Day 18 of being homeless, blah- lol

Anthony Souls 2012/08/17 16:39:10
The thing about emergency shelters is this: They are suppose to be a temporary stay for a week or so until you can go somewhere else, but rarely does anyone actually have anywhere else to go after a week, so you find yourself in sweat-shop like conditions for thrift shops they own doing slave labor at 20 hours a week. You spend your days sorting clothes which never ends just to have people back at the shelter go: No one was getting their hours in yesterday so get out there today... Yet, we were their yesterday getting our hours in- therefore, it seems like we are nobody, and if that be the case, why not simply not go their and claim we did like they claim we aren't there when we went there... And when you are laboring away hurting your injuries even more, they complain about the pettiest minutiae: You didn't put the clothes where they needed to go when I straighten the whole store a day before, yet, apparently I straightened it and unstraightened it in the same adjacent days... They tell you thanks for the first two days and treat you as if you are invisible unless they feel a need to chastise you for whatever reason. I know that I seem ungrateful to some, like I am whining to others, and like I deserve my plight to even others, but these are my thoughts/life whether good or evil.

The irony never ends, as it were: the pastor that goes their to preach even acknowledges that my fiancee and I are married in the sight of the Lord God, yet, the same christian shelter doesn't allow us to sleep in the same room... Just so many inconsistencies. They claim they have rules but selectively apply the rules to whatever they desire. They say it's God's Chapel but degrades people and makes perverted jokes. They pray but in such a patronizing/condescending fashion in my mind to make you shut out your eyes. They say prayers that seem catered to nonbelievers like we are just spiritually poor trash as well. They claim to be for Jesus yet forces the Word of God on those that don't want to hear it, lest you end up on the streets as they are the only homeless shelter in the city. All of the churches in the area donates to them so they can feel like they are Christians, yet they don't help the homeless out themselves. Some days, I find myself wishing evil thoughts like God smiting them with brimstone, lol. I know, right? lol.

Last night, I actually felt good and was out at the park with my fiancee at night; we were walking back and went into the chapel/kitchen to get water to take our meds; I carry a plush animal with my fiancee for sentimental purposes, comfort, and because I am somewhat of a puppeteer at heart: well, one of the staff there starts mocking me, goes on to mentioning playboy and reading them for the articles, and starts to carry a Garfield plush in his arms and acting like i'm less of a man for having a plush animal. So, yea, that was so much fun? lol. I just wanted to be ridiculed in jester-like fashion whenever I am feeling somewhat human.

Yesterday, our friend who stays there who is a 72 year old man was asking us what this place was that they made an appointment for him was. We told him that it was for mentally-ill people who needed help with shelter...YEA... You can see where this is going... So he has an appointment today that they set up for him. I'd admit, he might have the early stages of Alzheimers; I asked him before if it ran in his family, and he said no; however, they said they made him an appointment because the director of the shelter claimed he had a "bad attitude": go figure, right? They are the ones that tells him to shut up and treats him like trash. And they are trying to make him appear crazy, they are stating that he was never in the military like he claims through the cold-war service. Sigh. Hopefully, he doesn't end up somewhere he hates: he loves going to the park with us on Sundays, and he wants to live near a park, not in a old-folks home.

They went on today about how they have a board meeting, so the shelter people have to have cereal for breakfast. They go on about how her day is feeling so much better day. And they continue to go on about how you can't borrow/give anything to anyone else in the shelter but don't let staff see you trading cigs... It's like everything out of their mouths is double-talk and nonsense. They continue to say to sign the lunch sheet because we get more donations for food, yet there never seems to be any other meal but the same stuff every day. If anything, the shelter is full to the brim but there is even less good meals, not more. Where are all of the donations going? The women's dorm toilet seat broke, but they can't fix it in a timely manner: They will just have to use it until it gets fixed? My fiancee was like how are you suppose to do that? We aren't animals... You supposedly work at this thrift shop, you can only have 3 pairs of clothing, and they seem to make money which never seems to make it to the shelter... Seems fishy to me.

We are suppose to get in our hours at the store, but we are tired and hurting from injuries and are probably not even going to go today. We probably should, but we are starting to not care. We have to use what little bus passes we were given to make it to the place where no one cares for you; we have to do all of these chores are the shelter on top of everything; and on top of that, they are always threatening everyone with how if you don't get your name marked down for the chores and how you don't get the hours, you will be kicked onto the streets. I don't mind doing chores and get some hours, but I'm not going to overdue myself in the process. Can't keep spending 20 hours there, 15 hours a week getting to the place and going back, another 10 hours with chores there, there is no time to get anything done. it's like they purposely hold you back just to keep you down.

Well, obviously, I'm starting to become overwrought and worn out from the whole homeless process. I'm starting to not care about things that I probably should. And I'm starting to become moody towards things that I use to tolerate. I still have faith in God, I still know God will deliver me, yet that doesn't mean you won't go through tribulations and sufferings in the meantime. People seem to think that if you follow God you will have a care-free life full of rewards and nothing can go wrong. In order to follow Jesus, you have to suffer the price of following Jesus and living as He did. You have to consider the price of being persecuted, mocked, ridiculed, and forsaken by the world. People just don't seem to get that life is one big test of character and faith.

We are still waiting for a phone call, hopefully by the end of the day my fiancee will have a job. People seem to think that getting a job is easy, you can obtain one in a couple of days, and that homeless people are lazy bums, but this isn't the case with us. It takes weeks upon weeks to even hear back from jobs over here or to know what is going on. My fiancee saw and ad in the job board for the job she just interviewed and applied to, yet it's just posted yesterday as new... Kinda making us worry a bit about what is going on. Yet, we know God will provide for us. You find yourself applying to the same places over and over again in a small city as this one. If you can't do laborious jobs like me, you find your options limited. What can you really do though but do jobs you shouldn't do? What can you do but lie on the application just to get a job? Just tiresome. The world operates by a system, and if you aren't following that system, you get crushed by the wayside.

Well, that's all for now I suppose, take care,

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  • Doll's 2012/08/24 19:41:50
    God bless you . i hope all your troubles finish and you lead on a happy life :)
  • Anthony... Doll's 2012/08/24 19:42:21
    Anthony Souls
    Thanks, hope you continue to have a good life. Take care,
  • Doll's Anthony... 2012/08/24 19:43:03
    yeah you take care as well :)
  • SA 2012/08/17 23:40:37
    I'm sorry to hear you and your fiancee have had such bad experiences at the shelter you stayed ay. I hope things work out for the two of you.

    Living in a shelter is not easy, especially if you go through the bad and see no appreciation for what you have done.

    I was a Client Caseworker at my last job in a shelter. I always appreciated the help I received. In almost nine years that I worked there I only had problems with two of the residents there. My assistance were amazing and I made sure they felt appreciated. I ran the clothing room and food assistance for those we served. I understand what you are talking about as far as clothing goes. I know their positions with me was not an easy task.

    I brought homemade burritos for snacks to those that helped in my department almost every day. The residents helped me and kept watch over me because as a woman working in an all male shelter things could get chaotic at times.

    By the time I left my position I was called Mom....lol I stayed as long as I did because of the guys in the shelter. On my last day I'm not sure who cried more, me or the guys. I received a dozen roses that many had pitched in to get for me along with a big cup of M&M;'s, which I loved.

    Just to let you and your fiancee know, there are those who do appreciate the hard work you do for us. You are what make us successful. I thank you for those who have not thanked you for your assistance. Blessings....
  • Flamingolady 2012/08/17 20:28:02
    God bless you, I hope things start looking up.
  • Anthony... Flaming... 2012/08/17 21:49:07
    Anthony Souls
    Thanks, I hope God does Bless us, and I think that He does. Sometimes, seeing how my life is falling apart, I feel like maybe I've done something wrong and don't realize it, but I don't think that's so...

    Take care,
  • Karen E 2012/08/17 18:52:04
    Karen E
    yet the shelter is better than a tent under an underpass.......or perhaps an abandoned building, an old abandoned car, a farmers old barn, a bush in a park, a park bench, .......i have been there when younger, and i was proud to pitch in to earn my keep to get help. my health at that time was very bad and i had 3 small children, despite the pitfalls you talk about, you are not on the street either.....
  • Anthony... Karen E 2012/08/17 21:48:26
    Anthony Souls
    Yet, Is being a slave better than being free without anything? At what line does it become slavery and abuse more than help? Take care,
  • Karen E Anthony... 2012/08/17 23:32:44
    Karen E
    at times one must make do to better themselves, i never felt like a slave doing my part in the shelter i stayed in once. i was raised to do my part without complaint for help if i was truly grateful for the help. i was too proud to go to family, as some were and still are judgmental but for my 3 small daughters then, i made do-they were fed, and out of the weather, . as i had no money to help myself, i repaid the help with my labor. i now donate time now to those seeking to better themselves now.
  • Flaming... Anthony... 2012/08/21 23:12:59
    Hope things are better today?
  • Anthony... Flaming... 2012/08/22 16:43:42
    Anthony Souls
    Yes, Thank you. We were accepted into the transitional housing far sooner than planned. Instead of months and months, we will be in their by tomorrow through the Grace of God :) 10:30am is when we will be living there and not the shelter. We stumbled across one of the people that had us evicted while walking: they were driving by... Sigh, hopefully it will not happen so often. Going to try and apply for a job and see what can be done :)

    Take care,
  • Flaming... Anthony... 2012/09/07 13:41:50
    How are you doing Anthony? Haven't seen any posts. Hope you are well.
  • Anthony... Flaming... 2012/09/07 17:42:45
    Anthony Souls
    I've been posting about jobs lately, had interviews. Thanks, I'm doing well, just went my own place without any drama like the transitional housing- lool, far too many babyish rules.
  • Flaming... Anthony... 2012/09/08 03:23:38
    Well, there you are! Was looking and not seeing anything from you. At least you are looking and have some peace in your home! Good for you, and t hanks for answering. God speed.
  • Missile 2012/08/17 18:10:59
    I think I may be seeing a thread of usefulness coming from what you are suffering, maybe sometime in the future when you have been delivered from this, God will use you and your experiences of homelessness to change things for people in similar circumstances, you can only know the true rot when you have been through it. praying for you both as always.
  • Anthony... Missile 2012/08/17 21:47:47
    Anthony Souls
    Hopefully something good comes from my journal, but some will always see it as a justification for how lazy homeless people are...

    Take care, Thanks for your prayers.
  • Sister Jean 2012/08/17 17:28:59
    Sister Jean
    hope things change
  • Anthony... Sister ... 2012/08/17 21:47:02
    Anthony Souls
    Thanks, hopefully God won't wait too long :P When you read some of the stories in the Bible where they had to wait many years, it gets you not looking too forward to waiting soo long, lol. However, I don't think that will be the case.

    Take care,
  • Sister ... Anthony... 2012/08/18 01:26:53
    Sister Jean
    wish I could help I pray for you both each night
  • the judgebigdogeagle-~PWCM~JLA 2012/08/17 17:10:25
    the judgebigdogeagle-~PWCM~JLA
    I hope everything works out for you two. I have met a few former homeless people & they tell the same story you do.The shelters use you like unpaid workers.when you should be able to move about & get un-homeless.
  • Anthony... the jud... 2012/08/17 21:44:22
    Anthony Souls
    Thanks. People claim that it's the least you can do for their help, but I think that it's more of using homeless as slave labor than being righteous. Then you have to ask yourself: What is better? Being a slave or being free on the streets? Sounds like a thought the Jewish people had to ask before deliverance...

    Thanks for your love and care, take care,
  • the jud... Anthony... 2012/08/17 21:48:56
    the judgebigdogeagle-~PWCM~JLA
    That is what my friends who were homeless said too. Slave Labor instead of helping.

    I would sleep in my car before the shelters, according to them..But not everybody has cars.
  • Anthony... the jud... 2012/08/17 21:53:02
    Anthony Souls
    Indeed, some people go their for meals and a bath, but they sleep on the streets... They feel it's better to be free than to abide by their "rules". They are getting far more benefits than the homeless, so I call it slave labor. At what point does it cease to be help? They are getting free labor for a thrift shop that I believe doesn't go to fund the shelter in it's entirety. They have numerous people who are unpaid and putting in part time hours for free. They give the bare minimum and have more rules than help. Seems like it's a backwards system to me that people shouldn't be subjected to. Yet, others wil claim that I'm not grateful and I'm lazy, go figure.

    Their labor to help homeless can't withstand the fire of God. Their works would crumble under His tests; therefore, what profit is in their work but to themselves?

    Take care,

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2016/02/14 23:08:23

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