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How does one help a friend?

666_Maggots 2012/09/18 19:38:34
So, my friend recently broke up with her boyfriend (actually last night, apparently, from what she told me this morning) because she found out he was cheating on her, well, she's really upset. She started crying in class this morning and just wasn't herself at all. :/ I feel sad for her as well. Anyway, is there any ideas as to how I can help cheer her up or should I just leave her alone? I let her vent to me but I just didn't know what to say because I was never in this situation.
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  • Just MEH....Piwan 2012/09/19 14:42:11
    Just MEH....Piwan
    +1
    Let her get it out of her system, and just tell her if there is anyway you can help her for her to let you know. Just be there for her, basically.
  • tj ~(^-^)~ 2012/09/19 13:16:17
    tj  ~(^-^)~
    +1
    Okay, I myself have been in your friend's position, and it's certainly not a good one. Personally, when I went through that I was thinking things like; 'What did she have that I didn't?', 'Why aren't I good enough?' and so on. If she's also thinking these things, well, it helped me to be reassured. He obviously wasn't a good person at all, and I don't think she should forgive him. I'm sorry I can't remember what was said to me, but I just know that it helped to have me best friend nearby and being supportive.
    As long as you remember, you're not just helping her 'cope' with what happened, but also to actually get over the bastard. :)
    Hope I helped, and good luck to you ^-^
  • KoAm 2012/09/19 06:37:13
    KoAm
    +1
    There's no "one size fits all" approach to this situation. Each person grieves differently, each person handles a break-up differently, and each person is on his/her own pace as far as getting over it and moving on.

    Generally, though, there are no "magic words" that you can say to her to make her feel better. I suggest just letting her know that you are there for her. Be there for her, but don't presume that she needs friends around her all the time. She may need some time alone as well. It depends on what kind of person she is.

    Perhaps it might work to just tell her that you're there whenever she needs you, whether it's to talk or just to hang out and do "friends' stuff." The latter may help her take her mind off of the break-up.

    A few things NOT to do:

    - Don't confront the ex-boyfriend (your friend doesn't need you to fight her battles for her. She needs you to help her move on, and confrontation with the boyfriend isn't going to help in that regard. It will only pour gasoline on a still-burning fire.)

    - Same goes for the girl he cheated on your friend with. You have no fight with her. Don't start one.

    - Don't introduce her to a new guy (at least not right now ... wait till she's ready first)

    - Don't smother her. Be there for her, but respect he...
    There's no "one size fits all" approach to this situation. Each person grieves differently, each person handles a break-up differently, and each person is on his/her own pace as far as getting over it and moving on.

    Generally, though, there are no "magic words" that you can say to her to make her feel better. I suggest just letting her know that you are there for her. Be there for her, but don't presume that she needs friends around her all the time. She may need some time alone as well. It depends on what kind of person she is.

    Perhaps it might work to just tell her that you're there whenever she needs you, whether it's to talk or just to hang out and do "friends' stuff." The latter may help her take her mind off of the break-up.

    A few things NOT to do:

    - Don't confront the ex-boyfriend (your friend doesn't need you to fight her battles for her. She needs you to help her move on, and confrontation with the boyfriend isn't going to help in that regard. It will only pour gasoline on a still-burning fire.)

    - Same goes for the girl he cheated on your friend with. You have no fight with her. Don't start one.

    - Don't introduce her to a new guy (at least not right now ... wait till she's ready first)

    - Don't smother her. Be there for her, but respect her choice to have her private time and space if that's what she wants. (That's not an easy line to walk, but you're her friend, so you can probably figure it out.)
    (more)
  • 3414503 2012/09/19 02:41:58
  • James 2012/09/19 02:22:55
    James
    +1
    Not much you can do. Things like this happen. Best she can do is learn from it and move on.
  • rand 2012/09/19 00:48:16
    rand
    +1
    Verbal catharsis doesn't have much advantage. When my first wife left, I had a date the same evening. Let her mourn as much as she needs but encourage her to get back on the horse as soon as she feels ready AND do fun activities with her.
  • L1 2012/09/18 23:53:19
    L1
    +1
    Just be there for her and listen may be the only things you can do. She needs to vent and grieve first and that can take some time. When she feels a bit better, you can offer her fun days out to help cheer her up. Good luck.
  • jc 2012/09/18 23:46:30
    jc
    +1
    Just being there quietly and listening.
  • The River Rat 2012/09/18 23:07:31
    The River Rat
    +1
    Just being there and listening helps a lot. You never know what to say because you don't want to say the wrong thing and make matters worse or have her mad at you too.
  • Elbuscus 2012/09/18 22:50:28
    Elbuscus
    +1
    you don't have to give her advice. sometimes all someone needs is for someone to listen to them. just be there for her and be patient with her. maybe surprise her from time to time with her favorite snack/candy, and give her lots of hugs.
  • *DEATH FrEaK* 2012/09/18 22:42:18
    *DEATH FrEaK*
    +1
    to tell you the truth.... i would just tell your friend that if he cheated on her then they just don't belong.... tell her your sorry but also tell her that there r many guy's who would be joyed to date her.... it's not the end of the world but some think it is.... it's really up to you 666_maggots~passionforglory BN-1 Only a friend can make a friend feel better so it's up to you
  • Dryth 2012/09/18 22:39:16
    Dryth
    +1
    Let a little time pass, but in a day or two, if you want to try and help, go do something to get her mind off the whole mess. That's what I wanted during my breakup, just a thought.
  • Recruit 2012/09/18 21:34:05
    Recruit
    +1
    She is your friend,let her vent and cry on your shoulder.You being there for her when she needs someone is a big help.
  • Juan O'Mara 2012/09/18 21:02:11
    Juan O'Mara
    +1
    the easiest way for them to get back together is for him to say " I love you" and like a typical female she will fall for it they will get back together and he will cheat again on her.
  • 666_Mag... Juan O'... 2012/09/18 21:02:58
    666_Maggots
    +1
    That's not what I'm going for here....
  • Juan O'... 666_Mag... 2012/09/18 21:03:36
    Juan O'Mara
    +1
    I apologize
  • Jacques 2012/09/18 20:59:24
    Jacques
    +1
    I have been in a bad mood for a week, so I hope I say something useful. ;-\

    What usually happens in these instances is this ... if you had a boyfriend, you would be breaking up with him in a sympathetic over reaction right about now. Followed by commiseration that you and your friend should be treated better by all guys.
  • YourCompanionCube 2012/09/18 20:32:40
    YourCompanionCube
    +1
    Sometimes people just need to vent to an outlet (You, in this case) and all you do is agree. It's not the end of the world :)
  • 666_Mag... YourCom... 2012/09/18 20:45:23
    666_Maggots
    +1
    But I'm frantic to help my friends! So yes, yes it is like the end of the world. >.>
  • YourCom... 666_Mag... 2012/09/18 20:51:40
    YourCompanionCube
    I was once or twice...But I learned that sometimes my place is elsewhere, out of the inside. It's about them, not us.
  • 666_Mag... YourCom... 2012/09/18 20:53:54 (edited)
    666_Maggots
    +1
    *Sigh* I just really hate seeing my friends hurt. >.<
  • YourCom... 666_Mag... 2012/09/18 20:58:17
    YourCompanionCube
    Yeah, it hurts everyone. but sometimes there's little you can do...Sometime's there's a lot, sometimes there's nothing :(
  • 666_Mag... YourCom... 2012/09/18 20:59:23
    666_Maggots
    +1
    Fair enough, I suppose.
  • The Riv... 666_Mag... 2012/09/18 23:10:11
    The River Rat
    +1
    Just listen and be there for her. That's the best you can do right now.
  • kate 2012/09/18 20:19:43
  • Metaldane 2012/09/18 20:10:22
    Metaldane
    +1
    Well what I've done when my sis is lime that is just listen and try convincing her it'll get better cuz eventually it does and the thing that has worked best is getting her to laugh works everytime lol.
  • SA 2012/09/18 20:07:08
    SA
    +1
    Sometimes the best thing to do is just to listen. Most times you don't have to say anything. Just tell her you are there if she needs to talk.
  • Jimbo 2012/09/18 19:59:13
    Jimbo
    +2
    I think you did the best thing. When I got divorced nothing made me feel better than having a friend to talk to. She has to work it out herself.
  • cj 2012/09/18 19:58:39
    cj
    +1
    Share with her that you have no idea what to say, but that you are her friend, and want to help her through it... and then help her create some new and positive memories.... time will do the rest
  • Azazyel's Dragon 2012/09/18 19:45:35
    Azazyel's Dragon
    +2
    Just try to boost her confidence. Let her know she's a good person, and that the boyfriend is a jerk. Just tell her her that she's better off without that loser. Take her out for some chocolate chocolate ice cream and let her vent to you. She'll be fine.
  • ziad 2012/09/18 19:43:03
    ziad
    +2
    When my friend asked me to help
  • Gone Away 2012/09/18 19:42:12
    Gone Away
    +4
    Be there...be patient, & non-judgmental! She'll return the favor one day!

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