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If someone cannot accept you for who you are, Should you end the relationship with them, even family?

SteamTrunkDolly 2012/07/23 19:12:52
YES LEAVE, stop the insanity!
Yes, except for family... They love me & don't mean it!
No you don't have to leave, just tell them to stop!
Undecided
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WHAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE? GOOD SELF-ESTEEM IS THE KEY TO HAPPINESS!
line self-esteem key happiness

Treated shabbily... constantly criticized by someone for what you do, say, or wear? Should you just leave them behind? What should you do if it's your sweetheart, BFF or even family?

As a counselor to victims of abuse has shown me, (and studies prove) that constantly trying to yield to others expectations of you, is a downward spiral into the abyss of deep depression or worse. Being a 'People Pleaser' is not the way to happiness & well being for anyone.

THERE IS A SUCH THING AS CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM FROM THOSE WHO LOVE AND CARE ABOUT YOU, THAT I THINK, EACH PERSON SHOULD LISTEN TO, EVALUATE AND DECIDE IF THE OFFERING IS RIGHT FOR YOU. (it's only constructive criticism if it is not a constant or spoken in anger). Everyone must live their own life, their way

ONE SHOULD NEVER TOLERATE ABUSE FROM ANYONE... IF IT HAPPENS, IT'S TIME TO MAKE A CHANGE... GET AWAY FROM THE CULPRIT! Although saying 'goodbye' is hard sometimes, it can be the best choice you'll ever make for yourself. IF YOU NEED HELP, THERE ARE PEOPLE IN YOUR COMMUNITY WHO WILL HELP YOU REBUILD YOUR LIFE INTO A HAPPY, ABUSE FREE ONE! (counseling, hot-lines, food & shelter is available if you need the).
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Top Opinion

  • Wanderer 2012/07/24 09:46:12
    YES LEAVE, stop the insanity!
    Wanderer
    +4
    I have a brother...he's told lies about me his entire life and I see him as a brother in name only. Since the early 70's according to him I've been in jail for murder,a gun smuggler and a drug dealer NONE of which is true.I cannot be his fantasy anymore,just because his life is boring he scores points with people off the back of his lies about me...Walking away was the ONLY option.

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  • still_cheeky 2012/07/30 20:47:28
    YES LEAVE, stop the insanity!
    still_cheeky
    +1
    This question is too broad. If people can't accept you, so what? Happens all the time. Abuse is a different story.
    I walked out on my family long time ago because of the emotional abuse, and I was told for years (before I totally walked) I needed to forgive, mostly by the abusers, but also from too many people that don't understand boundaries.
    What most people don't understand is we can forgive but it's really hard to forget. Also, forgiving someone doesn't always fix the abusers behavior.
    As a sister of mine put it, "D, WE'RE YOUR FAMILY! WHO ELSE WILL TELL YOU THE THINGS YOU NEED TO HEAR? NO ONE ELSE LOVES YOU ENOUGH!"
    With love like that, who needs enemies?
    So, I had to forgive for myself. I have forgiven to the best of my ability and I have to rely on God's grace to help me never to dwell on it. The fact is I'm human and if I start to think about the infractions, I'll have to forgive all over again as I take it all back emotionally.
    I've haven't told them or written to tell them I've forgiven them for two reasons. One, they don't see what they've done as wrong or hurtful, and two, I won't open that door again. They are toxic.
    Even if they came to me crying and saying they were sorry....TODAY, it would not instantly restore any relationship. That trust was broken ma...



    This question is too broad. If people can't accept you, so what? Happens all the time. Abuse is a different story.
    I walked out on my family long time ago because of the emotional abuse, and I was told for years (before I totally walked) I needed to forgive, mostly by the abusers, but also from too many people that don't understand boundaries.
    What most people don't understand is we can forgive but it's really hard to forget. Also, forgiving someone doesn't always fix the abusers behavior.
    As a sister of mine put it, "D, WE'RE YOUR FAMILY! WHO ELSE WILL TELL YOU THE THINGS YOU NEED TO HEAR? NO ONE ELSE LOVES YOU ENOUGH!"
    With love like that, who needs enemies?
    So, I had to forgive for myself. I have forgiven to the best of my ability and I have to rely on God's grace to help me never to dwell on it. The fact is I'm human and if I start to think about the infractions, I'll have to forgive all over again as I take it all back emotionally.
    I've haven't told them or written to tell them I've forgiven them for two reasons. One, they don't see what they've done as wrong or hurtful, and two, I won't open that door again. They are toxic.
    Even if they came to me crying and saying they were sorry....TODAY, it would not instantly restore any relationship. That trust was broken many years ago and could take many years to restore again.
    I don't believe what people say any more, only what their actions show.

    Sending hugs Miss Dolly ~
    D in WI :-)
    (more)
  • Nicole 2012/07/26 17:00:59
    YES LEAVE, stop the insanity!
    Nicole
    I have my dad and his direct family...after my parents got divorced he was so bitter that he told everyone about me and how I didn't like his new gf but she was really trying to take my dad away from me and it worked. Now that I am older now I try not to stress over it. I don't talk to him anymore and I am fine with that.
  • flyingseaturtle BN 2012/07/26 15:06:23
    Undecided
    flyingseaturtle BN
    +1
    If the family is nice stay with the family and leave the person. If the family is not nice it is best to leave.
  • MlssCue =Go Blue= 2012/07/26 11:27:44
    YES LEAVE, stop the insanity!
    MlssCue =Go Blue=
    +1
    At the end of the day it only matters if you are happy with yourself & if others can not love you for who you are then that's their loss, especially family!

    take me as I am
  • Bronar 2012/07/25 06:24:58
    Undecided
    Bronar
    Sometimes friends are out to help especially when it concerns self destructive behavior.
  • SlaveWaterNymph 2012/07/25 05:14:13
    YES LEAVE, stop the insanity!
    SlaveWaterNymph
    but this is me though. I am disowned from family, for a bit of this, because i am who i am and they can not control me anymore. Same with Daddy/fiancee's family, they hate me because i am Godly and being myself and they hate that most of all. You just gotta be strong and be yourself no matter what. :)
  • doc moto 2012/07/25 04:36:57
    No you don't have to leave, just tell them to stop!
    doc moto
    NO! Just love on them and that would fix the entire situation... Be nice always, no matter what; others would see and you would regain later what you would have destroyed! Pride and un-forgiveness kills the one that hold back LOVE and Kindness! Major causes of sickness and death, bitterness and un-forgiveness IS the cause of disease taking root!
  • AM 2012/07/25 03:49:45 (edited)
  • Reggie☮ 2012/07/25 03:41:25
    YES LEAVE, stop the insanity!
    Reggie☮
    +1
    You're in control, only you can decide how much you are willing to put up with.
  • Wikidnezz 2012/07/25 03:33:49
    YES LEAVE, stop the insanity!
    Wikidnezz
    +1
    If it's family, they should accept you for who you are, but if they don't, it's their loss 0.o
  • Xitlalilolly 2012/07/25 01:41:50
    Yes, except for family... They love me & don't mean it!
    Xitlalilolly
    if someone can't accept me for who i am then whyy be with them.. but if it was my familyy i just have to deal with it cuz its my familyy
  • JoeM~PWCM~JLA 2012/07/25 01:39:47
    YES LEAVE, stop the insanity!
    JoeM~PWCM~JLA
    On the flip side, If a person feels so strongly that everything about you is wrong, then why are they still hanging on?? Power trip? I would not want to stay in a relationship from either side of this coin. If they have so many "flaws" that I could not restrain myself from saying something, then why would I want to be around them?
  • tobe 2012/07/24 16:22:12
    Undecided
    tobe
    it would depend on to what level when it comes to family. my mom can't loves to give her 2 cents in with everything I do and at times doesn't like my hair but thats just parents. I have a dear friend of mine, my best friend, and her mom is critical, unloving and selfish. my friend chooses to excommunicate her and knowing how badly her mother treats her (her mom didn't even help take care of her when she was undergoing brain surgery) I don't blame her or criticize.
  • Nick 2012/07/24 16:10:42 (edited)
    Yes, except for family... They love me & don't mean it!
    Nick
    +1
    You don't have time to put up with peoples stuff, but family you need to deal with unless its insane
  • tobe Nick 2012/07/24 16:23:09
    tobe
    +1
    exactly
  • Treasure ♥ijm♥ 2012/07/24 13:51:38
    YES LEAVE, stop the insanity!
    Treasure ♥ijm♥
    +1
    Yes, it's not worth it ....life is too short.
  • purpleicecreamvan<3 2012/07/24 10:47:42
    YES LEAVE, stop the insanity!
    purpleicecreamvan<3
    if they really can't accept you, well you can't keep pretending you're someone you're not. just leave, it's their problem and not yours.
  • Wanderer 2012/07/24 09:46:12
    YES LEAVE, stop the insanity!
    Wanderer
    +4
    I have a brother...he's told lies about me his entire life and I see him as a brother in name only. Since the early 70's according to him I've been in jail for murder,a gun smuggler and a drug dealer NONE of which is true.I cannot be his fantasy anymore,just because his life is boring he scores points with people off the back of his lies about me...Walking away was the ONLY option.
  • Selkets... Wanderer 2012/07/24 17:00:49
    Selketskiss
    +1
    Smart move walking away but sad too...
  • Wanderer Selkets... 2012/07/24 17:06:18 (edited)
    Wanderer
    +3
    I'm not actually sad about it,I can't miss what I've never had...I do wonder sometimes what it would be like to have a real brother......that would be good.
  • Selkets... Wanderer 2012/07/24 17:32:48
    Selketskiss
    +1
    I just meant sad that you missed out on being brothers. I know how you feel my older bother tortured me when I was as a small child for several years then he was taken away to live else where. He ruined my childhood and destroyed my tiny soul. I never speak to him..not for more than 47 years and he knows he can not be any where.. where I am or it will be a dirt nap for him. Yes he fears me and should. My bother was a animal..yours was a liar. In the bigger picture it is sad that we missed out but it was not our fault so we do not feel sadness for the loss we never had..
  • SteamTr... Selkets... 2012/07/25 04:21:38
    SteamTrunkDolly
    +2
    Your story also bites at my heart, being tortured as a child, does have a major impact on the rest of ones life. (I speak from experience).
    bites heart tortured child major impact rest life speak experience
  • Selkets... SteamTr... 2012/07/25 05:07:45
    Selketskiss
    Yes it does effect the rest of your life..and I have never trusted anyone. It shapes and warps every aspect of you when you are young. When you become an adult you learn to exist around it but it is always there..just below the surface...
  • Wanderer Selkets... 2012/07/25 04:35:42
    Wanderer
    +2
    That's an incredible similarity with my situation right down to the timing...I'm sure they must have days when they wish they'd done things differently...but I for one am not going to be the first to make a move. I've learned my lesson and look to a brighter future because of it. His Karma will catch up with him one day and I wouldn't want to be around when it does...
  • Selkets... Wanderer 2012/07/25 05:40:33
    Selketskiss
    +1
    You and I are close to the same age. There have been a couple times over the years when my brother wrote to me. I never opened his letters, just called my older sister and said 1 more letter and I would put him in hell. Letters stop like magic...he likes living. In order to maintain a normal type life you can not have these type of people in your life cause you will be gripped in turmoil. I know that he was feeling the loss of family closeness cause we all left him in the dust and the others could talk to him but I will never forgive or forget the unspeakable things he did to me. But you see some think you will have forgotten or they just conveniently forget like it was no big deal. I cut him out of my life like a cancer for my own survival and if I had not done that I most likely would have succumbed to my rage over what happened to me and would have been put in jail for taking him out. I so understand your decision completely....
  • Wanderer Selkets... 2012/07/25 06:05:45
    Wanderer
    +1
    Mine visited me in my new welfare apartment 6 months ago,before I moved here I was homeless for 6 years. I hadn't seen him for 43 years....on arrival he proceeded to walk around comparing what I didn't have with what he had.
    He lives with a woman that imports gunpowder into Australia and she's extremely rich and buys him whatever he wants....whenever he wants it....
    .....again....his world is built on lies.!!
    He now keeps me at a distance simply because of MY honesty, he knows that if I get to talk to her I'll inform her of the truth....and he's right.
    Stuff him....(no offence)
    I am angry...and nothing he can do is going to change that...!!
  • Selkets... Wanderer 2012/07/25 06:33:37
    Selketskiss
    +1
    Yes your life is better without him in it...who needs all the drama. His lies will catch up to him..and like you said karma will get him..
  • SteamTr... Wanderer 2012/07/25 04:10:02
    SteamTrunkDolly
    +3
    your story breaks my heart, what you say the solution for you is best. I'm sure you have moved on, but what bothers me is how the situation has most likely marked your life. (this is my poll by the way).
    I just hope you have found peace & happiness now.
    solution moved bothers situation marked life poll hope peace happiness
  • Wanderer SteamTr... 2012/07/25 04:41:13
    Wanderer
    +2
    Age and illness have befallen me now but I could never regret anything in this life...I've had a wonderful time and wouldn't trade my experiences for the world.
    Thanks...you're sweet. :)
    teddy hugs
  • SteamTr... Wanderer 2012/07/26 07:43:22 (edited)
    SteamTrunkDolly
    +1
    You're a kind man I am sure of that, & strong too, hard things in life have a way of doing that for someone. I think that is what is called 'good character'. It's good you have no regrets... neither do I regret anything (no do overs desired here). I would not be who I am today, without all my life experiences. It's some of the worst, which has brought about the best in me I think. Why would anyone want to change that? strong life character regrets regret overs desired life experiences change
  • Wanderer SteamTr... 2012/07/26 08:08:41
    Wanderer
    ''What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'' I guess there's a lot of truth in that statement. The human condition is a strange and interesting thing...I to wouldn't have it any other way. I've met some weird and wonderful people in my 55 years and seen everything from the very lowest of the low to the best there is and I wouldn't trade it for anything, the experience is truly what makes me what I am.
    Thank you Diva.Dolly...it's been extremely interesting talking to you :)
  • mandyinabox 2012/07/24 08:59:08 (edited)
    YES LEAVE, stop the insanity!
    mandyinabox
    Since it is phrased 'cannot', telling them to stop won't do any good; obviously if they're always on my back they don't really even like me, so to me i need to end it asap for everyone's good...
  • Lovita 2012/07/24 07:08:38
    Undecided
    Lovita
    +1
    I pressesd "UNDECIDED," but went back and read the statement again and changed my answer to "YES, LEAVE."
    IF the situation you are in is so bad that the quality of life is just going downhill, leave. If you can't afford a place of your own, get counseling, but don't put up with emotional, verbal or physical abuse. No one should have to live with that.
  • bricklyn 2012/07/24 05:13:37
    YES LEAVE, stop the insanity!
    bricklyn
    You have to be true to yourself and be who you truly are. Your happiness is very important in this life and you will never be able to make everyone happy. You have to persue what is best for you and for the most part try to make those close to you understand.

    If they are unwilling to accept you for who you are, they you need to carry on with your life in your own direction on your own.
  • darwolf 2012/07/24 02:58:49
    YES LEAVE, stop the insanity!
    darwolf
    Yes
  • mk, Smartass Oracle 2012/07/24 02:07:36
  • Vision of Verve 2012/07/24 01:18:39
  • ken 2012/07/24 00:49:40
    YES LEAVE, stop the insanity!
    ken
    +2
    Nobody should have to suffer constant ridicule. If that's the only thing you feel in this relationship you have to go with what's in your heart and with you're instincts as best you can. That being said, it's a decision only you can make. You're the one that has to live with it.
  • umapathy Krishnamurthy 2012/07/24 00:25:04
    No you don't have to leave, just tell them to stop!
    umapathy Krishnamurthy
    I won't
  • MarinerFH 2012/07/24 00:23:34

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