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If a person is attracted to the same-sex, but never acts on their attraction are they still gay?

Unmistakably Liz 2009/11/04 09:07:13
Yes, although they have never and may never engage in any homosexual acts, they are still gay.
No, If you never engaged in a sexual act you are not gay. It's about what you do, not what you think.
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My friend who is a bi-sexual but in a monogamous lesbian relation were discussing this earlier. I think you are gay because of thoughts. She says gay is an action. She asked me "if a virgin thinks about sex all day but never has sex, are they still a virgin?"
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  • Ms. Honey 2009/11/04 20:07:40 (edited)
    Yes, although they have never and may never engage in any homosexual acts, th...
    Ms. Honey
    +5
    Let's use reverse psychology here. If a person is attracted to the opposite-sex, but never acts on their attraction are they still straight?

    That's what I thought.

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  • sugarbuzz 2009/12/24 21:24:10
    I don't really know.
    sugarbuzz
    +2
    No one know for sure, but everyone has an opinion. I say, who cares? Just loving people in general is a challenge because many don't make it easy!
  • martinez-ortizc 2009/12/17 20:08:01
    No, If you never engaged in a sexual act you are not gay. It's about what you...
    martinez-ortizc
    +1
    hell no they best have a ladie or a boyfriend
  • sleepyhead 2009/12/13 15:25:16
    I don't really know.
    sleepyhead
    +2
    If you know you like bananas but you never eat any, does that mean you still like bananas?

    Also, how do you know you like bananas if you've never eaten them?
  • sugarbuzz sleepyhead 2009/12/24 21:25:51
    sugarbuzz
    +3
    Anyone just afraid of fruit???
  • sleepyhead sugarbuzz 2009/12/25 18:39:59
    sleepyhead
    +2
    LMAO nice pic
  • sugarbuzz sleepyhead 2009/12/25 20:24:24
    sugarbuzz
    +1
    Hope I didn't traumatize anyone!
  • skip 2009/12/13 00:02:58
    No, If you never engaged in a sexual act you are not gay. It's about what you...
    skip
    +1
    Naahhh
  • Dogg ~ Ready for war 2009/12/12 13:19:00
    Yes, although they have never and may never engage in any homosexual acts, th...
    Dogg ~ Ready for war
    +1
    I wish you had other:) If the person is attrated to the same sex and still enacts with oppisite then they are not gay, But if the sex is attracted to the same sex and never acts on it, or doesn't exclude the other sex as the mingle with the same sex then no they are not gay.

    and yes, if a virgin thinks of sex all day long and never acts on it they are still a virgin
  • Rubyzandra 2009/12/12 01:11:58
    Yes, although they have never and may never engage in any homosexual acts, th...
    Rubyzandra
    +2
    I always considered a person "gay" or homosexual if they were attracted to the same sex whether they indulged or not. I consider myself straight because I am a woman attracted to a man whether I have sex with him or not.
  • Howard Beale II 2009/12/11 17:35:47
    Yes, although they have never and may never engage in any homosexual acts, th...
    Howard Beale II
    +2
    Yes, homosexuality is a state of the mind, which is in turn affected by hormones, and does not necessarily depend on a person's actions.
  • LilaGrace ~ Proud Liberal 2009/12/11 14:07:06
    Yes, although they have never and may never engage in any homosexual acts, th...
    LilaGrace ~ Proud Liberal
    +2
    If I am wrong, then I hope that my homosexual friends on SH will correct me, but I have been under the impression for years (from my other gay friends) that your sexual orientation is not just about how you act, but how you FEEL. Being gay (or straight) is not just about who you have sex with, but who you are attracted to. So, if you are a man, for instance, who is attracted to other men, even if you never act on it, you are, at the very least bi-sexual, and at most (especially if you don't have relationships with the opposite sex) gay. But again, this is what I have been told by many of my gay friends (both male and female) over the years.

    And of course, all of this is going on the assumption that it is ANYONES business. Which I don't think it is.
  • sugarbuzz LilaGra... 2009/12/24 21:27:55
    sugarbuzz
    +1
    My Great Uncle, whom I adored told me that "all his friends were queers, and he probably would have been too, but the Catholic Church told him he couldn't be"....that sort of endearing attitude and innocence just blew me away.....down to simple choices for him!
  • Treecat47 2009/12/11 08:05:56
    Yes, although they have never and may never engage in any homosexual acts, th...
    Treecat47
    +1
    Yes they are gay.
  • left-libertarian 2009/12/11 05:10:52
    Yes, although they have never and may never engage in any homosexual acts, th...
    left-libertarian
    +2
    That is why it is called an orientation.
  • Merl 2009/12/11 05:03:58
    I don't really know.
    Merl
    +1
    Never even contemplated that position. Can't wait to see some of the responses. Good question Liz.
  • Lavendergrl 2009/12/11 04:14:07
    No, If you never engaged in a sexual act you are not gay. It's about what you...
    Lavendergrl
    +1
    Attraction is based on thoughts. Sexuality is based on actions. I think a person can be attracted to the same sex and still lead a straight life. They would still experience same-gender attraction without engaging in homosexuality.
  • nightlight 2009/12/11 04:08:18
    Yes, although they have never and may never engage in any homosexual acts, th...
    nightlight
    +2
    I don't believe that gay people are gay by choice. As I undestand it, a person being gay is a result of something that happens genitically after conception that results in either a female mind in a male body or a male mind in a female body.
  • GLaDOS 2009/12/11 04:08:08 (edited)
    Yes, although they have never and may never engage in any homosexual acts, th...
    GLaDOS
    +2
    Gay is not an action. Gay is the desire. There is quite a difference between being a virgin (one who has never had sex) and being gay or straight. If you're gay, you're attracted to the same sex, if you're straight, you're attracted to the opposite sex.

    If you're capable of being physically attracted to either sex, then you're bisexual.

    It's really very basic.

    And if you're attracted to either (as straight or gay), but don't act on it, instead doing the opposite, then you're in DENIAL.
  • LilaGra... GLaDOS 2009/12/11 14:09:06
    LilaGrace ~ Proud Liberal
    +1
    Hear, hear!! Well said!
  • tammerz/zɹǝɯɯɐʇ 2009/12/11 04:05:17
    Yes, although they have never and may never engage in any homosexual acts, th...
    tammerz/zɹǝɯɯɐʇ
    +2
    I would think this is a no-brainer.
  • chaoskitty123 2009/12/11 01:30:07
    No, If you never engaged in a sexual act you are not gay. It's about what you...
    chaoskitty123
    +1
    You can think you are the President of the United States or an alien from the planet Neptune... unless there's some kind of physical proof, then it's not true. Many gay people teach that if you desire a member of the same sex, even if you don't commit to an actual sexual act, you are still gay. They say there's no such thing as being bisexual and over all are more bigoted than straight people in many ways.

    I always refer to hermaphrodites to prove a point about gay or straight because no matter who they are with... it can be defined as gay. If they are with a woman, the woman part of them makes it gay. If they are with a man the same is true and if they are with another hermaphrodite... nuff said. They are by nature not gay at the same time because if they are with a woman, part of them is still a man and so forth.

    Hermaphrodites are bisexual by nature and by thought which is an inescapable truth no one can deny. This in turn must mean that bisexuality is itself inherent and some people can be bisexual when they are male or female only. Likewise, you can also be born with the opposite genders sexual instincts to the point some undergo operations to make themselves physically what they feel like instinctively.

    When you study hermaphrodites, a lot of things we take for gran...







    You can think you are the President of the United States or an alien from the planet Neptune... unless there's some kind of physical proof, then it's not true. Many gay people teach that if you desire a member of the same sex, even if you don't commit to an actual sexual act, you are still gay. They say there's no such thing as being bisexual and over all are more bigoted than straight people in many ways.

    I always refer to hermaphrodites to prove a point about gay or straight because no matter who they are with... it can be defined as gay. If they are with a woman, the woman part of them makes it gay. If they are with a man the same is true and if they are with another hermaphrodite... nuff said. They are by nature not gay at the same time because if they are with a woman, part of them is still a man and so forth.

    Hermaphrodites are bisexual by nature and by thought which is an inescapable truth no one can deny. This in turn must mean that bisexuality is itself inherent and some people can be bisexual when they are male or female only. Likewise, you can also be born with the opposite genders sexual instincts to the point some undergo operations to make themselves physically what they feel like instinctively.

    When you study hermaphrodites, a lot of things we take for granted about orientation, instincts and so forth become more easily understood because most of us act like hermaphrodites don't even exist. They hold the key to understanding because they choose which gender to present themselves as. They choose who their partners will be and most do have a preference for men or women. Some who live as men prefer male sexual partners.

    Hermaphrodites do exist and if it's true God made us what he wanted us to be... then hermaphrodites are what God wanted them to be because God doesn't make mistakes. The same is true with nature where there may be anomalies and things we don't understand but overall, there is a design to all things and hermaphrodites exist in all species with many species being only hermaphrodites.

    Very interesting topic once you delve into it with an open mind.

    But again... no, your thoughts don't dictate your sexual identity. You have an instinct for pleasure and an instinct for procreation. Since 99.9% of the time we have sex we don't want a child as a result, that means we are acting on our instinct for sexual pleasure and you don't have to be heterosexual for that. However, if you want to be a parent and think you are gay... WRONG as procreation is something two women cannot do together nor two men and that my friends is your reproductive instinct kicking in which is 100% heterosexual.

    So if anything, there is no such thing as being gay like the religious right states in the classic definition of gay or straight because fo almost all of us, procreation is the last thing we want from sex and for most it's devastating leading to all these other issues like abortion and so forth. Sex for pleasure is neither gay nor straight any more than masturbation is gay or straight... it's simply the desire for pleasure and who we desire more to have pleasure with.
    (more)
  • Pet Rock Whisperer 2009/12/11 01:21:36
    I don't really know.
    Pet Rock Whisperer
    +1
    LOL This question made me think of when one of my friends met one of my son's friends. My son's friend is a tranny and on the hot side for a guy....ish. Anyway, afterward my pal kept talking about "Julia" how he liked "her" personality and a**.... So I told him what the deal was with "Julia" and he accused me of being mean and BSing etc. During the course of their conversation "she" had mentioned her upcoming operation a cpl times. A month or two later my pal saw "Julia" again and asked about "her" operation. The look on his face when "she" told him it was a castration was only topped by the look on his face when I added "Wow, that took balls!" and everyone died laughing. Everyone except my pal.

    Other than that one comment, I haven't dogged him about it, I just don't have the heart to do that. lol But I do get a chuckle when I think about it. And I'll say this for "Julia" I have respect for this person and some compassion. "Her" family has basically disowned "her" ....as if there wasn't enough on "her" plate already.... the kid has balls that no operation can take away!! My son could sure do a whole lot worse for friends than "Julia."
  • wombat 2009/12/11 00:48:57
    Yes, although they have never and may never engage in any homosexual acts, th...
    wombat
    +1
    Yes or Bi
  • Lucy formerly of Finchley 2009/12/11 00:35:41
    No, If you never engaged in a sexual act you are not gay. It's about what you...
    Lucy formerly of Finchley
    +1
    Of course it's about what you *do*. Everything is about what you do--the choices you make and the paths you follow. A "gay" person who doesn't have sex, as far as I'm concerned, is no different than a straight person who chooses to remain celibate.
  • LilaGra... Lucy fo... 2009/12/11 14:12:55
    LilaGrace ~ Proud Liberal
    +1
    Ok, but the straight person who abstains doesn't stop being heterosexual just because they don't have sex, right? Because they are still ATTRACTED to the opposite sex. Well, I believe (and so do a lot of other people) that attraction determines your orientation. If you are attracted to the same sex, whether or not you act on those attractions is irrelevant. The point is, you ARE attracted to them. That make you gay.
  • Lucy fo... LilaGra... 2009/12/11 18:40:14 (edited)
    Lucy formerly of Finchley
    +1
    That is one argument. I believe otherwise. If you're born a sociopathic serial killer, but are restrained from killing anyone, are you a killer? (And *please* don't suggest I'm comparing gay people to serial killers; this example was used only for the sake of an illustration.)
  • LilaGra... Lucy fo... 2009/12/14 16:14:06
    LilaGrace ~ Proud Liberal
    +1
    Even for the sake of illustration, your example is irrelevant. I stand by what I said in my last comment. Being celibate doesn't mean you stop being heterosexual, does it? Well, if a homosexual remains celibate that does not change the fact that they are gay. Who you are attracted to is more determinate of your sexual orientation than just actions. Are you suggesting that men who are raped by other men are gay because they had sex with a man? Especially men in prison who may be raped repeatedly. They are not ATTRACTED to other men, but the act of engaging in homosexual sex (whether consensual or not) by your standards, would suggest that they are gay. On the other side, the same question would apply to a lesbian who is raped by a man. She does not engage in heterosexual sex, she is not attracted to men, but she was raped by a man. Does this change her sexual orientation? Is she now bi-sexual? The answer to both of these would be NO of course, but by your standards, perhaps not. I can't help but wonder if the people who are so against making the distinction based on attraction and not action, are afraid that they might be labeled gay because they may have fantasized about a member of the same sex, even if they never acted on it. I doubt that the odd fantasy would make you gay. If you are overwhelmingly attracted to members of the same sex, that is where the distinction changes from heterosexual to 'other'.
  • Lucy fo... LilaGra... 2009/12/14 17:17:53
    Lucy formerly of Finchley
    +1
    "They are not ATTRACTED to other men, but the act of engaging in homosexual sex (whether consensual or not) by your standards, would suggest that they are gay."

    I never said *anything* about sex being consensual or not; obviously, if the sex was not consensual, it wouldn't have the same meaning. Have you read The Twilight series? The main message to teens in those books is that it's what you *do* that makes you who you are. I stand by that assessment.
  • LilaGra... Lucy fo... 2009/12/15 14:39:09 (edited)
    LilaGrace ~ Proud Liberal
    +1
    Wow. You're using Twilight as a litmus test of whether what you do or what you think is more important? Really? Listen, honey. I like Twilight too, but it certainly isn't wisdom to live by! Are you really going to confuse fiction with real-life? Since you clearly have no foundation from which to make the judgement regarding whether what you think determines your sexual orientation, should you even be opining on the matter?

    And you never answered my question: Does celibacy make you less heterosexual? If you don't engage insex of any kind, does that mean you no longer have a sexual orientation? Or does that simply mean you are non-practicing? Kind of like a person who identifies themselves as Catholic, but who doesn't go to church. Isn't what they believe more important in that instance, than what they do?
  • Lucy fo... LilaGra... 2009/12/16 05:27:52
    Lucy formerly of Finchley
    +1
    Actually, I don't like Twilight, which I discovered after I read it. However, I thought the message it got across was a useful one, that reveres individual responsibility: That It is your actions and choices that determine your path in life. If you want to argue that feelings are what makes a person what they are, that is, of course, your right. I happen to believe differently.
  • LilaGra... Lucy fo... 2009/12/17 15:41:17
    LilaGrace ~ Proud Liberal
    +1
    You still haven't answered my question.

    "And you never answered my question: Does celibacy make you less heterosexual? If you don't engage insex of any kind, does that mean you no longer have a sexual orientation? Or does that simply mean you are non-practicing? Kind of like a person who identifies themselves as Catholic, but who doesn't go to church. Isn't what they believe more important in that instance, than what they do?"
  • Lucy fo... LilaGra... 2009/12/18 00:42:49
    Lucy formerly of Finchley
    +1
    If you're not having sex, and don't plan to have sex, why would your sexual orientation, gay or straight, be relevant? If you don't actively pray to God and have a relationship with Him, your "religion" wouldn't be relevant, either.
  • LilaGra... Lucy fo... 2009/12/21 17:09:53
    LilaGrace ~ Proud Liberal
    +1
    Who said anything about praying? I said if they don't go to church. You need to learn to read what is written, and not just assume you know what the writer is talking about. If a person doesn't go to church, but still prays etc., are they no longer Catholic because they don't sit in a pew? You don't have very good reading comprehension, if you are still either avoiding, ignoring, or misunderstanding my questions. I am through trying to debate this with you, when it is clear that you are not interested in debating, all you care about is that you're "right". Good luck with that.
  • Lucy fo... LilaGra... 2009/12/21 19:15:02
    Lucy formerly of Finchley
    +1
    I'm not trying to "misunderstand" what you're saying. *Praying* is an action, the same way that having sex is an action, and without prayer, you don't have any sort of relationship with God, which, to me, means you don't have any sort of "religion" at all. I don't even really like the word "religion," as that implies, to me, a sort of "belief without action," which I disagree with. By the same token, if you don't act on your physical attractions, you are not any sort of practicing heterosexual, homosexual, whatever. If you *feel* a love for God, but never act on that love by physically praying, speaking, to Him, having a personal relationship with Him, *are* you a Catholic, a Protestant? I don't believe so.

    I was never trying to be belligerent, only to attempt to explain to you what I believe. I am always interested in debating, although it seems that you aren't trying to comprehend my point of view any more than you think I'm not trying to comprehend yours, which is unfortunate.
  • LilaGra... Lucy fo... 2009/12/22 15:49:26
    LilaGrace ~ Proud Liberal
    +1
    I was speaking solely about whether or not a person goes to church. Correct me if I am wrong, since I do not practice any religion, but one CAN pray in other places besides church, can they not? I wasn't referring to one's 'personal' relationship with their God of choice. I was simply addressing the belief that many have, which is that if you don't go to church, you are not a good catholic, protestant, jew, whatever. I do not believe that this is true. Just as I don't believe that who we are attracted to stops being relevant when we do not put our feelings into action. If a person is too shy to approach someone else, and is not approached themself, thus not engaging in sex, the fact that they are celibate does not change their orientation (who they are attracted to) and thus it does not change the fact that if they COULD, they WOULD engage in sex with that particular gender. Therefore, a person's sexual orientation is guided more by who they WANT to have sex with, regardless of whether or not they indulge. Who we actually have sex with is less a part of the equation because there are plenty of homosexuals who continue to engage in heterosexual sex, not because they ENJOY it or even because they are attracted to the people they have sex with, but because they are too afraid to ...
    I was speaking solely about whether or not a person goes to church. Correct me if I am wrong, since I do not practice any religion, but one CAN pray in other places besides church, can they not? I wasn't referring to one's 'personal' relationship with their God of choice. I was simply addressing the belief that many have, which is that if you don't go to church, you are not a good catholic, protestant, jew, whatever. I do not believe that this is true. Just as I don't believe that who we are attracted to stops being relevant when we do not put our feelings into action. If a person is too shy to approach someone else, and is not approached themself, thus not engaging in sex, the fact that they are celibate does not change their orientation (who they are attracted to) and thus it does not change the fact that if they COULD, they WOULD engage in sex with that particular gender. Therefore, a person's sexual orientation is guided more by who they WANT to have sex with, regardless of whether or not they indulge. Who we actually have sex with is less a part of the equation because there are plenty of homosexuals who continue to engage in heterosexual sex, not because they ENJOY it or even because they are attracted to the people they have sex with, but because they are too afraid to act on their true feelings and openly come out. ANYONE can have sex, but the feelings behind it are more complex than just which body they actually have sex with. Anyway, I am bored with this subject, so if you don't mind, I would like to move on to something else. Good day.
    (more)
  • ilikeponies234 2009/12/10 22:36:06
    Yes, although they have never and may never engage in any homosexual acts, th...
    ilikeponies234
    +1
    yeah b/c this girl i know she had a girfriend (serious relationship (bleh) ) and then she came 2 our scool and she still must b gay even though she doesn't have (another girlfriend) right?
  • Linda 2009/11/07 02:20:10
    Yes, although they have never and may never engage in any homosexual acts, th...
    Linda
    +2
    Yes they are. If you are attracted to the same sex then you are gay or if your attracted to both the same sex and opposite sex you bi, even if you have never acted on it. Some people just know.
  • Claise 2009/11/05 09:59:59
    Yes, although they have never and may never engage in any homosexual acts, th...
    Claise
    +2
    yes, and it is time for them to start acting according to their feelings!
  • ilikepo... Claise 2009/12/10 22:36:51
    ilikeponies234
    ur wierd..................
  • LilaGra... ilikepo... 2009/12/11 14:14:27
    LilaGrace ~ Proud Liberal
    +2
    Why is encouraging people to be honest about who they are weird? I think encouraging people to hide their true selves and deny their true natures is "weird".

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