I guess I am cold-hearted when it comes to love

I am a cynical person when it comes to love; but I do not believe it does not exist.

I just have never been in love.
Love, if it is out there, falling in love is not something I have experienced,it is not unwelcome to me, but I do believe that if there is someone that will manage to sweep me off my feet, and then break my heart; I will NOT fall apart.
I will mourn for a relationship that is dead, but I will never let heartbreak destroy me. And that is why I detest the weak that let tragedy overcome them. It is a sad, and ugly truth to call those that kill themselves for love or become empty shells weak, but overall...right down to the very point, it is the TRUTH. Mourn for your heartbreak or loss, then MOVE ON.No one is asking to heal quickly, no, what is asked, is that you continue to live. LIVE! My heart and mind scream for me to live! There is SO much more for me to live and see. I refuse to let pain slow me down and become my life. I have fallen down in weakness; I'll admit it, but I'm still alive aren't I?
What makes me more angry is that some people make it sound as if losing your true love is your given right of passage to kill yourself. NO THANK YOU! When it comes to losing someone; I live on, no one is worth my losing myself over.
I do sometimes wonder if my train of thought and idea makes me cold and cruel; I do shed tears, but am I truly terrible person because I want to live? I am forever haunted by sad memories; I will not deny; but I still live, want a future.
I have had a share of losses that have cut me deep; may it be from losing my loved ones in death, a very very close friend deserting me, or someone I once cared about hurt me physically.
But I move on; everyone bears scars; it is just up to them to either grow stronger, or wilt from it.
Heartbreak is a speck of dust compared to what the REAL world will throw at you; so if you can't handle or live on after one heartbreak then you won't make it.
Loss; that is unbearable, but if you still no longer wish to live after a loved one is gone, that life is meaningless, there are many others out there who would GLADLY trade their life for yours.

Love can make you do crazy things; feelings are beyond your control they say; maybe it's true. I cannot promise myself that I will never fall into the clutches of those games of love; but I can promise myself to try to fight it. The things people will do for love; it is enlightening, but if there is one thing I do not admire being done for love, it is taking your own life.
I do hate it when people just throw the scenarios at me to question my morals and ideas; but I will always answer,
"You are playing the writer, I can play the writer, it is an open universe that we can create. So unless it is happening right now, right in front of me, I guess we will never know my answer will we?"

The common scenario:
1. If one man, had 5 of his men, with snipers, all pointed at 5 of the people that mean so much in my life; and the choice is, either I kill myself, or the ones I love will be killed.
Will I kill myself to save them?

We will never know what I choose will we? I can write the story; they can write the story; but all in all it does not exist. So, no one can call me cruel if I do not give an answer, because I truly do not know. But either way any answer other than yes makes me seem cruel.
I do not know; I do not know because it is not happening, so I dont worry about it.

Love completes your life? Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?
I told this to someone already; asking; what if I died at 35, still never have fallen in love? Will I be pitied at my funeral?
I cherish and love my friends deeply; my family...only my parents and brother. I love the hobbies and activities I do. I love traveling and seeing other countries!
So why can't that be enough to fulfill my life???
Why do I have to be in love with someone or had to have been in love for my life to be complete??

I do not unwelcome the act of falling in love; even then they say that's beyond your control.
But I will not allow it to take over my life; my life is my own. I am strong, and will fight whatever battles come. I can be called the Ice queen, cold-hearted, emotionless robot; whatever; I just choose to live while loving those that are still in my life, and will carry on when they're not.
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  • Seth (crazy Iowan) *Burgundy* 2009/10/25 03:13:45
    Seth (crazy Iowan) *Burgundy*
    You can be called the ice queen, etc. like you said, but it's all inaccurate. This all shows that you still have a heart but you also have a brain...and they are working together. The heart thinks more optimistically, more liberally, more spirited. The heart wants to "fall in love". The brain thinks more safe, realistic, more conservative...it wants to keep things normal and the same. By reading this you have a healthy balance, be it considered "normal" or not.

    Personally, I've accepted that I may find "true love" and I may not. I'll board the train if it arrives, but I won't sit around hoping and praying it gets here as fast as possible. It appears like we have similar views? It shouldn't complete life, it should ornament life.

    I was skimming through your profile and I felt bad that you wrote all this and nobody commented on it, so here we are =/
  • Lyana Seth (c... 2009/10/25 03:21:41
    lol I dont mind; but all in all it goes appreciated that you did take the time to read and comment. So thank you. :)
    I guess because that's the whole purpose is writing so others can read, but I accept that there will always be times where they won't; and so I feel more brave to write what I want, and when they do read, I guess it's a feeling of I'm revealing myself to you, and I hope I at least get credit for honesty, lol because that's what I write for, I write for ME, not under the influence of judgment of others.
  • Seth (c... Lyana 2009/10/25 03:33:30
    Seth (crazy Iowan) *Burgundy*
    You get credit for honesty, and that means the most, I think, in meaningful interpersonal relationships, that all parties involved can open up and convey those feelings.
  • Lyana Seth (c... 2009/10/25 03:43:45
    Most definitely; relationships to me remind me of basic friendship; where the same morals apply; if you tell all your secrets and they won't share any, then that's not a good friendship.

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2009/09/27 11:20:57

Working in photoshop :)

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