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Bride 'Raped by Husband on Wedding Night': Who's in the Wrong?

Yaati 2012/05/03 05:06:11
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So
this has been brought to my attention browsing the internet.




"
A husband raped his new wife on their
wedding night after she told him she didn't want to have sex, a court heard.



The
woman, who is in her 20s, told Exeter Crown Court she was so drunk after she
returned home from the wedding reception that she told her husband she did not
want to have sex.



However,
her husband ignored her pleas and forced her into it against her will.



He
is also charged with raping her another four times during their two-year
marriage."




Needless
to say, it has sparked some interesting debate. Those who are siding with the
woman are generally saying that a woman has a right to deny sex even to her
husband
. If he encroaches on that right, then it
is rape. Others are suggesting that to deny the man sex on his wedding night is
cruel; why’d she marry the guy anyway? Another thing that I noticed that struck me as
interesting is that those who sided with the woman tended to be women and,
likewise, men were siding with the man.



What’s
your take? Who is in the wrong?

Read More: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2138229/Br...

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Top Opinion

  • sglmom 2012/05/03 05:19:00
    The Man.
    sglmom
    +12
    Although Married ..
    The Partners should HONOR Each other ..
    in this unit called family ..
    BOTH should decide they want to share intimacy ..
    When ONE chooses to not share this ..
    HONOR that .. don't force ..

    His actions .. by 'taking' .. After she said clearly NO
    Is .. by its nature .. RAPE ..

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  • Gracie ... Brosia 2012/06/01 21:23:43
    Gracie - Proud Conservative
    You do let rape happen on the second, third and fourth times, if you actually considered it rape. I understand that some women are easily abused but we don't even know the flip side of this story. I can't assume that just because a woman is a woman that she is telling the truth. Abuse can only happen as long as someone is willing to be a victim. Usually the signs are there right from the beginning and friends and family point it out but the woman is too stubborn to admit it. Maybe I'm not sympathetic enough because I can't imagine being that weak, IDK.
  • Brosia Gracie ... 2012/06/03 00:47:11
    Brosia
    +1
    I can't imagine being that weak either...but it happened to me. For 3 years about 10 years ago, I was so pathetic that I refused to see the blatantly obvious. I was firmly under the thumb of a demanding, domineering, abusive, sadist. He told me what to do and I did it, without question. Under his direction, I let his friends have their way with me. 4 in one night, once. I don't know what other people would call it, but I am pretty sure that it falls under the heading of rape. I didn't get a choice, I would not have said yes if given one.

    Now, I eventually saw what my life became. I had a child and it changed everything. I grew a set and moved back home with my parents to recover for a bit. I discovered that, while it was difficult at first, I re-learned how to be myself very quickly. I look back at myself then, and I don't recognize the person that exists only in that time. I have been with my husband for 10 years, 9 of them married (I met him 4 months after leaving my ex- and we quickly formed a relationship. I have never looked back.) and we have been perfectly happy for the vast majority as well. Unlike most married couples that I have seen, we don't really have to work all that hard to be together. He is my best friend, and only he knows the specifics of what I went through. I will never be that shrinking flower ever again.
  • Gracie ... Brosia 2012/06/03 01:25:06
    Gracie - Proud Conservative
    +1
    I think that many women, myself included, are weak when we are young and will go to great lengths to be accepted and loved. I think the thing that changed you happens to many women, it's called motherhood. Suddenly, it's not about US, it's about our child and we get more strength from living for someone besides ourselves than we could ever get before we have them.

    You also point out something else that I believe but many other people don't. That is that true love and a good relationship aren't really work. Love is respectful and easy, not hard. If it's work and always seems to be in chaos, maybe it's not the right relationship.

    I'm so glad that you were able to get yourself together, leave and create a better life for yourself and your child. It's my sincere wish that women would give good men a chance and respect decency. Why women are attracted to idiots is the million dollar question.

    My past is nowhere perfect but I do know who was responsible for the choices that I made...it was ME!
  • Brosia Gracie ... 2012/06/03 05:17:15
    Brosia
    +1
    Thanks.
  • ProudCommie 2012/05/28 02:07:00 (edited)
    The Woman.
    ProudCommie
    +2
    No means no.

    Update: I didn't see I hit the wrong option. I meant to pick the man.
  • Shae 2012/05/17 04:30:31
    The Man.
    Shae
    +4
    Fellas, I'm with ya, it would suck if you marry a woman and she never wants to have sex, I get it. Had the guy cheated I wouldn't really blame him (though there would be other ways to address the problem). However, wife or not, you CAN NOT force a woman to have sex.... period. There is never a justification for it, end of story.
  • paul 2012/05/16 04:45:34
    Both are in the wrong.
    paul
    +3
    both of them shouldn't have gotten married
  • The_Nights_Eye 2012/05/11 21:01:47
    The Man.
    The_Nights_Eye
    +1
    I find it interesting that for some, automatically the women comes into question. I was almost raped a few times in my day, and I did nothing to provoke it -but you always get so many people automatically going -'well what did the women do she must of done something to provoke it, what was she wearing? how did she act? was she drinking?' lol.
    In a male sexual assault case his strength comes into question and his dignity, and he is shamed in other ways, which is just as horrible .

    The end result was rape, and thats a horribly brutal crime, which for me is next to murder. Just because she didn't run to the cops right away, doesn't take away credibility. Most rape cases end up reported later because, they are ignored or judged harshly by our culture, peers and family, and the system is no better with this. The system in almost all cases leave the victim (man or women) in sufferance, while the perp gets away scott free.

    It this type of behavior witnessed by other which discourages a great deal of survivors man or women from sharing with others what happened to them and reporting the crime. Most most survivors are suffering from ptsd and Stockholm syndrome, these things make it hard to not only share what happen with other parties, but can make person temporarily deny the exper...

    I find it interesting that for some, automatically the women comes into question. I was almost raped a few times in my day, and I did nothing to provoke it -but you always get so many people automatically going -'well what did the women do she must of done something to provoke it, what was she wearing? how did she act? was she drinking?' lol.
    In a male sexual assault case his strength comes into question and his dignity, and he is shamed in other ways, which is just as horrible .

    The end result was rape, and thats a horribly brutal crime, which for me is next to murder. Just because she didn't run to the cops right away, doesn't take away credibility. Most rape cases end up reported later because, they are ignored or judged harshly by our culture, peers and family, and the system is no better with this. The system in almost all cases leave the victim (man or women) in sufferance, while the perp gets away scott free.

    It this type of behavior witnessed by other which discourages a great deal of survivors man or women from sharing with others what happened to them and reporting the crime. Most most survivors are suffering from ptsd and Stockholm syndrome, these things make it hard to not only share what happen with other parties, but can make person temporarily deny the experience especially if it's done by someone they love and trust, and takes them time to face the horrible reality.This is just like many soldiers and different types of survivors face every day but they are never called into question as to why it's hard for them to share.

    I can speak from first hand experience when reporting my case when it happen and ended up almost in a group home "for blaming a good guy on my bad behavior " for not showing up to class. Why did I not show up? Because him and his friends would try to drag me in to isolated areas at my school an assault me, which was reported by people who worked for the school and me many times, but ignored. It took a counselor to tell them I had ptsd for them to even sort of care;sadly even then, it was swept away under a rug and he got off.
    (more)
  • autumnfae 2012/05/07 19:21:10
    The Man.
    autumnfae
    +1
    just because they are married does not mean that she gave up her rights... no means no ..
  • nums 2012/05/06 19:35:22
    The Man.
    nums
    +1
    i dont understand why she still married him after it happend four times before
  • Yaati nums 2012/05/07 00:45:11 (edited)
    Yaati
    +1
    Same here. Several have suggested it may be for fear of the husband. If she was so bold to bring him to court several more times, however, it sort of makes me doubt that. Then again, I've never had to deal with an abusive relationship (thankfully) so I really can't talk about the kind of mentality you're in in that sort of place. Can only imagine. :(
  • S123 nums 2012/06/01 04:32:34
    S123
    +1
    It says he raped her four times during the marriage.
  • Kyle 2012/05/06 06:52:01
  • 001 2012/05/06 01:35:56
    The Man.
    001
    +4
    I have to admit it is sort of expected to have sex on the wedding night, but that doesn't mean it's 'the law' to do so. It's mean, but it doesn't give the husband the right to force himself upon her.
  • Tank 2012/05/05 20:55:26
    The Man.
    Tank
    +4
    Rape is always the rapist's fault.
  • Fluttershyfan 2012/05/05 12:54:40
    The Man.
    Fluttershyfan
    +1
    Obviously she married quite a motherf***er. That could (and probably will) lead to an abusive relationship. My advice to her is to LEAVE. HIM. NOW.
  • Leah 2012/05/05 08:45:50
    The Man.
    Leah
    +3
    Rape is rape, whether you are married or not. He's not entitled to sex from anyone.
  • Kayla Mace 2012/05/05 00:50:36
  • Yaati Kayla Mace 2012/05/05 23:05:48
    Yaati
    lol! That seems to be happening to a lot of people :P
  • Kayla Mace Yaati 2012/05/08 21:51:54
  • Iamfree 2012/05/04 20:58:13
    All your other options suck. I just wanna say...
    Iamfree
    +1
    Wait, he "raped" her five times during their marriage, including on her wedding night, and she stayed with him for two years? I'd say there's more to this story than meets the eyes.

    However, if everything happened exactly as the woman says it did, the husband belongs in prison.
  • Kayla Mace Iamfree 2012/05/05 00:51:25
  • ☥☽✪☾DAW ☽✪☾ 2012/05/04 17:42:39 (edited)
    The Man.
    ☥☽✪☾DAW ☽✪☾
    +1
    Why does it sound like this


    obviously God is a Sexist Pig

    who feels the need to rape a woman

    yep if a woman is Raped they kill her unless she marries her rapist
    What a GREAT GOD
  • Patriot American Symbol Man 2012/05/04 17:31:38
    All your other options suck. I just wanna say...
    Patriot American Symbol Man
    Why would you want to start a discussion about this?
  • Yaati Patriot... 2012/05/04 18:42:13
    Yaati
    +1
    It struck me as interesting on other sites to see women generally siding with the woman and men siding with the man. I wanted to see (from the lightning report) if the same patterns showed up in Sodahead. Like, I've noticed that "bi" people are more likely to blame both the man and the woman while, interestingly enough, "straight" people are putting more blame on the man.

    I look at this almost as a social "experiment"? It's all out of curiosity, though now I'm wondering if it was a mistake to bring it up. :/
  • Steampunk King 2012/05/04 12:49:18
    The Man.
    Steampunk King
    +2
    She didn't give him permission. It's rape. Although whose to say we have every detail?
  • Yaati Steampu... 2012/05/04 16:52:31
    Yaati
    +1
    Mmhmm! It is a very murky story and we definitely do *not* have every detail. In fact, we really only have a little bit of the woman's side.
    Still, because of the debate this has brought about in other sites, I was curious as to how Sodahead would react and that's why I posted the question anyway. People have some very interesting views on this, I've found, on both sides. People defending the woman as well as the man.
  • Wilde~MoonChild ™ 2012/05/04 05:50:05
    The Man.
    Wilde~MoonChild ™
    +5
    Forcible sex is rape. Marriage does not give anyone carte blanche to sex. The idea some people would blame the woman is absurd
  • Figment 2012/05/04 04:02:20
  • Booッ 2012/05/04 03:17:48
    The Man.
    Booッ
    Thean CANNOT rape her just because she doesn't want to have sex. The woman, by all rights has the authority to say no to sex. If he really loved her he wouldn't rape her like that.
  • The Impossible Girl ✿ 2012/05/04 03:08:22
    The Man.
    The Impossible Girl ✿
    +5
    The woman has EVERY right to turn down sex.
    That man had no right forcing her.
    Forced sex=rape
    Married or not.
  • Death On Two Legs 2012/05/04 02:46:04
    The Man.
    Death On Two Legs
    +7
    How can he honestly say he loves her enough to marry her and then do that to her? You should respect the body of the person you love.
  • darwolf 2012/05/04 02:39:40
    The Man.
    darwolf
    +5
    Rape is rape. This guy should be in prison.
  • Mrz Winchester-Salvatore 2012/05/04 00:23:24
    The Man.
    Mrz Winchester-Salvatore
    +6
    Rape is rape no matter what the day, month or time....just wonder why she stayed with him after that.....
  • rosesvengeance BN-0 2012/05/03 23:42:36
    The Man.
    rosesvengeance BN-0
    +5
    most likely they had sex before the wedding in this day and age so those feeling sorry for the man not getting any till he forced it on his wedding night can shut the hell up.
    Even if they didn't have sex before their wedding it is still wrong to force someone into having sex, even your spouse.
  • La 2012/05/03 23:35:43
    The Man.
    La
    +9
    This is the only correct answer. Rape within marriage is still rape.
  • Anna 2012/05/03 23:20:49
    The Man.
    Anna
    +8
    No means no, unless you're into some kinkier stuff, than the safe word means no. I don't care what night it is, no one, man or woman, has the right to force them self onto an unwilling party.
  • yg 2012/05/03 23:12:49
    The Man.
    yg
    +6
    What kind of man has to rape his own wife to get some.
  • lonewolf 2012/05/03 23:12:31
    The Man.
    lonewolf
    +6
    if said said no then thats where it stands since its her body she has that right.
  • kick2head 2012/05/03 22:36:54
    All your other options suck. I just wanna say...
    kick2head
    +2
    I find it interesting that you pose the question with definitive statements regarding the husband's guilt when the trial to determine guilt or innocence of the husband is ongoing according to the article to which you provided the link.

    How can anyone say that the husband or wife is right or wrong when we honestly don't know what the truth of the matter is. All we could do is speculate.

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