Bride 'Raped by Husband on Wedding Night': Who's in the Wrong?

by Yaati Posted 2012/05/03 05:06:11

Related Topics: Marriage, Rape, Husband, Internet, 20s, Bride, Drunk, Court, Night, Times, Interesting, Cruel, Marry

195 votes
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	The Woman.	33 votes	17%
	The Man.	111 votes	57%
	Both are in the wrong.	30 votes	15%
	Neither are in the wrong.	6 votes	3%
	All your other options suck. I just wanna say...	15 votes	8%

So
this has been brought to my attention browsing the internet.

"A husband raped his new wife on their
wedding night after she told him she didn't want to have sex, a court heard.

The
woman, who is in her 20s, told Exeter Crown Court she was so drunk after she
returned home from the wedding reception that she told her husband she did not
want to have sex.

However,
her husband ignored her pleas and forced her into it against her will.

He
is also charged with raping her another four times during their two-year
marriage."

Needless
to say, it has sparked some interesting debate. Those who are siding with the
woman are generally saying that a woman has a right to deny sex even to her
husband. If he encroaches on that right, then it
is rape. Others are suggesting that to deny the man sex on his wedding night is
cruel; why’d she marry the guy anyway? Another thing that I noticed that struck me as
interesting is that those who sided with the woman tended to be women and,
likewise, men were siding with the man.

What’s
your take? Who is in the wrong?

+12

Add a comment above

sglmom 2012/05/03 05:19:00

The Man.

+12
Although Married ..
The Partners should HONOR Each other ..
in this unit called family ..
BOTH should decide they want to share intimacy ..
When ONE chooses to not share this ..
HONOR that .. don't force ..

His actions .. by 'taking' .. After she said clearly NO
Is .. by its nature .. RAPE ..
>> See Replies

Moose to Yaati 2012/05/03 18:28:56

+2
agreed

reply
The Pot... to Moose 2012/05/03 22:07:54

+1
Fear? Pretending she wasn't raped?

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The Truth 2012/05/03 05:44:30

All your other options suck. I just wanna say...

+5
A bride that has to be 'raped' on the wedding night, should be left with her parents for life!

reply
Zippcodey to The Truth 2012/05/03 06:39:56

+1
Bet before that though she put out all the time, lol

reply
volley15 2012/05/03 05:42:17

The Man.

+4
No, means no period.

reply
Walt 2012/05/03 05:40:49

All your other options suck. I just wanna say...

+4
The solution to the man's dilemma was not to force her to have sex on their wedding night or any other time afterward. He should have exerted some self control and then immediately sought an annulment of his marriage. If he had done so, it would have saved him a lot of grief.

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Pat 2012/05/03 05:34:04

Both are in the wrong.

+3
With just these few details, I have to say that both are in the wrong. Had they been involved in a sexual relationship with each other prior to marriage? If they had, I would think that it was reasonable for the husband to expect sex on his wedding night. She was wrong for getting so drunk at her wedding that she passed out. She should have controlled herself. He should not have forced himself on her while she was passed out. But it sounds like this went on well beyond the wedding night and the honeymoon. Did he "rape" her four times in two years because she was refusing sex every night? Still no excuse to "rape" her but if she was constantly refusing, what was her problem?

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Yaati to Pat 2012/05/03 19:22:39

+1
"Did he "rape" her four times in two years because she was refusing sex every night? Still no excuse to "rape" her but if she was constantly refusing, what was her problem?"

As I've said with a lot of people, haha, they really sound like an odd pair! You can only wonder what goes on behind their doors with what little information that we have, why they're still together after all this time, if they're still going to be together, more rape cases and all, after people have long forgotten about them.

reply
Pat to Yaati 2012/05/03 19:29:51

+1
I agree. We don't have all the facts here. But one thing is for sure, either one or both of them have a problem with sex. Too bad. With the right person, it's something you want to do, not something to avoid.

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Yaati to Pat 2012/05/03 22:00:53

+1
"With the right person, it's something you want to do, not something to avoid."

Very well put! I wish I could rave your whole post twice, nay, thrice!

I almost feel bad for even posting this question because we *don't* have all the facts but...I don't know! I just (most) everyone's input so interesting. :P

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Zuggi 2012/05/03 05:31:04

The Man.

+5
Not putting out on your wedding night is slightly douchey, but rape is a far worse crime.

reply
Yaati to Zuggi 2012/05/03 18:09:43

Agreed! I'm annoyed for the guy but he should've respected her wishes.

reply
firebird 2012/05/03 05:28:48

Both are in the wrong.

+2
Both are wrong..... Bride should have recognized that SEX is part of the marriage. Bride should have KNOW that sex would be expected. Bride was FRIGID and not ready to be married..
Groom should have seen Bride was cold and frigid and not married her.. Groom should not have forced sex upon the frigid bitch...... Groom should have left bride on honeymoon and asked for annulment....

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britinl... to firebird 2012/05/03 05:32:40

+2
First of all, rape within a marriage is still rape! However, I must agree with firebird on this; seems like a case of all around stupidity on BOTH partners !

reply
Yaati to britinl... 2012/05/03 19:19:38

Hehe. Agreed!

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Yaati to firebird 2012/05/03 18:08:14

Agreed!

reply
Stef and the City 2012/05/03 05:26:57 (edited)

Both are in the wrong.

+3
"He is also charged with raping her another four times during their two-year marriage."

Why did she stay with him after he supposedly raped her the first time? She's as much to blame for being stupid as he is for being horny and wanting to have sex with... Oh wait, she was his WIFE. If she didn't want to have sex with him already on the wedding night then why were they even together? Also, she was 'too drunk' to have sex on their wedding night? Yeah, she sounds like a real peach.

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Yaati to Stef an... 2012/05/03 18:06:23

+1
I really wonder the same thing! What he did is wrong, but you have to wonder about the woman, too. They sound like an odd pair. Thanks for your input!

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U-Dog 2012/05/03 05:22:10

The Man.

+5
Is she said no then he should have respected it ... Then he should have annulled the unconsummated marriage the next day and placed an ad in the paper saying... NEXT!!!

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Yaati to U-Dog 2012/05/03 18:01:52

+1
Agreed.

reply
Oaces_b... to U-Dog 2012/05/05 09:35:52
NYCbrit 2012/05/03 05:20:18

The Man.

+7
There's NEVER an acceptable reason to force sex upon anyone.

reply
The Truth to NYCbrit 2012/05/03 05:59:43

Wedding night. Saved up for it, dreamed of it, planned on it for however long.. It's justifiable humping! What did she think 'I do' was going to lead to?..

reply
Yaati to The Truth 2012/05/03 18:00:57

+2
See that's exactly what a lot of people defending the men were saying. That it was unfair to say 'I do' if you weren't even ready *to* 'do'. Rape is wrong and what he did by definition is rape, but I can't help but to feel just a little sorry (or at least, annoyed) for the guy.
Also, the fact that she was apparently very drunk makes me wonder about the state of his mind as well. Perhaps he was a little drunk himself and so didn't really take her pleas to heart? Mmm...

reply
The Truth to Yaati 2012/05/03 18:30:24

+2
What all women I know of fail to understand is, an all out male erection has little to NO conscious. On a wedding night there is not only a right to demand sex from either spouse, but there is a universal expectation of it.

In a young man's case, there is a primal urge to 'make it happen' as well as a primal fear of ridicule from everyone! If it doesn't happen. Now on any other day, I tend to agree with the female version of 'rape'. But on a 'wedding night', I call it fulfilling the contract, making good on the promise!! A cherry was lost, but that's no big sin, she gets to keep the 'box' the cherry came in. ;]

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Yaati to The Truth 2012/05/03 18:55:51

+1
Very, very well said! That's why I'm a bit caught in the middle of this, myself. As you've said "male erection has little to NO conscious" and sex is very much in the forefront of (most) men (especially in a young man's) mind. When an opportunity such as the night of your wedding presents itself, I can imagine all he can think about is "sex, sex, sex!" To be denied that primal instinct on a night that he was probably certain he was going to get 'action' on, well, must be very hard on a man. As you've said, it is kind of like fulfilling an agreement, so I imagined he felt very cheated.

Again, I believe that, bottom line, the rape was wrong but in this case I think I can at least sympathise with the man. I think in cases such as these, it's easy to forget the vulnerability of humans, you know? How easy it might've been for him in that sexually charged environment to just lose himself. And who knows how heightened his 'instinct' was (suggesting again that he might've been drunk himself).

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NYCbrit to Yaati 2012/05/05 08:17:53

+1
Sympathise with his lack of wedding night sex (even tho, as I said above, he might have just had sex the night before), sure. Agree with a guy's (or girl's, for that matter) frustration and anger at not consummating the union right off, sure. But forcing sex on your life partner the night you vow to love & keep them? Not the best way to begin a marriage, I'd say. And if he was guilty of multiple situations of marital rape afterward... well, doesn't that speak to what his character REALLY is (not a frustrated bridegroom, just a bully)?

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Yaati to NYCbrit 2012/05/05 23:16:27

Your post made me think...and I appreciate it. This is the sort of thing I like to get out of discussions like this!

The suggestion that he's a bully puts a kind of light to the four other rape charges. I still wonder why she stays with him... if she feels threatened by him...I know that's a reason why a lot of women stay with abusers.
Must be a very complicated relationship....I hope for the sake of the woman that they end it.

Thanks for your input!

reply
NYCbrit to The Truth 2012/05/05 08:09:37 (edited)

+1
I'm well acquainted w/the male erection, being as I have a penis of my own. IT doesn't have a conscious but I certainly do. Many guys expect sex after an expensive dinner too but that doesn't mean taking it by force.

That "I can't control it" BS is a bit dated.

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The Truth to NYCbrit 2012/05/05 12:47:27

It isn't about 'not being able to control it'.. It's about NO reason to control it on your WEDDING NIGHT. One night, out your lifetime as a man, you are fully expected by everyone in the world to have sex with your wife.

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Oaces_b... to The Truth 2012/05/05 09:35:03
Oaces_b... to The Truth 2012/05/05 09:39:00
The Truth to Oaces_b... 2012/05/05 12:52:25

+2
And I agree with what my friend U-dog said also. I never did say I agree, or advocate what this 'guy in particular' did. I merely defend him with common sense and reason. I can understand how heated moments get confused and out of control as I have dealt with similar issues many times.

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Yaati to The Truth 2012/05/05 23:25:53

+1
I appreciate you giving your two cents to this little discussion/debate given that you've had some similar experiences (that is, as you were saying, heated/confusing moments).

The opinions of those who have sort of 'been there' is something I appreciate. :)

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The Truth to Yaati 2012/05/05 23:50:38

Well I have never forced myself on anyone sexually, even though the thought might have crossed my mind. But I have only had two wedding nights and thank god neither one of them said no.

But as I say I am not advocating that it is ok for men to force themselves on women in any case! I just say, if I were the judge in this case or any case like this, all women beware, there is a universal expectation of sexual intercourse on the wedding night. If sex happens on the wedding night I don't think any woman has any right to call it rape as long as their was no actual physical harm done to her.

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NYCbrit to The Truth 2012/05/05 08:05:09

You don't know he saved up for it. They might have humped the day before. Sure he might be bummed out and more than a bit aggro, but force doesn't have to be his solution.

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Oaces_b... to The Truth 2012/05/05 09:31:03
Oaces_b... to The Truth 2012/05/05 09:41:01
sglmom 2012/05/03 05:19:00

The Man.

+12
Although Married ..
The Partners should HONOR Each other ..
in this unit called family ..
BOTH should decide they want to share intimacy ..
When ONE chooses to not share this ..
HONOR that .. don't force ..

His actions .. by 'taking' .. After she said clearly NO
Is .. by its nature .. RAPE ..

reply
Yaati to sglmom 2012/05/03 21:42:16

+1
I thought I already replied to this. o_O
I just wanna say 'thanks for the input!'
Nicely put :)

reply