I Caught My Wife Cheating, Kinda - What should I do?

SenorBabyMan 2009/07/14 17:01:38
I was using my wife's laptop, with her permission, to look for jobs as my previous employer decided he didn't need to pay me. Her homepage is iGoogle, and I usually don't pay any attention to it, but today her email summaries caught my eye. I usually give her all the privacy she wants even though she'll take my phone and answer texts and calls without even asking. She's usually hates when i touch her phone or computer, and now I think I know why.

Most of the email summaries on the home page were from a guy she knows from work and were sexual in nature. I was flabbergasted I know our relationship is a bit strained because we just got married three months ago and I lost my job, but i didn't expect this. I had to know what was going on so I read her emails. They include cyber sex and picture swapping. The pictures aren't nude just suggestive... very suggestive. They also talk about figuring out a way to get together without me and his wife being there.

I have copies of all the emails now, and I've removed all of the photos she had of me in that could come back to haunt me. We went to high school together, but didn't talk much we really began a friendship about 4 years ago and began dating exclusively 2 years ago.

I am at least somewhat whipped. As for her being allowed to read my texts and whatnot I really didn't mind, I let my friends answer my phone for me when I'm doing stuff or chat on my AIM name. it's never bothered me. We do share our passwords, but I'll be changing mine.

I have a place to stay, actually several, I have great friends. Sometime after I confront her I'll be going to talk with the lawyer my mom works for to find out how I should proceed. I want this to be as easy as possible.

What should I do!?!

PS. Excuse any grammar or spelling errors, as I'm all kinds of confused/pissed/hurt right now.
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  • Eddie 2009/07/14 17:23:27
    All you can do is confront her, and see if you two can work it out through counseling. Good luck.

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  • Fred Sam 2013/07/24 06:23:28
    Fred Sam
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    Fred Sam
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  • Igotcheated2 2012/04/04 13:58:13
    I recently experienced the same problem. I have been married for almost 7 years and have 2 kids. I just knew something wasn't right and I confronted her. She told me everything. I was at a loss as what to do. I talked to several friends and after much thought this is how I proceeded. I first asked her if she was done. I dont want to waste any of our time in something thats going to happen again. Second I told her if she wants a second chance she can have one. But I will not tolerate it again. I reiterated this fact over and over. I then asked why. This is the part that may be hard to hear as it was for me. I wanted to know what part of this equation was my fault, as it takes 2 to have a failing marriage. Even though she did something wrong that is inexcusable, you have to listen. If you go on a "one way rampage this is how its gonna be" go file, because it won't work. Lastly, I told her how she hurt me and how much I still very much love her. In all of this I explained what I was going to do to help. I also let her know that trust is earned, no longer given. Be firm, but not an ass. I love my wife very much. It's worth another chance to me. But you both have to be ready for a long hard road. We are doing well now.
  • peter 2012/01/05 23:57:50
    have you told her yet and give me the guys email lol il scare him if you want you should tell your wife if she dont love you then get away from me and never talk to me again
  • peter 2012/01/05 23:54:08
  • Rebekah 2009/10/25 02:46:25
    i say confront her, and see if you two can work it through and then possibly consider counseling :) good luck
  • jack 2009/10/20 04:13:59
    dump her instantly, i would not tolerate anything even remotely close to those actions
  • JHall1979MD 2009/09/07 14:13:06
    I know the feeling Im in the same boat my wifes phone rang while she was taking a shower it had my friends name on the caller id sl i answer but it wasnt him so after the hang up I checked the number with the one on my phone its different so I looked at the text messages on her phone well since the phones are in my name, the number is there so I asked who it was she started fighting with me so 2 days later I checked again and the number was gone wow maybe she typed it wrong and erased well a week later Im checking our email on our account I see her cousin telling her to follow her heart but not to cheat follow her heart didnt we give them to each other ? well we also have a 7yr old little boy too what should I do as well i have been through this before with her.....
  • Angie 2009/09/04 10:32:21
    Confront her... If she's proud of what she's done or just seems very uncomfortable answering... Then she's not worth it. But talk about it before ending anything...
  • boner 2009/08/28 02:26:11
    That's how it starts and the more you fight to win her love the more she will take advantage. She married you to be comfortable and if you can stomach it enjoy the part of her she is offering you. Don't have kids or when you decide to bring all this s#*&^ out and tell her your concerns.

    If you can't stomach it tell this guys wife, do they have kids? It's his stability that has got her interested. Screw it up.
  • Rock_Princess 2009/08/22 20:10:40
    1st i hope that all works well ], i am so sorry!
    but you have to confront her with the copies of the emails and see if you can work through it! co to counseling. but if you just got married 3 months ago, i'm sorry. she doesn't sound like she will be faithful. i think that you deserve better...
    confront copies emails work counseling married 3 sound faithful deserve
  • Terry 2009/08/22 19:51:13
    First talk to a lawyer - understand all your rights and how much you can lose from a devoice.

    Then think about that for a long time - decide if that is an option right now.

    Then you have to confront her - do not hold it in. But be very calm.

    Breaking up is very tough. But if your going to do it -- do it before you have kids.
  • bludgersgirl7 2009/08/16 19:24:54
    well it all deoends if you wanna give her a second chance or not. is she worthy of a second chance? think she'll do it again? but if you ask me i wouldnt give anyone that did that a second chance. i mean thats just me though. when you go through the whole deciding thing dont just think of all the bad or the good. take everything in.
  • edwardlover#1 2009/08/06 19:21:27 (edited)
    i'm sorry to hear that. i would procede cautiously. i would tell her you know and that you want her to stop if she says no then leave her ass and find someone better suited for you. and then go to the lawyer and divorce.
    good luck. you've been put through enough shit but don't some bitch stop you from seeing and dating others who knos maybe you'll find your soul mate. i wish you the best of luck.
  • Freedrseselj 2009/08/06 18:39:10
    Unless your religion instructs you otherwise, my advice is not to make a grate issue out of it. If you let her know that you know, and don't blast her over this, she is likely to appreciate it.
  • bacon bits 2009/08/06 07:32:39
    bacon bits
    Do you feel she is worthy of a second chance or do you honestly feel too deceived and hurt to take her back?

    I have always said, once a cheat always a cheat...most will cheat again but there are some that won't.
  • cat 2009/07/25 23:49:36 (edited)
    Talk to her. Tell her you need an explanation. If you can forgive her and want, to get counsling. The best of luck to both of you.
  • Bubbles 2009/07/25 04:34:50
    Well i would have a talk with her and see whats going on and talk to her and see if she wants a divorce or counseling.Because if you don't have trust you don't have anything!
  • Alexandra 2009/07/20 17:20:51
    Leave her!
  • Neiko70 2009/07/20 04:29:37 (edited)
    Run. Now. (After copying those emails just in case you ever need them for court later on!)

    If she's doing this to you three months into the marriage, it's only a sign of worse things to come. People don't just become cheaters overnight; it is very possible that she has been cheating on you the whole time you've been together. You don't have kids, do you? Get out now before you do. It wouldn't be fair to bring kids into a relationship that sounds like it's already over. And if she springs a pregnancy on you in the near future, I'd insist on a paternity test if I were you! No sense in paying child support for a kid that's not yours...
  • Brucas own my heart 2009/07/20 03:06:11 (edited)
    Brucas own my heart
    I'm so sorry about that!!

    Here's what you should do:

    *Save the emails and photos (print them, so you have a copy just incase she deletes them)

    *Test her and see just how ruthless and deceitful she realy is ( maybe ask that she brings the man and his wife over for dinner and see how she FREAKS OUT!)

    *Tell her that you know about everything. If she keeps denying it, show her your printed evidence.

    *Dump her ass and tell her that you are applying for a divorce, because:

    I think you should move on, you deserve to be happy and be with someone who won't cheat on you and who really loves you!

    Besides, There are other fish in the sea
    applying divorce cheater cheater deserve happy cheat loves fish sea

    Hope everything turns out xD
  • aLyssaR... Brucas ... 2009/07/29 03:21:35
    This girl makes Sense!!!!!!!
    Good Advice
  • Brucas ... aLyssaR... 2009/07/29 05:24:17
    Brucas own my heart
    haha!!! Thanks xD
  • jesse 2009/07/19 23:43:25
    I think you should test her and see just how ruthless and deceitful she realy is!
  • Brucas ... jesse 2009/07/20 02:50:13
    Brucas own my heart
    That's what I'd do. Makes perfect sense! xD
  • brelina~celena~goddess of sky 2009/07/19 19:49:14 (edited)
    brelina~celena~goddess of sky
    dump her ass now! Take all her money and run! Run man! RUN!!! dump ass money run run run
  • rosharon14 2009/07/19 19:39:11
    put her out the house if its your house get out the next day or put her ouit the house
  • Juandero Tinsley 2009/07/19 19:28:31
    Juandero Tinsley
    You know you should devorce her in this world you have to draw the line somewhere when comes to cheating spouses. I know this sound kind harsh but let not your heart be broken from someone who have feelings for someone else. You have think what best for you from now on.Also, never blame yourself for what she has done to you. We men have always have blame ourselves for a cheating wife or girlfriend who always say we drove them to cheat when no man has ever made his girlfriend or wife cheat on him and be find with it.Talk to a lawyer about getting a devorce and end it before it get any worser then it already is. And I will pray that you will be happy with some lucky women who can appreciate a good loving man who respect women.And remember you deserve someone you can love and trust and that you rights to it.
  • Cindy Juander... 2009/07/20 01:48:23 (edited)
    if it hasn't happened to you yet - it might.
    you will find how hard all this just being human crap really is!
    however - some people stay faithful - God bless 'em for that courage and strength.
    And god bless those who truly work to reconcile, forgive and re-trust, cuz the trust thing is the hardest.

    In life I think we learn that the only real person we will ever be able to trust (thru all the ups and downs of our mistakes and successes) is US. People are just human.
    If we know we are doing our best, best behavior - and need others to forgive us at times - then we ought to be able to forgive, learn to re-trust as well.
    Making that happen is an honest and REAL and lasting way is tough to do - BUT is doable! :o)
  • Tianna 2009/07/19 18:02:51
    aww, you poor thing!!! I'm so sorry your hurting....

    First, suggestive emails, photos, what have you, mean that the thought and or idea is there.... which means if she hasn't acted already, it's close.... This woman obviously is selfish in that she didn't talk to you first, ya know, like what's bothering her,
    as far as you loosing your job, this stuff happens and if she can't be understanding and supportive of you and your search for a new one, maybe she wasn't worth marrying in the first place.... I would get your marriage anulled and forget about her, there a plenty of good fish in the sea!!!! supportive search worth marrying marriage anulled forget plenty fish sea
  • frosthazard 2009/07/19 15:40:36
    I hate to say this because I hate to see anyone's marriage fail. If she is doing this 3 months into your marriage, get rid of her, she has no respect for you and you will most likely never be able to fully trust her.
  • Steford doesn't follow 2009/07/19 13:36:18 (edited)
    Steford doesn't follow
    It's time fo you and your wife to seriously examine your marriage. How far or how much CHAIN will you allow each other before the marriage is a joke? Kick his ASS!
  • Redleg 2009/07/19 11:08:47 (edited)
    Bad vibes man.
    Either you ain't takin' care of business at home or she is excessively horny. wink!

    "Sometime after I confront her I'll be going to talk with the lawyer my mom works for to find out how I should proceed. I want this to be as easy as possible."

    I believe you have answered your own question here, and it won't be easy, but it will get ugly.
  • Okkey Poo Poo 2009/07/19 08:47:16
    Okkey Poo Poo
    sorry to here that,and i say just confront her
  • Josh 2009/07/19 03:32:55
    I'm sorry to hear about your situation, and as a divorced man I can tell you that it isn't easy. I hope you are able to find love and trust in your next relationship. They are the to most important aspects of a successful relationship, they are also the hardest to find.
  • Fedx 2009/07/19 02:40:23
    well, she didnt cheat yet. she was going to. but the best thing to do is tell her and go kick her co worker's ass. please. take it from me. forget that ur hurt. think more about how angry u are. then ur gonna regret not kicking the guys ass.
  • QueenBee 2009/07/19 00:57:33
    married 3 months and she's already flirting with someone else? you should kick that slut out the door. and kick her boyfriend in the balls.
    hoe. >:O
  • Kathrine 2009/07/19 00:52:14
  • Lysandra 2009/07/18 23:16:36
    leave her..... she doesn't deserve you or any guy for that matter.
  • Fedx Lysandra 2009/07/19 02:37:37
    do u kno her personally?
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