HOW DO PEOPLE TRIUMPH OVER LIFE TRAGEDY and DIFFICULTIES?

A recent situation with a bitter family member,
(who I love very much), got me thinking about a person’s ability or inability, to
sustain a happy, healthy quality of life in spite of past adversities or
tragedy.

I have made it a policy
that I DO NOT counsel family members (one can never be sure of their own
objectivity with loved ones). I have stuck to my rule for all my years of being
a Counselor. However, it is very hard when you see a loved one floundering with
life, to not step in and use your experience as a therapist. All one can do
though, is try to be supportive in other ways.

Some people seem able to
move forward with grace, to live a full, happy, healthy life style. Others do
not seem to be able to put the past behind them, they seem stuck in the
negativity of their past adverse situations. Those people, I will refer to as the
“un-happy’s”, seem focused on the negatives in life, they continue to live as
victims of their past, struggling with life, and relationships. The un-happy’s,
seemingly blind to their personal negativity, do not seem to understand why
life continues to be so hard and painful.

After my experience with my
family member, I was left puzzling over this question, “Why is it that some people are able to
rebuild their lives after trauma and adversity, and others are not?”

(I am a survivor of trauma). My own personal life
experiences and my years of counseling other people, has taught me this: Human beings are built
to survive. People are built to withstand, and ‘triumph over’ tragedies,
atrocities, physical and emotional traumas. We are the only living creature on
earth, with such a great capacity for survival under the harshest conditions.

People are individuals, with many needs specific
to each individual. Therefore, everyone evaluates and negotiates any given situation,
on their personal terms. As far as survival and happiness, after a trauma or
disaster; there are people coming from many varied backgrounds with different personalities,
can achieve full and happy lives.

Then there are people, also
of varied personality and background, who seem unable to move forward to a
better day, they seem stuck in the negative of the past. I might add, in most
cases, those people cannot see why life continues to be so unhappy and hard for
them.

So, what are the defining factors to a person’s positive
or negative outcome after a tragic situation? Although I cannot definitively
say what that is for each individual, after years of counseling with victims of
abuse and tragedy, I have noticed certain characteristics in people who are
able to move forward to live a positive high quality lives after tragic situations.
Following, I would like to share my observations.

Since life for humans, is about much more then
physically surviving a situation, it is important to note that the following
points have to do with the “positive quality of life” a person is able to
achieve. I am only listing the positive characteristics which bring about a
positive outcome. Not every life successful person possesses all of the
following. However, it’s been my experience that in most cases successful
people possess most of them, if not all at some point.

I want to keep this
article in a positive frame, so I’m only listing the positives. You may on your
own, surmise that the lack of the following characteristics, applies to those
who unhappily remain stuck in the negative of past life events.

TEN POSITIVE CHARACTERISTICS in PEOPLE WHO TRIUMPH
OVER LIFE TRAGEDY and DIFFICULTIES

1.) HOPE factor, remains the chief factor. A person is still able
to see the positives in life, so they are able to see the possibilities for a
positive future. Hope is listed here
separately from the following, “Spiritual Framework, Faith” because it has been
my experience that not everyone who achieves hope does it within a spiritual
frame.

2.) SPIRITUAL FRAMEWORK factor, ‘FAITH’ remains a chief
factor as well. If there could be two number one factors, I would list this
factor as such. This involves some ‘spiritual awakening’ of a kind, prior to,
during, or following a tragic personal experience. The person realizes that
there is more to life then what is seen. Recognizing and finding a way to reason
with the unknown or/and the unexplainable, is a must in accepting and living
life happily to the fullest. Spirituality helps all of us to grow and accept
life as is, removing judgment from self and others, bringing peace within,
which makes way for joy. Human beings are the only living creatures on earth,
who need an understanding of the spiritual, and who have a desire to worship
“that which formed us”.

3.) PERSONAL GROWTH factor, a person is able to gain
good, strong character from their personal experience. The person is able to
see the “positive influence” that their experience has had on them.

4.) FORGIVENESS factor, a person ‘chooses’ to
‘NOT BECOME BITTER’ and is able to let go of the past, especially in regard to
any part someone else may have played in the tragedy they experienced. The
person does not keep blaming themselves or others for their current state. The
person harmed is able to see that “forgiveness” is more for their-self then
others who may be involved.

5.) SHEAR WILL factor, a person sets their mind
to succeed at being happy and fulfilled. The person takes action to find what
brings them happiness, and sets those things in motion to achieve happiness.

6.) LIFE AS A WHOLE factor, a person looks at their
life, seeing it as a whole life, good, bad, or otherwise; they do not see their
life as that “one experience” no matter how tragic or hard it was. The person
finds their own way to cope with the aftermath of what has happened to them.
Sometimes the person is able to reason with the situation, if not, they are
able to shelve it, not allowing it to gnaw at them, and move forward.

7.) GENETICS factor, it is a well studied,
well known fact, that some people are more prone to being happy and positive
(or depressive/negative) people. That may play a huge part in the next factor
coming up.

8.) ABSTRACT THINKING factor, People who are able to
recover from life tragedy and difficulties to move on to a happy, productive
life, seem to possess the ability for this function to a greater degree then
average. Abstract thought is the highest functioning level of the human thought
process. Abstract thought is the “seat of human wisdom” and understanding. It
is abstract thought process, which ENABLES HUMANS to DEVELOP CONCEPTS; it
enables creativity, intuitiveness, deduction and the ability to multitask. Abstract
thought process is responsible for compiling information, with its many variables,
then evaluating the information, and coming to a resolution as to how to
respond. Abstract thought process encompasses ‘emotional and logical’ to bring
‘balance.’ Therefore, it is the multi-dimensional function within our brain.

9.) THE UNKNOWN factor, during developmental
years, children who face ongoing trauma/abuse, can develop severe mental
disorders which will/can last them their entire lives, but some do not! Those
people are still able to develop a happy, productive life; those individuals
‘do possess’ all of the above factors to some degree or another. However, there
are unknown factors which are present in all happy, productive people who have
survived childhood trauma; those factors often remain a mystery to them-self
and those who know them. These individuals usually display other remarkable
characteristics, talents, and abilities. I personally call this, “THE DIVINE GRACE factor.”

10.) HELP and SUPPORT factor, people who most
successful in moving on to a higher quality lifestyle (following tragedy and
life difficulties), get emotional support from family/friends. In addition,
most often, they also seek help in dealing with recovery from their situation; (from
Therapist, Pastor, support group…).

This list is based on my education, my personal
observations as a therapist and my personal life experiences. Nevertheless,
this is my opinion.

Therefore,
I AM INTERESTED IN “WHAT IS YOUR OPINION?”

Please
share it with me,

Thank
You, for your participation!

Sincerely,
“Steam Trunk” Dolly Piper

~C~

PLEASE WATCH
THIS OFFICIAL TRAILER FOR BURNING MAN

This film is based on a true story of a
man who found his way to overcome personal tragedy.

THIS FILM SHOULD NOT BE
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