Day 18 of being homeless, blah- lol

The thing about emergency shelters is this: They are suppose to be a temporary stay for a week or so until you can go somewhere else, but rarely does anyone actually have anywhere else to go after a week, so you find yourself in sweat-shop like conditions for thrift shops they own doing slave labor at 20 hours a week. You spend your days sorting clothes which never ends just to have people back at the shelter go: No one was getting their hours in yesterday so get out there today... Yet, we were their yesterday getting our hours in- therefore, it seems like we are nobody, and if that be the case, why not simply not go their and claim we did like they claim we aren't there when we went there... And when you are laboring away hurting your injuries even more, they complain about the pettiest minutiae: You didn't put the clothes where they needed to go when I straighten the whole store a day before, yet, apparently I straightened it and unstraightened it in the same adjacent days... They tell you thanks for the first two days and treat you as if you are invisible unless they feel a need to chastise you for whatever reason. I know that I seem ungrateful to some, like I am whining to others, and like I deserve my plight to even others, but these are my thoughts/life whether good or evil.

The irony never ends, as it were: the pastor that goes their to preach even acknowledges that my fiancee and I are married in the sight of the Lord God, yet, the same christian shelter doesn't allow us to sleep in the same room... Just so many inconsistencies. They claim they have rules but selectively apply the rules to whatever they desire. They say it's God's Chapel but degrades people and makes perverted jokes. They pray but in such a patronizing/condescending fashion in my mind to make you shut out your eyes. They say prayers that seem catered to nonbelievers like we are just spiritually poor trash as well. They claim to be for Jesus yet forces the Word of God on those that don't want to hear it, lest you end up on the streets as they are the only homeless shelter in the city. All of the churches in the area donates to them so they can feel like they are Christians, yet they don't help the homeless out themselves. Some days, I find myself wishing evil thoughts like God smiting them with brimstone, lol. I know, right? lol.

Last night, I actually felt good and was out at the park with my fiancee at night; we were walking back and went into the chapel/kitchen to get water to take our meds; I carry a plush animal with my fiancee for sentimental purposes, comfort, and because I am somewhat of a puppeteer at heart: well, one of the staff there starts mocking me, goes on to mentioning playboy and reading them for the articles, and starts to carry a Garfield plush in his arms and acting like i'm less of a man for having a plush animal. So, yea, that was so much fun? lol. I just wanted to be ridiculed in jester-like fashion whenever I am feeling somewhat human.

Yesterday, our friend who stays there who is a 72 year old man was asking us what this place was that they made an appointment for him was. We told him that it was for mentally-ill people who needed help with shelter...YEA... You can see where this is going... So he has an appointment today that they set up for him. I'd admit, he might have the early stages of Alzheimers; I asked him before if it ran in his family, and he said no; however, they said they made him an appointment because the director of the shelter claimed he had a "bad attitude": go figure, right? They are the ones that tells him to shut up and treats him like trash. And they are trying to make him appear crazy, they are stating that he was never in the military like he claims through the cold-war service. Sigh. Hopefully, he doesn't end up somewhere he hates: he loves going to the park with us on Sundays, and he wants to live near a park, not in a old-folks home.

They went on today about how they have a board meeting, so the shelter people have to have cereal for breakfast. They go on about how her day is feeling so much better day. And they continue to go on about how you can't borrow/give anything to anyone else in the shelter but don't let staff see you trading cigs... It's like everything out of their mouths is double-talk and nonsense. They continue to say to sign the lunch sheet because we get more donations for food, yet there never seems to be any other meal but the same stuff every day. If anything, the shelter is full to the brim but there is even less good meals, not more. Where are all of the donations going? The women's dorm toilet seat broke, but they can't fix it in a timely manner: They will just have to use it until it gets fixed? My fiancee was like how are you suppose to do that? We aren't animals... You supposedly work at this thrift shop, you can only have 3 pairs of clothing, and they seem to make money which never seems to make it to the shelter... Seems fishy to me.

We are suppose to get in our hours at the store, but we are tired and hurting from injuries and are probably not even going to go today. We probably should, but we are starting to not care. We have to use what little bus passes we were given to make it to the place where no one cares for you; we have to do all of these chores are the shelter on top of everything; and on top of that, they are always threatening everyone with how if you don't get your name marked down for the chores and how you don't get the hours, you will be kicked onto the streets. I don't mind doing chores and get some hours, but I'm not going to overdue myself in the process. Can't keep spending 20 hours there, 15 hours a week getting to the place and going back, another 10 hours with chores there, there is no time to get anything done. it's like they purposely hold you back just to keep you down.

Well, obviously, I'm starting to become overwrought and worn out from the whole homeless process. I'm starting to not care about things that I probably should. And I'm starting to become moody towards things that I use to tolerate. I still have faith in God, I still know God will deliver me, yet that doesn't mean you won't go through tribulations and sufferings in the meantime. People seem to think that if you follow God you will have a care-free life full of rewards and nothing can go wrong. In order to follow Jesus, you have to suffer the price of following Jesus and living as He did. You have to consider the price of being persecuted, mocked, ridiculed, and forsaken by the world. People just don't seem to get that life is one big test of character and faith.

We are still waiting for a phone call, hopefully by the end of the day my fiancee will have a job. People seem to think that getting a job is easy, you can obtain one in a couple of days, and that homeless people are lazy bums, but this isn't the case with us. It takes weeks upon weeks to even hear back from jobs over here or to know what is going on. My fiancee saw and ad in the job board for the job she just interviewed and applied to, yet it's just posted yesterday as new... Kinda making us worry a bit about what is going on. Yet, we know God will provide for us. You find yourself applying to the same places over and over again in a small city as this one. If you can't do laborious jobs like me, you find your options limited. What can you really do though but do jobs you shouldn't do? What can you do but lie on the application just to get a job? Just tiresome. The world operates by a system, and if you aren't following that system, you get crushed by the wayside.

Well, that's all for now I suppose, take care,