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Do you believe most parents have a favorite child?

Michael, Arrivederci e amore 2007/09/30 18:55:59
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  • Ihr Hase ~ Radix Libertas 2007/09/30 19:07:44
    Undecided
    Ihr Hase ~ Radix Libertas
    +10
    There is much scientific evidence to say yes, there are favored children over ones less favored...

    The Middle Chile Syndrome being one of the more famous studies, one that I had taken part in when I was in college

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/1...

    What are the effects of ‘middle child syndrome’?
    The birth of a third kid changes your family dynamic. Stacy DeBroff of momcentral.com offers advice on raising a brood of three

    TODAY
    Updated: 11:35 a.m. ET Aug 14, 2006
    When you've got three kids in a family, as a parent you're outnumbered and as a kid chances are you might get lost in the middle. But what does all that say about your personality? Stacy DeBroff, founder of momcentral.com, shares some tips on parenting three.

    Sibling birth order and rivalry
    We know parents have a huge impact on our personality development, but so do our brothers and sisters. Statistics show we spend 33% of our free time with our siblings, more than anyone else! Now studies show that birth order and sibling relationships contribute to personality traits, self-esteem, and even ambition.

    Birth order personalities
    Oldest kids tend to emerge strong confident leaders. For example, almost all of the U.S. Presidents were either the first-born child or the first-born son in their families. And, ...





























    There is much scientific evidence to say yes, there are favored children over ones less favored...

    The Middle Chile Syndrome being one of the more famous studies, one that I had taken part in when I was in college

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/1...

    What are the effects of ‘middle child syndrome’?
    The birth of a third kid changes your family dynamic. Stacy DeBroff of momcentral.com offers advice on raising a brood of three

    TODAY
    Updated: 11:35 a.m. ET Aug 14, 2006
    When you've got three kids in a family, as a parent you're outnumbered and as a kid chances are you might get lost in the middle. But what does all that say about your personality? Stacy DeBroff, founder of momcentral.com, shares some tips on parenting three.

    Sibling birth order and rivalry
    We know parents have a huge impact on our personality development, but so do our brothers and sisters. Statistics show we spend 33% of our free time with our siblings, more than anyone else! Now studies show that birth order and sibling relationships contribute to personality traits, self-esteem, and even ambition.

    Birth order personalities
    Oldest kids tend to emerge strong confident leaders. For example, almost all of the U.S. Presidents were either the first-born child or the first-born son in their families. And, all but two of the first astronauts sent into space were first-borns. The oldest child or the firstborn is always going to be the most anticipated and exciting for the parent. Parents are nervous and making a trial run of their parenting skills. Every first is something new and exciting to celebrate. Plus, the baby gets full parental time and attention. However, as a child gets older frustrations can develop as oldest children tend to have more parental restrictions than younger siblings. Older children also may have the added responsibility of taking care of their younger brothers or sisters.

    Adding second and third children greatly impacts the family structure, and a middle child is created. Yes, the “Middle Child Syndrome” is very real. Middle kids bemoan their fate as being ignored and often grow resentful of all the parental attention given to the oldest and the baby of the family, and feel short-shifted. Three kids triangulate sibling relationships, with one child at any given point feeling like the odd man out from the chumminess of the other two.

    Parents tend to be much more easy-going, less anxious, and less demanding with second and third children. Thus many middle children grow up with a more relaxed attitude towards life than their older siblings; though they have to compete for family attention against the milestones set by the oldest, and growing up in their shadow. Middle children have to try a little harder to “be heard” or get noticed. The middle child usually has to fight harder for the attention of their parents and therefore crave the family spotlight. They may feel that they do not get as much praise as the older children for simple firsts like tying a shoe or riding a bike. Those things just become expected.

    The baby of the family basks in the sentimentality of being the last child, and are basically spoiled rotten. The youngest children tend to be most affectionate, and more sophisticated than their peers without older siblings to show them the ropes.

    Having a third child also means a changed parenting style. Here you must move from one-on-one to a zone defense. You no longer have one parent per child and everyone gets less individual time and attention. You have to double-up and the logistics get more complex.

    With three kids comes three times the chaos! Older children have to become more independent, which often involves being more adventuresome and more destructive. Suddenly you are feeding the baby and have sofa divers on your hands! Older siblings grow closer and develop as collaborators and co-conspirators.

    A triangulation of sibling relationships occurs with three kids, which can often mean an odd man out. As allegiances switch, give your attention to the excluded child of the moment — whisk them off for an adventure and ice cream helps!

    Favoritism
    An especially charged topic among parents is favoritism. Favoritism is a word no parent would like to use, even if in most cases it is somewhat inevitable. As a parent, you find yourself drawn to a child who is most like you — traits that you can identify with and deeply empathize with as you experience them yourself.

    But, siblings are like hawks when it comes to clues of favoring, and as parents we have endless capacity to love all our children uniquely. So you need to celebrate what you love about each, and absolutely curb yourself from ever saying that one child is more loved. It often helps to remind ourselves that we have endless capacity to love our children uniquely.

    Sibling rivalry
    Lastly, sibling rivalry is unavoidable, especially as a family grows. Although we would all like our children to just get along, we know it is an impossibility. The key is for parents to take a neutral position in sibling feuds to avoid the constant role of referee.

    Reduce sibling fighting by staying as uninvolved as possible. One more person yelling does not make the situation less stressful. Also institute a “no-fault” policy. Make it a family rule that as long as no one gets hurt, no tattling is allowed, and both kids go to their rooms no matter who started it.

    Also, in order to avoid sibling wars, never compare your children. Whether your child is the first born, middle, or youngest it is important to treat their accomplishments individually. It's natural for kids to compare themselves to their siblings and peers, and your challenge as a parent is to minimize sibling conflict, not aggravate it further. Your child will quickly pick up any comparisons you make and despair at any shortcomings of her own. As a result, she may start making judgments about herself in relation to her siblings and peers that mirror your opinions.

    In order to give your children confidence in their own abilities, sign them up for different activities to give them the chance to shine individually and have the opportunity to make separate friends. Never confide in one child that she is better or more talented than her sibling. Praise your children for supporting, teaching, or cheering each other on.

    My husband Ron, an only child, recently asked me when our kids Kyle and Brooks, ages 13 and 12, would stop fighting with other, and I assured him things were going well and it should be much better in a decade if all continues to go as planned!

    In conclusion, having three children can affect all aspects of a family life. However, children don’t need to live out the negative stereotypes that exist about birth order and personalities. This is a classic case of forewarned is forearmed. Now that we know how much siblings impact each, parents can counter the negative effects of birth order.
    (more)

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Opinions

  • kandycane 2012/07/30 04:02:11
    Yes
    kandycane
    Yes, my sister in law is defiantly favorite...so bad my husband dropped his family. Inlaws didn't offer to bring husband food or visit when I was in hospital. Overkill with religion!!!!!
  • Angel Eyes 2011/08/06 17:12:55 (edited)
    Yes
    Angel Eyes
    Both my parents always favor my little sister. They're always in her defence and I get the blame all the time even though I didn't do anything just because I'm older. They don't listen to a word I say but they are all ears for her. She can be a pain but I still love her.
  • Quantum 2011/03/31 08:19:20
    Yes
    Quantum
    My dad's favorite is my brother from his previous marriage, because they have more in common. My mom's favorite is my sister, because she is more normal than I am. My mom and I are too similar to relate better. That leaves no parent to favor me.
  • Natalii 2009/11/26 20:13:31
    Undecided
    Natalii
    My parents give me alot of attention and it gets really annoying sometimes, But they give my brother more attention than me. Me and my 2nd oldest brother are usually never home or home with friends. My oldest brother and my 3rd oldest brother dont. They are computer geeks & Get really annoying. Just my 3rd oldest brother peter, but i call him pewe. My parents spoil him like no other. I say why dont you get my a new jacket. they say that they got me stuff last week when it was 2 months ago. There always getting him new stuff, One day its a DS, the next's its a new computer, & After that its a new bed. My parents say they give more love to the youngest [Me) But i dont think so. They treat me like shit, if i was to get a piercing Or tat they wouldn't care. if it was one of my brothers they would. And sometimes i want to go to a sleep over, there like no, i say why Robert [2nd oldest bro) Goes out all the time and its no far, they say its just cuz im the only girl. iSay bs. God i need answers!
  • Guylene 2009/03/23 03:31:53
    Yes
    Guylene
    I am from a family of 10 children and I was the 9 th. Sometimes I have felt like my mother favored me but the more obvious she was about it, the more my sister, who was the 6th child, hated me. It made me sad because I loved my sister and wanted her to be loved the same way.
    Being somewhat 'favored' didn't do me any good. I felt
    less about my mother's character; worried about my sister,
    and felt I had to down play my positive attributes to draw
    less attention to myself.
  • Esha 2009/01/31 17:08:24
    Yes
    Esha
    Parents do have favourites. I am one of 5 siblings. In my family it is blatently obvious so much so that my Mother herself says mothers have a stronger bond with the first born, the rest of her children are just supposed to understand that. My eldest sister can get away absolutely anything as both parents favour her and my brother who is the only boy is also my dad's favourite. The youngest is loved by everyone as she is the baby of the family. Not still my parents favourite though ( i suspect they think she doesnt need to be as she gets a lot of love from the rest of the family) That leaves me an my sister in the middle. I cant say my parents dont love us but i can say it feels like its only out of a sense of duty, not unconditional as it is with the eldest and my brother. It is heart breaking, i cannot deny that. Relationships between us siblings have suffered due to this. I cant help feeling a sense of injustice in my everyday life because of the way my parents have favourites. those of us left at the bottom of the pile do crave parents attention...whether you are 12 or 22. Sometimes to the point you say out loud that they have favourites, and thats when your told "you are just jealous of your sister".
  • HanHan 2008/08/07 02:38:58
    Yes
    HanHan
    +1
    I think some parents love their youngest child than their eldest child because i think the eldest can take care of itself...Like me, my parents really loved my little sister and im kinda jealous.
  • Michael... HanHan 2008/08/07 06:26:22
    Michael, Arrivederci e amore
    I'm the youngest and I feel like I had to fight for attention. So I guess it's all the way you are looking at it.
  • shyanne 2008/02/04 02:59:43
    Undecided
    shyanne
    Well if you ask me i have a very loving dad so he doesnt have a favorite child but some parent mayb ecould seem that way but its usually not like that.
  • ~BOOGERS~ 2008/01/14 16:19:34
    Yes
    ~BOOGERS~
    +1
    even though people say they don't and most people wouldn't admit that they were the favorite it is true. everyone has favorites. my younger sister was my moms favorite, then my baby sister was my dads favorite, and i was my grandma's favorite. its sad but its true.
  • Bobbi Fleckman 2008/01/14 16:13:24
  • nicole 2008/01/04 21:10:40
    Undecided
    nicole
    +1
    I would hope not!!!
  • Marge 2008/01/01 16:43:42
    Undecided
    Marge
    I think that most parents love all of their children equally but get along better with one due to personality types. If you mesh well with one child but clash with the other you will obviously seem to have a favorite but I don't think the love is different! I believe you either love or you don't. I don't think there is a love scale.
  • kckitty 2007/11/24 16:31:38
  • ginny 2007/11/24 10:46:20
    Yes
    ginny
    +1
    not that they would ever admit it. it was and still is the first born in my family and no, thats not me.
  • Natti 2007/11/05 20:57:51
  • HAIRMD..Slingin' hair and t... 2007/10/06 19:41:11
    Yes
    HAIRMD..Slingin' hair and takin' names!
    +1
    I have seen this pattern. Here goes. The parent will spoil one child over the other. The child will grow up and the world will wonder why the favorite is always the child that does nothing for the parent. The underdog will be the responsible one that takes care of their parents when they are old and feeble. All the while still being second best. The favorite will call once a month when they need something. The parents will die and the favorite will get the most out of their death. Sad really.
  • kellley 2007/10/05 03:10:29 (edited)
    Yes
    kellley
    My oldest sister is my Mom's favorite, although she would never admit to this, My middle is her least favorite, she gave her lots of trouble growing up, the oldest was a much more responsible party, often watching me at night while my Mom worked overnights at Dunkin Donuts, doing homework with me, taking me away for weekends with friends, she was kind of a mom at 17, and with all this stayed in school and gotr good grades. The middle was always misbehaving, stealing my moms' car, mixing with bad company and lots of running away. I am the baby and always have that title. "marsha, marsha, marsha"
  • Elizabeth 2007/10/04 23:45:20
    Yes
    Elizabeth
    I am the youngest of three children yet i have middle child syndrome. I'm ignored by my father and my mother doesn't take me seriously. My sister (1st born) is a daddy's girl and my brother (2nd born) is mummy's boy. Seems there's not really any room for me.
  • Bunny Gurl ♥ 2007/10/04 23:09:26
    No
    Bunny Gurl ♥
    I would not say most. Maybe some. I have 2 daughters and 2 favorite daughters. Hmmm! I know I have 9 siblings and we all tell our stories of how we were always the Blacksheep of the family. I am #8 and the youngest girl. One of the only 2 girls born again Christians. I was my Dad's favorite after my little brother (at least I think so). I have never been in trouble or fingerprinted all the rest have at least once. The Peacekeeper and the Key to all the Skelton Closets in the family. My brothers and sisters always say I was the Pride N Joy of my Dad. I am so Blessed!
  • toonicetammy 2007/10/03 21:01:07
    Yes
    toonicetammy
    ....and I'm not it!
  • Pimpjuice 2007/10/02 19:53:02
    No
    Pimpjuice
    Most parents don't like children after there 5
  • ~TiFfNeY~ i love wes 2007/10/02 14:45:05
    Yes
    ~TiFfNeY~ i love wes
    +1
    My mom has 4 kids and she only wants to spend time w/ one of them i totally think that that is total BS
  • AZ Desert Rat 2007/10/02 13:20:30
    No
    AZ Desert Rat
    But...kids always KNOW that mom and dad have a favorite. My kids still argue over this and they range from 35 to 45 in age. It never ends...
  • Boopie 2007/10/02 05:11:19
    No
    Boopie
    It doesn't seem that most people answering this poll have a favorite child themselves. If any of my friends with children have a favorite, I can't tell.
  • ☺that's all she wrote... 2007/10/02 04:42:18
    Yes
    ☺that's all she wrote...
    Even though they may try not to, parents are human and can't help how they feel. But what they can do is be fair and equally loving to all.
  • alw_ays 2007/10/02 02:49:01
    Yes
    alw_ays
    People fantasize about perfect lifestyles. Children are like wish fufillment, and whether or not a child is what is dreamed, it requires the same amount of responsibility. thus, favoritism vs. resentment on a variable scale
  • illachick 2007/10/02 01:17:40
  • the vin-man 2007/10/01 22:57:25
    Yes
    the vin-man
    Theres something special about the first born son in Italian familys. I was my mothers favorite( I was the first born son) I knew it. I could feel it but my mom being the super mom that she was never showed favortism.We were all treated equaly. Not one iota of difference.I could tell when my mom looked at me I was the one.Now my dad thats another story. When he had that"prepare yourself for God's justice" look in his eye,Everyone was fair game,even my sister.
  • hrt 2007/10/01 22:54:07
    Yes
    hrt
    my brother oscar his like second middle one
  • sd *TROUBLE* 2007/10/01 22:49:38
    Undecided
    sd *TROUBLE*
    +1
    Sometimes, i guess. I would assume that the favorited child is usually the first born.
  • cdub 2007/10/01 22:28:14
    Yes
    cdub
    yes and i am the favorite
  • shannon 2007/10/01 22:22:41
    No
    shannon
    There are favorite things about each child. I do not have a favorite.
  • MININA 2007/10/01 21:29:57
    Undecided
    MININA
    well i have really paid attention because i try to treat each one the same...haven't any complains yet...
  • taurnguard 2007/10/01 20:45:49
    No
    taurnguard
    From the way kids act out now, I'm highly doubting parents have a favorite child, even if they only have one.
    Too many people are unprepared to become parents, yet they have one or more and neglect the crap out of them anyway.
    I grew up in the 1970s as a latch-key kid (tv for a babysitter) so I know the feeling. But now, kids' behavior (most of them) is over the top.
  • Roadscholar 2007/10/01 19:46:12
    No
    Roadscholar
    I know that my children are very different from each other and are good for doing different things with (manicures with my daughter / D&D with my son), I just can't imagine actually favoring one over the other, though.
  • Amani 2007/10/01 19:44:16
    No
    Amani
    No parents should love their children the same.
    but some parents accually have a fave child.
  • Glenda 2007/10/01 19:37:25
    Yes
    Glenda
    +1
    I am not it! My younger sister is. She is a Veterinarian (more educated than me, I have a master's) She is supposedly more "responsible" then all four of us. I don't really get along with her, however she is my sister and I love her.
  • Glenda Glenda 2007/10/01 19:39:24
    Glenda
    p.s. I am a middle child-yes I do have middle child syndrom.
    p.s.s. I've decided not to "pick" favorites with my children.
  • Ginny 2007/10/01 18:54:18
    Undecided
    Ginny
    +1
    I've always wondered about this question. I have only one daughter and one granddaughter so I really don't know. I've asked people with more than one child and the usual answer is "I love them both, but differently since they are different from each other."

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