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Do You Ditch Your Friends When You're in a Relationship?

Living 2010/12/28 12:00:00
Related Topics: Relationship, dating, Sex
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Up one lover, down two friends.

Anthropologists recently found that when we enter into an exciting new romantic relationship, we wind up losing two of our closest pals.

"What I suspect happens is that your attention is so wholly focused on the romantic partner you don’t get to see these other people that you did before and those relationships deteriorate," Professor Robin Dunbar, who led the study at Oxford University, told the Telegraph.

Whether you're 10 or 50, you've probably been left in the lurch when a friend started dating someone new. And though you might not want to admit it, you've probably done some ditching yourself. Personally, we had a close friend we spoke to about twice a day before we met our significant other -- and now we talk to her about twice a week.

But as many of us have learned the hard way, relationships can cool over time -- and often, we find ourselves missing the buddies we left behind. Has this ever happened to you?

Read More: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/80...

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Top Opinion

  • tncdel 2010/12/28 18:02:08
    Undecided
    tncdel
    +8
    I would have chosen No, if it didn't have that "I'm careful not to do that" tacked onto it. For a true friendship allows you to be "whatever," not just "careful."

    Further, what most people call a "friend" isn't. A true friend is rare. And some may never find a single true friend in their lifetimes. A true friend doesn't abandon you. Ever. So this question really isn't about a true friend, but an ASSOCIATE.

    What most people call a friend is almost always just an associate. Not a business associate, but a social associate ... someone one associates with. But when times and circumstances change they can be gone like a sunny day. And if YOU left someone, they you too weren't actually that other person's true friend.

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  • scottanthony72 2011/12/04 19:26:24
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    scottanthony72
    If you want a serious relationship, you shouldn't allow opinion of friends or associates influence it. They are not in the relationship, but they shoudl remain part of your life, but also need to accept the balance. Otherwise it is control.

    From experience before, I can tell you that if you brign up "Well my friend said, and he/she thinks" you have just damaged the foundation of the relatioship, and continued use of that will result in further distrust. Isolate your partner, especially if they are truely wholeheartadly to make you happy, and you will eventually loose them.

    At the same time I would never expect my partner or passible partner I am dating to give up friends, I would liek to be apart of it, adn them to know who Iam and what I am about. Involving them in get togethers, movie nights, nights out. As long as my partner and friends realize I am in a personal relationship with this person, and what matters is how we make each other feel, and we are making sure the needs of the other are met.

    You can quickly loose a great partner in your life if you feel the need to leave them out of things, or say that you haven't told your circle of friends to bring HIM/HER into that circle. IF you are not puttign effort into him, and the relationship you have with that person, and let influence be an issue, you will not have a partner and jsut another friend, or loose that person all together.
  • RF90035 2011/07/23 14:20:31
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    RF90035
    I found that the greatest way to deal with life and relationships is to exercise balance
  • goalie10 2011/07/16 00:54:53
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    goalie10
    Friends come first. Always.
  • Beccy 2011/02/24 01:46:21
    Yes, I wind up doing that
    Beccy
    And then end up making mistakes
  • JustSaying. 2011/02/20 19:41:54
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    JustSaying.
    well my best friends and i all moved so we're pretty much all over the world, which also means we don't get in touch very often, but we're still pretty tight. i'd say, if they're your real, true friends, not talking to them for awhile wouldn't be a problem. what i mean is, that spending more time with your boyfriend/girlfriend wouldn't really make you lose those friends, because they'll understand, and if you guys are tight in the first place, you'll still get in touch once in awhile, and each time you do get in touch, you'd treasure that time. i think spending ALL your time with your partner (if you're not married) is a bit obsessive anyway, so you both would probably want to have time for other friends as well. that's just my opinion.
  • Ryan 2011/02/17 23:53:00
    Yes, I wind up doing that
    Ryan
    I try not to, but my girlfriend ends up becoming one of my best friends and the person I care for the most.
  • Jack's Pearl 2011/01/19 21:18:34
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    Jack's Pearl
    I don't even need to be careful not to do that. I don't do it. Never have and never will. I need balance and have known that for as long as I can remember.
  • Kate 2011/01/18 22:50:52
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    Kate
    My friends matter way more to me then some guy I'm dating/ hooking up with/ in a relationship with. It doesn't matter what the relationship is, I always am careful to not ditch my friends!
  • angel face 2011/01/10 09:38:38
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    angel face
    i couldn't ever do that. i find a balance. right now im in a very serious relationship but i can take a week off from seeing him and hes okay with that
  • Fred 2011/01/08 04:08:17
    Yes, I wind up doing that
    Fred
    I try not to, it just happens.
  • Andrew 2011/01/04 06:20:49
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    Andrew
    No, Im not that type of guy.
  • KinnUzumaki 2011/01/04 02:51:49
    Undecided
    KinnUzumaki
    i have never been in a relationship and never will...and even if someday that happens i will make sure someone amongst my good friends is my boyfriend not someone else... :P then there's no need to ditch anybody!
  • Hiyoko 2011/01/02 20:28:16
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    Hiyoko
    Yeah ones times i go to my boyfriend but i never let down my friend ones i want to be with my boyfiend and other times with my friends
  • shaken 2011/01/02 03:04:43
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    shaken
    Chicks Before Dicks!!!
  • Newbusinessguru 2011/01/01 23:30:45
    Yes, I wind up doing that
    Newbusinessguru
    I have noticed this sad phenomenon, and I lament its affect on society. I think it's much healthier to keep one's friends close, but I have found myself doing it more than once. I would love to break out of the bad pattern, and I'm going to try to.
  • Scott 2010/12/31 18:11:28
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    Scott
    I hope it never happens to me. Nobody should have to sacrifice their friends for the sake of their partner. The two can coexist quite peacefully.
  • Patriot 2010/12/30 10:15:09
    Yes, I wind up doing that
    Patriot
    It all depends on how serious the relationship is! Are they single friends or married friends?
    You dont need a single friends influence when having a relationship. Its having respect fo the person your dating. If its not serious of course dont dump your friends but keep them around. Bro's befo Ho's hahaha
  • Ginz 2010/12/30 08:54:18
  • Cathy 2010/12/30 00:51:52
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    Cathy
    +1
    I have many associates, but I only have one true friend. We have been friends for 46 years whic is great, but I don't let her or anyone come between my husband and myself!
  • NgiYeWch! Cathy 2010/12/30 01:15:44
    NgiYeWch!
    Sadly, some people assume it to be their real friends even if they're only there for reading porns, growing weeds & smoking it...that's the real ones huh?
  • Cathy NgiYeWch! 2011/01/04 13:56:24
    Cathy
    LOL :0) !
  • disogirl551 2010/12/29 23:13:08
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    disogirl551
    +1
    When I'm in a relationship, I actually grow closer to my friends, since I always go to them for advice.
  • NgiYeWch! disogir... 2010/12/30 00:06:22 (edited)
    NgiYeWch!
    I does that before..even to my elders like my parents..but I get to the point that when I got back to them they don't really want to help me out or my friends even can't, & My parents are the ones that are only there for me because they have sympathy on me & wonders how me & my baby are going to live without them..while the father of my kid is just in another state just taking care of himself, not worrying about any other things other than doing drugs with other people he think he can't live without...
  • LEVI 2010/12/29 22:34:30
    Yes, I wind up doing that
    LEVI
    yes, sadly to say i have in the past(way back when) and i regret it a lot because my friends got
    mixed signals from me. i really don't think it was ditching, mainly because back then i didn't
    realize that i was doing that......sorry ol' friends.....nothing personal just "thinking with the wrong
    head"...back then.
  • SkyGurl1 2010/12/29 21:54:33
    Yes, I wind up doing that
    SkyGurl1
    my friend had a close guy friend.. she only thought of him as a friend... one day he came up to her and he admited his love for her.. she never could talk seriously to him again, and things got ackward
  • Anna E 2010/12/29 21:32:18
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    Anna E
    +1
    My friendships are still there, just not as avid. And I did marry a best friend.
  • [Ev@n] 2010/12/29 21:12:30
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    [Ev@n]
    girls can come & go sometimes. friends r usually there for u
  • *Little Miss Maggot;<3 2010/12/29 21:07:42
    Yes, I wind up doing that
    *Little Miss Maggot;<3
    Yuppp, just recentlyy i lost a guy friend whoo is like my brotherrr justt cuz he doesnt like my boyfriend. =/
  • Momena 2010/12/29 20:40:09
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    Momena
    i need my friends they will be withe me if this dont go right
  • Luver 2010/12/29 20:24:04
    Undecided
    Luver
    I think if you end up hitting it off it can make a friend ship stronger, because your partner is suppost to be both a friend and a lover, but if you mess things up or it gets awkward, it can damage friendships.
  • not that 2010/12/29 19:50:29
    Undecided
    not that
    i guess that it depends on the friends and the person
    I dated one of my friends and we are still really good friends to this day
  • Lovelybadone 2010/12/29 19:41:42
    Undecided
    Lovelybadone
    It can, my best friend dated a guy that my other friend and I both were interested in, and she kept accusing us of being jealous whenever we said anything about it and she gave us less and less attention. We're not friends anymore, but I've been in a relationship and kept all my other ones the same.
  • Michelle 2010/12/29 19:26:09 (edited)
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    Michelle
    I have a friend who does, though. Every time she starts a relationship, her two besties (one being me) barely see her until they break up. When she was dating best guy friend (who lives in the same town as me... and she lives in a different one. He also goes to a different school than us.) she would visit me all the time so she could have me invite him over and then I would play third wheel. Then he cheated on her (with two girls and one guy) and I managed to break them up... and when she started dating a guy from our school, we barely heard a word from her for two weeks. Literally. We even had to learn of her relationship through the grapevine. Now she's dating a guy from the local college and is always "hanging with [boyfriend]" whenever we want to hang out after school. Needless to say, we feel more than a little neglected when we haven't spent time together outside of school since August.

    But she's still one of my two besties. When they break up, I'll be there for her still when she decides to come around. That's what I'm here for, right? To be her friend even when her relationship fails, and be there to pick up the pieces.
  • Lovelyb... Michelle 2010/12/29 19:43:38
    Lovelybadone
    It's nice of you to still be there for her, but when they do break up you need to sit her down and teach her chicks before dicks, and if she doesn't learn, it might not be worth it
  • Lerro DeHazel 2010/12/29 18:46:40
    Yes, I wind up doing that
    Lerro DeHazel
    Yes, it is so obvous with me . . .
  • Vanessa 2010/12/29 18:29:21
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    Vanessa
    I just wont :)
  • NatAlex23 2010/12/29 18:13:40
    Undecided
    NatAlex23
    I meant to click no. My friends are the most important people in my life. As a matter of fact, 5 out of the 6 partners I've had were friends first. And I'm not talking for a few weeks. I mean like at LEAST a few months.
  • Mediclees 2010/12/29 18:04:48
    No, I'm careful not to do that
    Mediclees
    hell no, my friends come first, if i lose a girl oh well i still got my budds
  • NgiYeWch! Mediclees 2010/12/29 19:28:51
    NgiYeWch!
    What if they got lovers they got nothin to do with you anymore..hahaah..if they ditch theirs for you that's nothing more like whoring..go get yourselves a prostitutes..Innocent girls shouldn't fall for your craps jerkasses
  • Mediclees NgiYeWch! 2010/12/29 19:39:56
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