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Do Daughters 'Hunger' for Approval From Their Fathers?

Living 2011/06/18 22:34:27
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The author of a new book argues that despite the changing landscape of gender roles, father-daughter relationships remain "deep" and "traditional."

In my research into the lives of some 75 high-achieving, clearly independent women, I knew that I would find a powerful connection between them and the first men in their lives. Many other studies have confirmed it.

What surprised me was how deep (and surprisingly traditional) the bond is, how powerful it remains throughout their lives, and how resilient it can be—even when a father has caused it grievous harm.

No matter how successful their careers, how happy their marriages, or how fulfilling their lives, women told me that their happiness passed through a filter of their fathers' reactions. Many told me that they tried to remove the filter and—much to their surprise—failed.

We know that fathers play a key role in the development and choices of their daughters. But even for women whose fathers had been neglectful or abusive, I found a hunger for approval. They wanted a warm relationship with men who did not deserve any relationship at all.


Is a daughter's relationship with her father especially important?

Read More: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB100014240527023038...

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Top Opinion

  • Yes
    ღ.Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ.ღJordan-Louiseღ.Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ.ღ
    +10
    Yes.

    But isn't it normal to seek your parents approval? (both parents)

    I mean, personally, i seek approval of pretty much all adults, because i respect them, and want them to respect/approve of me.

    Also, i get along better with adults, because they aren't bitchy, mean, and annoying like teenagers

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  • ««Gingey, the Master Debate... 2011/06/19 03:21:28
    No
    ««Gingey, the Master Debater of Þ|-|Дэ†»»
    +5
    This is just creepy. No, I don't "hunger" for my father's approval. I have good enough judgement to make my own decisions and not require anyone's approval but my own.

    But I will say that my father is an amazing man and a class act.
  • romanknite ««Ginge... 2011/06/19 09:25:39
    romanknite
    +2
    I think we're talking about approval at the early stages in a daughters life. Like from the time you are born up to the time you fly the nest, after that if a father did his job raising his daughter and giving her all the right knowledge and making her feel loved, I believe when she gets out there and start dealing with the opposite sex, she'll know how to pick a good man out from the dogs.
  • jeniijo!BN! 2011/06/19 03:12:30
    Yes
    jeniijo!BN!
    +2
    Even though some fathers may be undeserving of this .. it is true.. there is that need in gals to get approval from our biological fathers.
  • Lovelybadone 2011/06/19 03:10:48
    No
    Lovelybadone
    +3
    It's more my mother's actually, my father doens't really care.
  • romanknite Lovelyb... 2011/06/19 09:26:52
    romanknite
    Wow...
  • beachbum 2011/06/19 03:08:43
    Yes
    beachbum
    +3
    Yes - I won't go further, but yes.
  • BishopDeNeumoustier 2011/06/19 03:08:21 (edited)
    No
    BishopDeNeumoustier
    +2
    Knowing both my mother and my love... Jesus Christ no. They both are far from fond of their dads.
  • Funky Monk 2011/06/19 02:50:41
    Yes
    Funky Monk
    +2
    With my father, disappointment leads to anger and belittlement. Therefor, I try to live up to his qualifications, to avoid being put down and yelled at. That's the way I see it. :/
    disappointment leads anger belittlement therefor live qualifications avoid yelled dad yelling
  • Bluebird 2011/06/19 02:49:02
    Yes
    Bluebird
    +1
    All I ever wanted in life was for my dad to tell me he was proud of me and enjoyed spending time with me........maybe someday....
  • Account Closed 2011/06/19 02:44:04
    Yes
    Account Closed
    +1
    Yes, especially if that father loyal to his wife and remains true to the family.

    My daughter is my angel and no one can take that away.

    father loyal wife remains true family daughter angel daddy s angel
  • I<3Edward 2011/06/19 02:21:56 (edited)
    Yes
    I<3Edward
    +2
    i believe a father becomes a daughter's first crush and is the foundation on how a girl approaches her ralationship with a man.
  • jimrthy... I<3Edward 2011/06/21 16:43:52
    jimrthy BN-0
    +1
    I believe you're correct.
  • Linnster 2011/06/19 01:49:13
    Yes
    Linnster
    +4
    Absolutely. Girls learn how to relate to the men they will encounter later in their lives by the relationship they have with their dads.
  • Tau_Seti 2011/06/19 01:40:44
  • Wizard 2011/06/19 01:37:57
    Yes
    Wizard
    +3
    YES! Unbeknown to women who selfishly protect their daughters from forming emotional bonds with men close to them, for various fears or subconscious paranoia about the headlines they read today...they later find out that little lady is emotionally dysfunctional. This occurs more frequently in Westernized Society, than in more laid back advancing nations.

    I took child psychology as a minor (I had to select a psychology class to get through college), and I learned that girls form a love map by age 8 years. This map is based on whatever emotional exchanges they have experienced on a positive basis up to that point - which gets programmed into them, as to the kind of guy they can fall in love with. It can extend to age 12 in foster girls, who tend to become emotionally immature upon placement...but only to a point. The development of boys is a whole other territory.

    It is critical that these girls have a father figure to latch onto, learn to flirt, and be told they are pretty, let them develop warm feelings towards a trusted male figure, before they reach age 4 or 6 years. Of course, if no men are in their lives at all, by age 5 years...a lot of emotional damage may have already been done, but any attachments is better than none at all.

    What disturbs me is - in this age of easy...



    YES! Unbeknown to women who selfishly protect their daughters from forming emotional bonds with men close to them, for various fears or subconscious paranoia about the headlines they read today...they later find out that little lady is emotionally dysfunctional. This occurs more frequently in Westernized Society, than in more laid back advancing nations.

    I took child psychology as a minor (I had to select a psychology class to get through college), and I learned that girls form a love map by age 8 years. This map is based on whatever emotional exchanges they have experienced on a positive basis up to that point - which gets programmed into them, as to the kind of guy they can fall in love with. It can extend to age 12 in foster girls, who tend to become emotionally immature upon placement...but only to a point. The development of boys is a whole other territory.

    It is critical that these girls have a father figure to latch onto, learn to flirt, and be told they are pretty, let them develop warm feelings towards a trusted male figure, before they reach age 4 or 6 years. Of course, if no men are in their lives at all, by age 5 years...a lot of emotional damage may have already been done, but any attachments is better than none at all.

    What disturbs me is - in this age of easy no fault divorce - we are completely discounting our future generations, and their emotional stability. Those kids of divorce have much lower emotional tolerance levels (most of us are experiencing these symptoms today - both men and women), and are more easily angered...which perpetuates getting divorces in their future relationships.

    Patience and emotional stability are the key to a long lasting and deeply satisfying family life for everyone concerned. Kids are not disposable...and women cannot convince themselves that their daughters are better off separated from men. If a girl cannot form a strong bond with a father figure, she is seldom as successful in life.

    separated girl form strong bond father figure successful life father and daughter
    (more)
  • Paradox25 2011/06/19 01:33:09
    Yes
    Paradox25
    +3
    For those of us who grew up with a father involved in our lives I would say this is true regardless of gender.
  • KateLenn 2011/06/19 01:32:26
    Yes
    KateLenn
    +5
    Absolutely!
    My daughter has a father that loves and teases her. She always has his ear for advice or to watch a movie, or game with. As a young adult, she has more self-confidence than I ever was and I believe it is because of the relationship she has with her father.
  • Rick Byrd 2011/06/19 01:31:06
    Yes
    Rick Byrd
    +2
    At at point or two in there lives they look to there fathers and they look to they mothers for approval at other times And sometimes they look to both. And then others they are giving there approval or not!
  • GoodEncounter 2011/06/19 01:27:18
    Yes
    GoodEncounter
    +2
    A daughter's relationship with her father is very important. My relationship with my father was contentious. And I've struggled with self esteem issues as a result.
  • MOMMA THOMAS 2011/06/19 01:22:20
    Yes
    MOMMA THOMAS
    YES..
  • holdenferall 2011/06/19 01:18:42 (edited)
    Yes
    holdenferall
    +1
    We all do.

    If you say no I think you're kidding yourself.
  • Liza Jane 2011/06/19 01:18:09
    No
    Liza Jane
    +4
    I think having a healthy relationship with your parents is important but I've never gone out of my way to seek approval from my father; he gets me, loves me, and supports me. I don't have to TRY to get anyone's approval.
  • kobidob... Liza Jane 2011/06/19 01:42:00
    kobidobidog
    It is whatever the parent has to offer in advice, but the child must be able to follow that advice,and know if they are doing good or not. Loving the Lord more is extremely important as loving the Lord means not doing bad things to whoever no matter what a parent might say otherwise. That is what it means to hate you mother,and father,Luke
    14:26: If any [man] come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

    Doing the good things the Lord wants us to do is more important with the Lord in us to doing them.
  • Liza Jane kobidob... 2011/06/19 02:47:53
    Liza Jane
    Thanks for the scripture but, no thanks.
  • kobidob... Liza Jane 2011/06/24 06:39:54
    kobidobidog
    All I have are good things to give. You may not understand what I sent, but sometime in the future the holy spirit will teach you what you do not at this time know.
  • BishopD... Liza Jane 2011/06/19 18:04:19
    BishopDeNeumoustier
    I think that's a great response. It's like the old question: Is it better to obey or oblige?
  • sally 2011/06/19 01:10:08
    Yes
    sally
    +2
    Dads are the first male figure they have to look up to. Usually when you look at girls and their boyfriends you see that they tend to choose guys that are similar to their fathers, just like guys chosing girls who act like their mother, maybe even look like them too.

    Daddy is usually the Daughter's first 'boyfriend'.
  • KC Hart 2011/06/19 01:10:05
    Yes
    KC Hart
    +8
    Why is it news that kids want their parents' approval?
  • Fef 2011/06/19 01:02:58
    No
    Fef
    +2
    Daughters crave their daddy's love and approval.
  • Zozo Fef 2011/06/19 08:22:30
  • Wonder Woman 2011/06/19 00:57:02 (edited)
  • Old Nellie Bones 2011/06/19 00:54:02
    Yes
    Old Nellie Bones
    +2
    My Father "Papa" has been gone for 13 1/2 years.I am a still a Daddys girl always have been always will be.He me taught so much and led by example.He was a real man who worked hard to help raise 7 children.He payed to put me through Catholic School even though he was an Agnostic.He never stood in the way of my beliefs.I learned so much from him.So you bet I wan't his aproval.
  • Damaris 2011/06/19 00:43:30
    No
    Damaris
    I love my dad and it's important to me that we have a good relationship but I don't need his approval.
  • Sam LeFay 2011/06/19 00:29:42 (edited)
    Yes
    Sam LeFay
    +1
    If I didn't get in touch with my father... my life would be so much worse.
    I crave approval from both of my parents. They don't ever seem proud of me...
  • freebirdie 2011/06/19 00:27:00
    Yes
    freebirdie
    +2
    My husband had a friend who admitted that in high school and college he made a calculated decision to go after girls who had no father in their lives. His reason was that it was much easier for him to "score" with them. He made sure he had a close relationship to his daughter and the boys knew it!
  • Daryl 2011/06/19 00:23:14
    Yes
    Daryl
    +6
    Yes of course.

    A father is usually how a woman formulates the foundations of her relationships with men.

    Why do you think so many dysfunctional women hate their fathers or don't know them at all?

    father woman formulates foundations relationships dysfunctional women hate fathers
  • ©TransAmTam~Metal Queen \m/ 2011/06/19 00:22:26
  • Nona 2011/06/19 00:17:07
    Yes
    Nona
    +3
    My world revolves around my father. Sort of had to, since my mom ran out of me. But why would any daughter NOT want approval from her father?
  • Rachael Helms - BN01 2011/06/19 00:16:30
    Yes
    Rachael Helms - BN01
    +2
    Yes indeed. I love my father and prefer to stay in touch with him.
  • wtw 2011/06/19 00:14:01
    Yes
    wtw
    +1
    My daughter has my heart completely. She has always been the the apple of my eye!

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2014/10/26 05:31:21

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