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How Do You Know You're in Love?

Living 2012/02/24 14:00:00
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When it comes to love, they say you "just know." But YourTango.com reports that there are actually five key signs to look for when you think you may be in love: You can't stop staring at them, you feel high, you can't stop touching them, you can't stop thinking about them and you want to be exclusive. Sound about right?



1. You can't stop staring at him/her: Dr. Lucy Brown, neuroscientist and professor at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, tells YourTango that when you fall in love, you can't stop staring at the object of your affection. Just be sure not to creep him/her out!

2. You feel high: There's a reason why you're so blissful when you're in love -- the brain produces more feel-good dopamine, as well as norepinephrine, which makes you feel nervous (e.g. the racing heart sensation).

3. You can't stop touching him/her: Dr. Bianca Acevedo, Visiting Scientist at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, tells YourTango that your body will subconsciously lean toward your love object's body, mainly because you want to feel emotionally closer to him or her.

4. You can't stop thinking about him/her: Shockingly, people think about their love object about 85 percent of the day.

5. You want to be "exclusive": If you're really in love, you don't want to be with anyone else ... and you want the relationship to be long-lasting, Dr. Brown tells YourTango.

Do you think these five signs stick? How do you know when you're really in love, as opposed to in lust or in like?
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  • john 2012/02/25 20:13:30
    You can't stop thinking about him/her
    john
    +2
    The person is in your thoughts 24/7
  • jimrthy BN-0 2012/02/25 18:37:18
    You feel high
    jimrthy BN-0
    +7
    Yet another question that needs an "Other" answer. This one just came closest.

    All these options miss the real point entirely.

    "I love you" simply means "Your happiness means more to me than mine." When you realize that about someone else, you're in love. Until then, you aren't.

    These things are just superficial garbage. They describe the crushes I had in junior high.
  • XRenX jimrthy... 2012/02/25 19:43:46
    XRenX
    Yeah, I was waiting for something more profound in the description of this question. Even I knew this and I am barely an adult.
  • JayLynx jimrthy... 2012/02/26 09:48:33
    JayLynx
    Hi, friend.

    maybe not - what you call garbage, I call symptoms. But in part, I agree - a true lover may even waive for the hapiness of a partner, almost like moms can do! (''Almost'' because moms don't wait reciprocity, love wants it - or dies).
    I think about him 24/7, when I see a beautiful jacket, I close my eyes, and there is him wearing that! When I'm cooking, I fancy inviting him to dinner here... A lot of songs, and movies, make me remember him, his words... Worrying me with his welfare, and trust in him is another prove. And butterflies in the stomach can happen no matter how old a person is!
    Love is a sentiment, no one feels it in the same way.
    I used to make a test: If I can look at the mirror and confess ''Mr..., I love you'' with no doubt, then I love him (One can't lie to oneself).
  • jimrthy... JayLynx 2012/03/05 05:32:55
    jimrthy BN-0
    I'll just stick to this: the lies we tell ourselves are a *lot* nastier than the ones we try to tell others.
  • JayLynx jimrthy... 2012/03/07 11:07:01
    JayLynx
    I can't lie to me. Even some unwanted things I'd rather deal with, and fetch the root of my problems.
    Nice to see you, bye, bye.
  • jimrthy... JayLynx 2012/03/11 19:54:35
    jimrthy BN-0
    I don't know *anyone* who doesn't tell themselves lies about something. Maybe it's the gay guy who pretends he isn't and prays to be "fixed". Maybe it's someone who's really bad at their job but believes he's really good because he's so incompetent he can't tell. Maybe it's a girl who believes she's incapable of love because she got burned so badly that she can't bear to let anyone else get close.

    If you really can't, I'd say you're a 1 in a billion kind of person.
  • JayLynx jimrthy... 2012/04/05 08:44:17
    JayLynx
    Maybe I am one in 9 billion persons. (What I have not is modesty!)
    No kidding - I assume my mistakes, and I know nobody is perfect, using or not a make up; because of that, and because to lie is to put lot of energy in "nothing", I don't lie.
  • jimrthy... JayLynx 2012/04/08 18:58:42
    jimrthy BN-0
    Good for you.

    Whether you lie to yourself or not, the effort not to lie to anyone else puts you *way* ahead of most people.
  • JayLynx JayLynx 2012/04/10 01:57:32
    JayLynx
    may I say thanks?
  • jere.chievres 2012/02/25 18:35:31 (edited)
    You can't stop thinking about him/her
    jere.chievres
    +2
    I know I cant, even dream about her when not with her. Actually ALL of the above!
  • YeahISaidIt 2012/02/25 18:31:31 (edited)
    You feel high
    YeahISaidIt
    +1
    All of the above. After almost two years of being officially together I still get butterflies. I've never cried out of pure happiness with someone. It was always only sadness. Friends got pissed that I would bring him up so much. But I can't help it. He's my soul mate.
  • Happy_Evil_Dude 2012/02/25 18:06:31
    You feel high
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    In your pants that is!
  • Paloma 2012/02/25 18:06:23
    You can't stop thinking about him/her
    Paloma
    I've had all of these things happen to me with my boyfriend and this guy I used to date a while ago, but I think it's too quick to say I'm "in love". I obviously have strong feelings for my boyfriend but we've only been together for about three months.
  • jimrthy... Paloma 2012/02/25 19:28:16
    jimrthy BN-0
    +1
    Time's important. Don't rush.
  • Paloma jimrthy... 2012/02/25 22:08:13
    Paloma
    I agree. I honestly don't understand how a lot of people my age or younger can be all "Oh my goodness, I'm so in love!" about every two months.
  • Flakkita Cakes 2012/02/25 17:54:57
    You can't stop touching him/her
    Flakkita Cakes
    How do you kno if your in love?? me i dont kno. Its like 50/50. some times i just really like him but i catch myself looking at other people too....i dont even kno what im doing but ineed hepl before this goes on for too long.. :/
  • jimrthy... Flakkit... 2012/02/25 19:27:43
    jimrthy BN-0
    Mind if I PM you over this one?
  • the_old_coach 2012/02/25 17:26:22 (edited)
    You want to be "exclusive"
    the_old_coach
    +2
    Because this IS a "SodaHead question" there is NO "ALL OF THE ABOVE" OR "NONE OF THE ABOVE" (LEAVE A COMMENT) OPTIONS! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!



    Okay then.



    Of all of these options (they ALL apply, don't they?), the one I believe is most important is that "exclusive" tag. Once that happens that's "it."



    couple in love
  • Vipor_GG the_old... 2012/02/25 22:04:08
    Vipor_GG
    +1
    The lack of an other option drive me mad. I refuse to vote in polls without it.
  • JJ 2012/02/25 17:26:09
    You can't stop thinking about him/her
    JJ
    +2
    This is puppy love. Real love is sacrfice, commitment. Real love is something that has to grow.
  • animelover123 2012/02/25 17:15:18
    You can't stop thinking about him/her
    animelover123
    +2
    The person is in your head every freaking minutes of the freaking day
  • Jorge Enriquez 2012/02/25 17:12:45
    You can't stop thinking about him/her
    Jorge Enriquez
    +2
    you can´t avoid!!!
  • ♥ Amy ♥ Is Home♥ 2012/02/25 16:46:08
    You want to be "exclusive"
    ♥ Amy ♥ Is Home♥
    +2
    All of those things are great though can stil be tied to lustful wanting, I think when you decide you don't want to be with anyone else, at that point you "just know"
  • jimrthy... ♥ Amy ♥... 2012/02/25 19:24:42
    jimrthy BN-0
    I've been in love with several women.

    It was rarely an exclusive thing.

    Making it exclusive, to me, implies jealousy. And jealousy is the opposite of love.

    There have been many who were so awesome that I wasn't interested in anyone else. But I wouldn't have tried to tie any of them down to just me. The more people you love, the greater your capacity to love.
  • XRenX jimrthy... 2012/02/25 19:48:32
    XRenX
    +3
    How can you be in love with more than onoe living person. Your attention is so divided.m You cannot devote all of yourself to muliple people b/c you are busy giving other bits and pieces to various parties.
  • jimrthy... XRenX 2012/03/05 05:46:21
    jimrthy BN-0
    How can you not?

    I love my brother with all my heart. And also my mother. I'm pretty fond of my father.

    This does not diminish my capacity to love any of them, or any of the rest (my extended family's pretty huge, and I love them all as well).

    Focusing all your love on one other person is, of course, totally valid. The majority tells us that's the only possible strategy/approach. "Everyone knows" that's the best way.

    But it isn't. Anything that "everyone knows" is probably wrong.

    Dating 5 different women who collectively create the "perfect woman" for me is a lot easier than trying to actually find The One. Kids may or may not be involved. The "vice versa" principle applies.

    The more love you give, the more you receive.
  • XRenX jimrthy... 2012/03/05 18:38:04
    XRenX
    Love and being "in love" are completely different. I clearly said, "in love" with 2 different people simultaneously. "The more love you give, the more you receive." You are one person who gets "love" from five different women that is 5x more love than you can give. You are their main focus, (I am asuming), yet your attention is divided.

    You do not seem to love them b/c you want them to be perfect for you and it is about what they can do for YOU and give to YOU. How can it be love if you are not truly devoting as much time as possible to a certain person in order to give them everything they need/want including your time and attention.
  • jimrthy... XRenX 2012/03/11 20:14:39
    jimrthy BN-0
    I would not expect them to be exclusive to me. Or even that I be their main focus. Odds are, one will be more special to me than the rest. That one may or may not receive the bulk of my attention.

    I'm not sure there's anyone on the planet who I *could* focus all my time and attention on. Even if we cut out the parts where we're doing things with other people because she just isn't interested and I don't want to drag her along to events she won't enjoy. It does not make me any less in love with her if I happen to also be in love with some of those other people.

    I had one woman I love explain it this way: "The more love I get from you, the more I have to share with everyone else. And vice versa" It's like a muscle: the you exercise it, the stronger it gets.

    This isn't selfishness on my part. I'm not going to settle for anyone who isn't perfect for me or doesn't believe I'm perfect for her. I'm not going to mope around waiting for her--I'm developing myself into the truly amazing person who will be deserving and worthy of her when we meet.

    When a couple has kids, they have definitely taken a step that will lead to less time for each other. Is it a sign that they are suddenly less in love?

    Why would anyone want to spend the rest of their lives with someone who isn't perfect for them? ...

    I would not expect them to be exclusive to me. Or even that I be their main focus. Odds are, one will be more special to me than the rest. That one may or may not receive the bulk of my attention.

    I'm not sure there's anyone on the planet who I *could* focus all my time and attention on. Even if we cut out the parts where we're doing things with other people because she just isn't interested and I don't want to drag her along to events she won't enjoy. It does not make me any less in love with her if I happen to also be in love with some of those other people.

    I had one woman I love explain it this way: "The more love I get from you, the more I have to share with everyone else. And vice versa" It's like a muscle: the you exercise it, the stronger it gets.

    This isn't selfishness on my part. I'm not going to settle for anyone who isn't perfect for me or doesn't believe I'm perfect for her. I'm not going to mope around waiting for her--I'm developing myself into the truly amazing person who will be deserving and worthy of her when we meet.

    When a couple has kids, they have definitely taken a step that will lead to less time for each other. Is it a sign that they are suddenly less in love?

    Why would anyone want to spend the rest of their lives with someone who isn't perfect for them? I understand the logic of settling for someone who's good enough and planning on "improving" them. Expecting someone else to change in the ways I want seems incredibly selfish to me.

    It isn't about what they (or she) can do for me. It's about what we can do for each other. If I were some selfish taker, who never gave anything back, you'd have a point. I try to give as much as I receive.
    (more)
  • XRenX jimrthy... 2012/03/13 18:19:15 (edited)
    XRenX
    I don't believe in changing a person, yes improvement will come and ppl always do change but I would not intentionally try yo change them.

    Also other factors will take time away from each other aside from kids, of course you don't love them less but romantically ideally, that one person would be need/want when it is real love.

    Anyway, I don't see the point of arguing...I never could understand open relationships, never will and quite frankly, don't even prefer to try to much.
  • jimrthy... XRenX 2012/03/17 06:09:57
    jimrthy BN-0
    I'd rather find some one person who's perfect for me.

    I've accepted the reality that this isn't likely.

    I just want acceptance that this is OK. Monogamy works for you. It probably won't for me. Don't try to force me to live by your rules.

    If I hit the jackpot and run across a woman I can settle down with...rejoice for me. Until then, just accept that I'm looking for her and don't judge.
  • JayLynx ♥ Amy ♥... 2012/02/26 10:00:34
    JayLynx
    +1
    Exclusivity, loyalty, faithfulness ... Are spontaneous, as if all the other guys had been erased from the maps! And, of course, they shall be mutual.
  • ♥ Amy ♥... JayLynx 2012/02/27 13:25:50
    ♥ Amy ♥ Is Home♥
    Bonus Rave =)
  • JayLynx ♥ Amy ♥... 2012/03/02 05:35:51
  • ♥ Amy ♥... JayLynx 2012/03/02 14:58:24
    ♥ Amy ♥ Is Home♥
    You're welcome
  • Amasaman ♥ Amy ♥... 2012/02/26 17:33:21
    Amasaman
    +1
    Exactly!
  • Wildflower66 2012/02/25 16:09:15
    You can't stop thinking about him/her
    Wildflower66
  • SimmeringArtist 2012/02/25 15:00:50
    You can't stop thinking about him/her
    SimmeringArtist
    +2
    why isn't there an "all of the above" button? Cuz all of that happens when I'm with him.
  • Sprout 2012/02/25 14:54:04
    You can't stop thinking about him/her
    Sprout
    +1
    you feel it with every once in your body.
  • Jules 2012/02/25 14:50:29
    You can't stop thinking about him/her
    Jules
    I've only been in love once, for three years, and I couldn't stop thinking about him not for the life of me. Now I'm in another relationship...but I'm not in love, I know I'm not because it's not the same.

    Also, I think it's a combination of all those things, because that's what I was like when I was in love.

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