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How do you cope with a drunk in the family?

angelgrl 2008/11/16 04:14:35
Move away and live a happy life?
Get them help?
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My fiance's dad is always drunk. He is abusive, hits his wife, his sons, got in a fight with my fiance 3 times, and even hit me twice! I don't know what to do. His mom says she is going to leave him but never does. My fiance has depression because of his family.. Since we have been together he has been on so may pills to try to help him, nothing is working. He took 2 Tylenol's, 5 Benadryl's, and 2 Clonopin's to help him fall asleep. I'm so afraid he is going to kill himself because of his dad. We are both 21 and we have been together for 4 years and have been engaged for 1 year. I really wish I knew what to do to help him. I keep telling him to move in with me but he always says no. I really need help!!!!
Things just keep getting worse and worse!! :(
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  • Moderated 2008/11/16 04:27:25 (edited)
    Move away and live a happy life?
    Moderated
    +4
    I refuse to deal with an alcoholic. I don't have to, so I don't. So many people forget they have choices still...they get so caught up in their dependence. Sure, it's hard to move on and change is scary, but we have choices.


    If he EVER lays a hand on you again, the *best* thing for you to do is call the cops and press charges for assault. You have, at that moment, set your boundaries. It doesn't matter how the rest of the family feels once it's done. What is important is what you are willing to put up with. You need to let your fiance also see that NO, IT IS *NOT* OKAY TO LAY A HAND ON ME IN ANGER.

    My prayers for you and his family.

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  • Flirty 2008/11/16 13:27:37
    Move away and live a happy life?
    Flirty
    You two need to just leave the situation and find your own lives!!!! Your fiance's mother needs to make a choice, and it's a choice that only she can make! It has nothing to do with your fiance! If the two of you choose to leave, then you should offer the mom a chance to go too, because perhaps she is afraid that he will come looking for her. I presume your fiance's siblings are under age, so perhaps they will need to come too, but in order to keep the family together and leave the drunk behind, and still keep your relationship with your fiance, I believe that may be the best answer. And, should the man ever try to hurt you again, that would be assault, and I would definitely call the cops! DO NOT put yourself in the situation of feeling sorry for the jerk. And if your fiance and his mother do not understand that, then they need to come to grips with their own feelings and situation, because that would make them enablers. They need to go to Alanon meetings, if nothing else!
  • woo 2008/11/16 05:42:30
    None of the above
    woo
    +1
    I know it sounds bad, but I would give him an ultimatum. Move in with me or stay with your dad. The fact is his dad is grown. Your fiancé needs to worry about his life not his father’s. And his father has even went as far as to hit you. My father has always been an alcoholic crack head junkie. And I refuse to subject my son to that. If you two were to have a child would he want his father in the child’s life? I mean this is something you need to know will change for the better, before you say I do.
  • Ves~Sailor Soldier of PHAET 2008/11/16 05:00:34 (edited)
    Get them help?
    Ves~Sailor Soldier of PHAET
    +1
    I already lived this life and its a horrible way to live, it never ends on a good note without any help or without leaving it all behind.



    No one should put up with an alcoholic especially if they are violent. Get away. Its not healthy and its showing that people are dying inside over it. They need help, they also have AA meetings for the people who don't drink so they can learn about the disease and also get better themselves, because they are too also being abused by the drug. Alcohol can be messy and there is not much to do then get help and if it doesnt work, you leave it behind.



    Its time you both look out for yourself. When i was a child i grew up with alcoholism in my family, they were violent people and we lived in a domestic violent home, and day in and day out i put my life on the line trying to talk to the people who drank and i cried never knowing if i was going to live or die, or if i would have a parent live or die. You both dont have to live this life, and i dont recommend you do if you both can move away and get on with your lives. My family remained f*cked up even after it all ended. I don't have a strong bond with my mom, i hardly talk to my brothers, and i just don't care about a lot of things anymore. Don't let them turn you into that. Get them help and if they don'...'



    '



    I already lived this life and its a horrible way to live, it never ends on a good note without any help or without leaving it all behind.



    No one should put up with an alcoholic especially if they are violent. Get away. Its not healthy and its showing that people are dying inside over it. They need help, they also have AA meetings for the people who don't drink so they can learn about the disease and also get better themselves, because they are too also being abused by the drug. Alcohol can be messy and there is not much to do then get help and if it doesnt work, you leave it behind.



    Its time you both look out for yourself. When i was a child i grew up with alcoholism in my family, they were violent people and we lived in a domestic violent home, and day in and day out i put my life on the line trying to talk to the people who drank and i cried never knowing if i was going to live or die, or if i would have a parent live or die. You both dont have to live this life, and i dont recommend you do if you both can move away and get on with your lives. My family remained f*cked up even after it all ended. I don't have a strong bond with my mom, i hardly talk to my brothers, and i just don't care about a lot of things anymore. Don't let them turn you into that. Get them help and if they don't accept it or it doesn't help them then your cut yourselves off.



    The next time someone lays a hand on you, you charge them with assault, it doesn't matter who it is.



    brothers care turn accept cut nest lays hand charge assault
    (more)
  • realistic one 2008/11/16 04:48:04
    Get them help?
    realistic one
    +2
    Fortunately my Dad sobered up after a number of years. But I can tell you that you should never have let him hit you. EVER! There is nothing that could justify letting that go. The sad fact is, if your fiance is going to let that happen you better think a lot about being with him in the future. No one lets no one hit their girlfriend or wife. That's put of the question.
    Now if you want to do something worthwhile contact Al-anon and have one of their advisers help you through this situation. Also, tell your fiance and his Dad that if you are ever hit again his ass is in jail and you don't know that family anymore.
    The fiances Mother feels trapped. I know about that. But this isn't the 1800's where women have to take that. Get on the phone to Al-anon for starters and get refernces. They are all too familiar with this.
  • Moderated 2008/11/16 04:27:25 (edited)
    Move away and live a happy life?
    Moderated
    +4
    I refuse to deal with an alcoholic. I don't have to, so I don't. So many people forget they have choices still...they get so caught up in their dependence. Sure, it's hard to move on and change is scary, but we have choices.


    If he EVER lays a hand on you again, the *best* thing for you to do is call the cops and press charges for assault. You have, at that moment, set your boundaries. It doesn't matter how the rest of the family feels once it's done. What is important is what you are willing to put up with. You need to let your fiance also see that NO, IT IS *NOT* OKAY TO LAY A HAND ON ME IN ANGER.

    My prayers for you and his family.
  • flaca BN-0 2008/11/16 04:19:00 (edited)
    None of the above
    flaca BN-0
    +1
    put him in the White House :)

    Sorry, didn't read yr blurb. Hope things work out.
  • moomoof 2008/11/16 04:18:58
    None of the above
    moomoof
    +1
    i have no clue but if he cant see that he needs help there is no way in hell he will rehab you need to take care of yourself first with addicts and drunks giving them pity only makes them worse

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