Double Down Sandwich: KFC A Menace To Society?

It’s official: the collapse of Western Civilization as we know it is nigh. In the past, reports of America’s death have been greatly exaggerated, but I think a few recent developments have shifted our culture’s status from critical to terminal.

Kentucky Fried Chicken, a purveyor of homely but delicious fare that is affordable and can feed a family of 10 for less money and effort than it takes to boil up a pot of discount noodles and top it with store-bought marinara sauce, has been beloved by busy Americans for generations.

Unlike McDonald’s, Burger King, Taco Bell and other fast-food joints that – despite their best Ronald McDonald, SuperSize, Value Meal, Happy Meal and diet-friendly attempts at making them family friendly – KFC has managed to largely escape the trans-fatty, trashy side of the tracks, unwholesome bugaboo that sits like a layer of congealed fat upon the shoulders of most chain restaurants.

That’s all going to change with the introduction of the artery-defying, heart-convulsing, blood pressure spiking (and aptly named) Double Down Sandwich. Those who dare to tear into a DDS will most likely exhibit symptoms so beautifully implicit in the name: whether dropping dead on the spot, doubled over with convulsive cramps or left feeling twice as depressed as they were before noshing the greasy, battered wonder, they will inevitably be double down for the count in some respect at some point soon after wolfing it down.

So what is this hideous, Dickensian creation, you ask?

The megabeast is comprised of (in a curt nod to health nuts everywhere) two white chicken meat fillets that are breaded (whoops, toodles health obsessed!); the greasy reconstituted battered chicken fillets seem to be designed to operate as some sort of newfangled bun. (Like Frankenstein's monster, this "sandwich" may be great in theory, but in reality, it's a menace to society).

Between the unwieldy brown blobs sits a filling of bacon, Monterey Jack and Pepper Jack cheese, topped with the Colonel’s special sauce. The whole package has 540 calories, 32 grams of fat and 1,380 milligrams of sodium; the slightly less gut-busting (but saltier) grilled version has 460 calories, 23 grams of fat and 1,430 milligrams of sodium.

According to the World Health Organization, the U.S. is the third-fattest nation in the world. Perhaps this will finally help us get to number 1!

It’s not the calorie count (not that high, considering what it contains) that gets my goat, it’s the basic idea of putting an oily pile of deep-fried chicken patties, melted cheese, bacon and spicy mayo in my paws and then eating it.

What do you think? Is this meaty monstrosity just a particularly pudgy blip on KFC’s airwaves or do you think it sounds like a delicious, bunless little meal?
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  • albertoyerman 2010/07/22 15:21:56
    Nasty, i never eat in any of this "imperios capitalistas". Mc Donalds can kiss my ...
  • ferret 2010/05/27 21:49:07
    I'm not surprised. Sure it's disgusting and extremely fattening, but this is KFC we're talking about. Since when do they care about the health of their customers?
  • barbarathaffns 2010/05/24 18:31:30
    Now I'm hungry!
  • CHEECH 2010/05/05 16:59:57
    well we all have eaten there food but on the other hand who isn't sick after eating there food because i know that i have many times i just cant stand the smell anymore its so sickening to me these day's
  • kfmay1 2010/05/01 21:32:58
    every bthing ecxcept fresh tomato
  • kfmay1 kfmay1 2010/05/01 21:33:42
    every thing except fresh tomato
  • brooke_lash98 2010/04/26 17:53:31
    sbj (sun butter and jelly)
  • hannah 2010/04/25 21:56:10
    thats looks gross
  • Izzy 2010/04/23 18:19:38
    That looks soooooo discusting
  • doglover101 2010/04/22 23:00:11
    i think the most discusting sandwich is pb&s; ( peanut butter and sardine sandwich)
  • loveevole 2010/04/22 19:40:34
    i just got the munchies ! jumy looks good
  • wrightanayah 2010/04/22 19:00:04
    omg that looks soooooo disgusting
  • vantogreen 2010/04/22 13:36:42
  • nicole_lockheart~princess o... 2010/04/22 05:33:34
    nicole_lockheart~princess of tears~
    uwishi desu!!!
  • TW0 F@CE 2010/04/21 17:05:52
    TW0 F@CE
  • kerrtoons 2010/04/20 13:22:36
    I think you should call 911 before you take your first bite.
  • Dark Raven Stone 2010/04/20 02:57:25 (edited)
    Dark Raven Stone
    Hmmm. It doesn't look that bad, but you can practically see the fattening oil dripping and melting through the counter.
  • a pug man 2010/04/19 16:58:42
    a pug man
    I like my TUNA sandwiches bunless.
  • doglove... a pug man 2010/04/22 23:01:34
    so you like plain tuna?????
  • a pug man doglove... 2010/04/28 01:42:03
    a pug man
    sorry for a delay in responding,but yes Ilove tuna bunless.
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Kathleen Willcox

Kathleen Willcox

United States

2009/10/23 23:07:45

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