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Do you think giving children material things spoils them?

webmaven August 13, 2009 21:41:17

I tend to give gifts to nephews, nieces and other children I am fond of. I don't, however, let them get away with being cruel to my cats or doing something that might harm them. Do you agree with me that it's more important to set behavioral limits or do you think material goods spoil kids?
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  • jhop August 14, 2009 02:40:04
    jhop

    Here's what I think

    Giving a child too many things makes him/her not appreciate any one thing very much. Giving a child things that are too expensive for his/her age or needs is just plain dumb.
  • Nevermore. August 14, 2009 01:40:23
    Nevermore.

    Here's what I think

    I think behavioral limits have much more to do with it. Material items won't necessarily spoil a child, but in excess they can. A child can have so many toys that they don't appreciate any of them. Or if they never have to work for their stuff, they won't appreciate it. Moderation, you know.
  • +1
    driley August 14, 2009 01:21:37
    driley

    Here's what I think

    I think its a matter of degree. I have seen children who have so much they value nothing. If they never have to wait and work to earn something, it bends their view of reality in an unhealthy way.

    Now, I am no way saying that you are overdoing it. I love to spoil my grandchildren. (In small amounts.) And helping shape their behavior while making sure they know Grandma loves them.
  • +1
    Dagon August 13, 2009 23:08:26
    Dagon

    A child with too many material goods will be spoiled regardless of other aspects of upbringing

    If they have a high expectation of material things, they will never appreciate the things they have. Buy as long as it is not frivilous and acting as a bribe to gain their attention then ok.
  • JTron August 13, 2009 22:53:55
    JTron

    Here's what I think

    I agree that setting behavioral limits is most important. My wife and I raised 5 daughters. They all had many "wants" but not that many needs. They learned to share. They got gifts at Christmas, Birthdays etc but we definitely set limits on expectations. They all learned that if they wanted "things" that they had to work for them. They all had jobs picking fruit (strawberries/raspberries) starting at 12 years old. I think that work motivated them throughout school. They are all out on their own, (3 married) and relatively successful.
  • +1
    VICTORIA August 13, 2009 21:52:20
    VICTORIA

    Here's what I think

    I really think if kids don't ever have to earn anything- they never really learn the value of what they are given.
    And they grow up with a sense of expectant entitlement.

    Gifts are nice, but if too many come too fast just for showing up to visit- parce them out some.
  • +1
    webmaven VICTORIA August 13, 2009 22:23:58
    webmaven
    good point, Victoria.
  • +2
    VICTORIA webmaven August 13, 2009 22:41:04
    VICTORIA
    Well, I had a great uncle, and every week a hoard of us kids would rush his house where he'd distribute quarters (in the 60s you could buy a candy bar with a dime) and rush out as soon as that quarter was in their hot little hands.

    He was a odd old bachelor- who drank instant coffee out of the same cup which he never washed by pouring hot tap water into it-

    I always stayed and watched Marlin Perkins Animal Kingdom with him, and scrubbed his cup out with comet.

    Years later, he told me that I ruined his cup (or coffee drinking) because he would build up that flavor on the sides of his cup- and I would wash it away.

    Yes, it is kind of disgusting- but- it was how he liked it- but he let me do it and always thanked me.
  • Twiggy August 13, 2009 21:47:39
    Twiggy

    Here's what I think

    Either that or they end up eating dirt
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