Do Daughters 'Hunger' for Approval From Their Fathers?

Living 2011/06/18 22:34:27
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The author of a new book argues that despite the changing landscape of gender roles, father-daughter relationships remain "deep" and "traditional."

In my research into the lives of some 75 high-achieving, clearly independent women, I knew that I would find a powerful connection between them and the first men in their lives. Many other studies have confirmed it.

What surprised me was how deep (and surprisingly traditional) the bond is, how powerful it remains throughout their lives, and how resilient it can be—even when a father has caused it grievous harm.

No matter how successful their careers, how happy their marriages, or how fulfilling their lives, women told me that their happiness passed through a filter of their fathers' reactions. Many told me that they tried to remove the filter and—much to their surprise—failed.

We know that fathers play a key role in the development and choices of their daughters. But even for women whose fathers had been neglectful or abusive, I found a hunger for approval. They wanted a warm relationship with men who did not deserve any relationship at all.

Is a daughter's relationship with her father especially important?

Read More: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB100014240527023038...

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Top Opinion

  • Yes

    But isn't it normal to seek your parents approval? (both parents)

    I mean, personally, i seek approval of pretty much all adults, because i respect them, and want them to respect/approve of me.

    Also, i get along better with adults, because they aren't bitchy, mean, and annoying like teenagers

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  • Paradox25 2011/06/19 01:33:09
    For those of us who grew up with a father involved in our lives I would say this is true regardless of gender.
  • KateLenn 2011/06/19 01:32:26
    My daughter has a father that loves and teases her. She always has his ear for advice or to watch a movie, or game with. As a young adult, she has more self-confidence than I ever was and I believe it is because of the relationship she has with her father.
  • Rick Byrd 2011/06/19 01:31:06
    Rick Byrd
    At at point or two in there lives they look to there fathers and they look to they mothers for approval at other times And sometimes they look to both. And then others they are giving there approval or not!
  • GoodEncounter 2011/06/19 01:27:18
    A daughter's relationship with her father is very important. My relationship with my father was contentious. And I've struggled with self esteem issues as a result.
  • MOMMA THOMAS 2011/06/19 01:22:20
  • holdenferall 2011/06/19 01:18:42 (edited)
    We all do.

    If you say no I think you're kidding yourself.
  • Liza Jane 2011/06/19 01:18:09
    Liza Jane
    I think having a healthy relationship with your parents is important but I've never gone out of my way to seek approval from my father; he gets me, loves me, and supports me. I don't have to TRY to get anyone's approval.
  • kobidob... Liza Jane 2011/06/19 01:42:00
    It is whatever the parent has to offer in advice, but the child must be able to follow that advice,and know if they are doing good or not. Loving the Lord more is extremely important as loving the Lord means not doing bad things to whoever no matter what a parent might say otherwise. That is what it means to hate you mother,and father,Luke
    14:26: If any [man] come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

    Doing the good things the Lord wants us to do is more important with the Lord in us to doing them.
  • Liza Jane kobidob... 2011/06/19 02:47:53
    Liza Jane
    Thanks for the scripture but, no thanks.
  • kobidob... Liza Jane 2011/06/24 06:39:54
    All I have are good things to give. You may not understand what I sent, but sometime in the future the holy spirit will teach you what you do not at this time know.
  • BishopD... Liza Jane 2011/06/19 18:04:19
    I think that's a great response. It's like the old question: Is it better to obey or oblige?
  • sally 2011/06/19 01:10:08
    Dads are the first male figure they have to look up to. Usually when you look at girls and their boyfriends you see that they tend to choose guys that are similar to their fathers, just like guys chosing girls who act like their mother, maybe even look like them too.

    Daddy is usually the Daughter's first 'boyfriend'.
  • KC Hart 2011/06/19 01:10:05
    KC Hart
    Why is it news that kids want their parents' approval?
  • Fef 2011/06/19 01:02:58
    Daughters crave their daddy's love and approval.
  • Zozo Fef 2011/06/19 08:22:30
  • Wonder Woman 2011/06/19 00:57:02 (edited)
  • Old Nellie Bones 2011/06/19 00:54:02
    Old Nellie Bones
    My Father "Papa" has been gone for 13 1/2 years.I am a still a Daddys girl always have been always will be.He me taught so much and led by example.He was a real man who worked hard to help raise 7 children.He payed to put me through Catholic School even though he was an Agnostic.He never stood in the way of my beliefs.I learned so much from him.So you bet I wan't his aproval.
  • Damaris 2011/06/19 00:43:30
    I love my dad and it's important to me that we have a good relationship but I don't need his approval.
  • Sam LeFay 2011/06/19 00:29:42
    Sam LeFay
    If I didn't come into touch with my father... my life would be so much worse.
    I crave approval from both of my parents. They don't ever seem proud of me...
  • freebirdie 2011/06/19 00:27:00
    My husband had a friend who admitted that in high school and college he made a calculated decision to go after girls who had no father in their lives. His reason was that it was much easier for him to "score" with them. He made sure he had a close relationship to his daughter and the boys knew it!
  • Daryl 2011/06/19 00:23:14
    Yes of course.

    A father is usually how a woman formulates the foundations of her relationships with men.

    Why do you think so many dysfunctional women hate their fathers or don't know them at all?

    father woman formulates foundations relationships dysfunctional women hate fathers
  • ©TransAmTam~Metal Queen \m/ 2011/06/19 00:22:26
  • Nona 2011/06/19 00:17:07
    My world revolves around my father. Sort of had to, since my mom ran out of me. But why would any daughter NOT want approval from her father?
  • Rachael Helms - BN01 2011/06/19 00:16:30
    Rachael Helms - BN01
    Yes indeed. I love my father and prefer to stay in touch with him.
  • wtw 2011/06/19 00:14:01
    My daughter has my heart completely. She has always been the the apple of my eye!
  • Marie/M2M2K™-#1Conservative... 2011/06/19 00:12:50
  • Bonnie 2011/06/18 23:59:15 (edited)
    I can't speak for every daughter, but I don't speak to my father and I prefer it that way. That said, he was a great dad as I was growing up, but when he remarried to a trampy, gold-digging b!tch, he abandoned my sister and me. He made his choice, and I've never felt so free and at peace as I have these past several years with him out of my life.
  • Sarah TH Marshall Switcher 2011/06/18 23:53:55
    Sarah TH Marshall Switcher
    All humans crave the approval of the people they love. If they love their fathers, they crave approval. If they don't, they don't.
  • Ash-the-empress 2011/06/18 23:53:35
    Children need approval and love from BOTH parents.
    At least, that's how it's supposed to work.
  • Matthew Frankwitt 2011/06/18 23:49:26
    Matthew Frankwitt
    I think we all hunger for approval from both of our parents. Sometimes it's mothers and sometimes fathers. It all depends on which parent is harder on us because that's usually the parent we have to work hard to impress.
  • mjollnir 2011/06/18 23:46:24
    I hunger to shoot him in the face, though. ^_^
  • Huki68 2011/06/18 23:38:09
    In my case yes. Many things in my life I need his view and approval. I think it is a normal thing. At least for me
  • fairiefang -annoying fashio... 2011/06/18 23:37:28
  • Shelo 2011/06/18 23:30:40
    While it's important for me to have a good relationship with my dad, I don't feel like I need his approval.
  • Morgan Orlins 2011/06/18 23:24:21
    Morgan Orlins
    Yes they do, it's not even arguable.

    I love my little girl with all of my heart, and my approval and opinion is vital to her. Pushing her out of the "nest" is a delicate balancing act, believe me. I've also known young women through the years who had bad relationships with their dads, and that always seemed far more destructive than having bad mother relationships.
  • fairief... Morgan ... 2011/06/18 23:40:58
    fairiefang -annoying fashion snobs everywhere-
    Actually, I could easily argue that...

    Just b/c your daughter THINKS she needs your approval doesn't mean all girls think that way.

    I have a bad relationship with my dad and I am in no way "destructive".
    I have a good relationship with my mom and do not need to have one with my dad. And no, that does not need I need her approval for anything. The only approval I need is my own. That's how it should be with any woman (and man).
  • Morgan ... fairief... 2011/06/19 00:12:40
    Morgan Orlins
    I'm happy for you, and I still stand by what I said, 100%.
  • Hellogoodbye_ 2011/06/18 23:24:14
    if a girl doesn't have a good relationship with her father she ends up a whore. i've seen it happen to two of my friends.
  • Scarr~G... Hellogo... 2011/06/18 23:25:50
    Scarr~Green with Envy
    D: I don't have a good relationship with my dad...
  • Shelo Hellogo... 2011/06/18 23:31:27
    It may have happened to two of your friends, but that doesn't mean it happens to everyone.

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