I think I'm am very close to having a mental disorder..
☽✪☾Goddess~Worshipper☥
2012/07/26 06:46:33
First, I would like to say I am not whining. I am asking for help. Yes I could go to a psychiatrist or something, but I don't have the money for that. I have talked to my mom before, she is a nurse, and she said she would realize when it starts to get bad and we will do something then. Now it's just something in my mind. Any trolls can and will be blocked. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of Tori (me) and..so on and so forth. So if you have something bad to say, please refrain from saying anything at all.
Ever since I was about 8 or 9, my grandmother has told me I'm fat and I need to stop eating so much and I need to suck my tummy in to make me look skinny. I have seen all these skinny models, all the skinny people on tv in bathing suits with a flat stomach and I always think to myself, since I was 8 or 9, 'I want to look like that.' When I was about 12, I stopped eating. Maybe I had a carrot, some lettuce, a piece of bread occasionally. It wasn't conscious, I just stopped eating. Then I got skinny and thought I didn't really need to eat. Just when my hunger got bad. That kept on for about a year or two. Now, I still think I am fat. I see nothing but flab and disgust on my tummy, my legs look huge when I sit, I feel my body jiggle when I walk or run. I just don't eat a lot. Sometimes I eat like a freaking pig, but then I feel bad about it and barely eat the rest of the day. My mom and boyfriend keep telling me I'm skinny, my bf told me I have a swim suit body, but I just can't believe it.. I don't know if it's me making myself not eat or what, but I just don't eat a lot. I just weighed and I weigh 109 pounds even. That to me is fat. I want to weigh much less, but I'm making myself eat. I don't want to hurt anyone or scare anyone.. But I just still feel fat. I cover myself up most of the time. I'm not comfortable with my body at all. I need help before things get worse. Could someone here be able to help me? Just some advice or something. Or moral support.
Thank you, for those of you who do help. Blessed Be. :)
Ever since I was about 8 or 9, my grandmother has told me I'm fat and I need to stop eating so much and I need to suck my tummy in to make me look skinny. I have seen all these skinny models, all the skinny people on tv in bathing suits with a flat stomach and I always think to myself, since I was 8 or 9, 'I want to look like that.' When I was about 12, I stopped eating. Maybe I had a carrot, some lettuce, a piece of bread occasionally. It wasn't conscious, I just stopped eating. Then I got skinny and thought I didn't really need to eat. Just when my hunger got bad. That kept on for about a year or two. Now, I still think I am fat. I see nothing but flab and disgust on my tummy, my legs look huge when I sit, I feel my body jiggle when I walk or run. I just don't eat a lot. Sometimes I eat like a freaking pig, but then I feel bad about it and barely eat the rest of the day. My mom and boyfriend keep telling me I'm skinny, my bf told me I have a swim suit body, but I just can't believe it.. I don't know if it's me making myself not eat or what, but I just don't eat a lot. I just weighed and I weigh 109 pounds even. That to me is fat. I want to weigh much less, but I'm making myself eat. I don't want to hurt anyone or scare anyone.. But I just still feel fat. I cover myself up most of the time. I'm not comfortable with my body at all. I need help before things get worse. Could someone here be able to help me? Just some advice or something. Or moral support.
Thank you, for those of you who do help. Blessed Be. :)
Before I started typing I did a quick Google search for "eating disorders" and there were a lot of hits... some of them might be able to offer you some useful advice.
For what it's worth you do have my wholehearted support and if you ever want to just chat drop me a line.I'm not a doctor or a psychiatrist but I am a good listener.
Take care, be strong and if you can't yet love yourself at least start off by liking yourself.
xxx
This is a deep problem . You don't have a eating problem but a deeper problem . I think you have an obsessed mind & this made your grandma's wrong comments stick into your
brain forever . I wish you could have some professional help . You really need that . Talk to your mother again .
Weight is just a number . Care more about if you are healthy . Learn about perspectives that some things may look huge ( like your legs ) at some angles . You are just obsessed Try to find something to do that would help people in help . Like helping handicapped kids or old people . That problem is in your brain & you can get it over . Distract yourself & try to understand that life is much more than how your looks are ; it is how you feel , how you can make yourself feel . Weight is nothing ( especially at your weight ) .