Belgian Discovers Wife Had Sex Change 19 Years Ago: Do Partners Have Right to Know?

Fef 2012/11/27 17:00:00
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A 64-yeard-old Belgium man named "Jan" filed for divorce after learning that his wife had a sex change 19 years ago. "I feel I've been assaulted... I brought her to Belgium. That was not easy. The Belgian courts had serious doubts about the authenticity of her birth and her identity papers, but eventually they accepted it anyway. I thought she was an attractive woman, all woman. She had no male traits."

Jan said that he confronted his wife about her possible infidelity and partying at nightclubs. During that confrontation Monica told Jan about her history. "I pushed her against the wall and said: Now I know the truth. Are you a man? She then announced that she was born as a boy and that she had been operated on. She was now a woman, and so she did not need to tell me about her past as a man. My world collapsed. That evening came to blows. The police came."

Do people have the right to know about the gender history of their romantic partners? At what point should the partner find out?

A Belgian is seeking to have his marriage annulled after discovering that his Indonesian wife of 19 years had been born a man.
belgian seeking marriage annulled discovering indonesian wife 19 years born

Read More: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/b...

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Top Opinion

  • RawRsaurus 2012/11/27 22:07:34
    I'm a post-op transman, and I've been able to remain stealth in lengthy relationships. That being said, it's important to tell your significant other. If they can't love you for the person you are, they are not the right one for you. Sadly, the husband's reaction is a major reason why trans remain private. Does the husband have a right to be upset? Absolutely. It's a major secret being kept; however, if you really loved your wife you'd stay with her.

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  • iamthemob ~ the 444th Guru ~ 2012/12/01 19:11:41
    iamthemob ~ the 444th Guru ~
    That's kind of part of the honesty required of married partners.
  • Smokey 2012/11/30 19:49:13
    Come on now... REALLY? He didn't know?
  • iamthem... Smokey 2012/12/01 19:13:01
    iamthemob ~ the 444th Guru ~
    I don't think you know what a sex-change operation is...especially when done at a young age and especially when we're dealing with those of Southeast Asian descent.
  • ymcmillan2 2012/11/30 18:58:56
    GROSS!!! Yes!!! I would leave my partner in a heart beat if I found out he fooled me with devastating news like this :(
  • Josh Robinson 2012/11/30 18:49:24
    Josh Robinson
    Having a sex change isn't exactly a DUI... Your partner should know about It, it should be part of the ''You'' that they love... or they love a deception...! shrek princess gif
  • Wulfdane 2012/11/30 18:31:55 (edited)
    What a foolish question, of course the spouse has a right to know. Especially marriage.

    Those who hide such an important truth, deserve whatever consequences befalls them.
  • FatherLiberty 2012/11/30 18:11:43
    That would be a lot take to in... and would take a lot of restraint from doing...



    dig grave
  • Zody Honeybee 2012/11/30 17:35:47
    Zody Honeybee
    If you don't share that with your partner, you are living a lie. If you are truly in love with that person, it shouldn't really matter
  • flrdsgns 2012/11/30 17:21:57
    He should have been told the truth.
  • Big Battles 2012/11/30 16:51:22
    Big Battles
    1) owch thats gotta hurt the poor guy

    2) being TG myself and reading these things is the reason Ill never be in a relationship myself but I do understand people should tell there partners.
  • Andi Cat Big Bat... 2013/02/21 06:12:34
    Andi Cat
    I agree its a shocking thing to have to hear after 19 years, and I think depending on someones views it would be tough... but I think maybe not right to avoid a relationship and closeness altogether to avoid having that conversation. I suppose you could find out someones views before dropping the bomb, in order to avoid some level of possible
    rejection, but I think love is always worth a try at least.
  • Oderus Urungus 2012/11/30 16:44:09
  • Sarah Alexander 2012/11/30 16:23:17
    Sarah Alexander
    They have the right to know, but it also shouldn't change anything; I think gender and sex, current and/or past, shouldn't make a difference at all when it comes to how you think of a person and feel towards them.
  • Andi Cat Sarah A... 2013/02/21 06:17:17
    Andi Cat
    Sarah I agree with you. I think some men are just really, well homophobic, and (not that I believe this is true at all btw) but a man like this would instantly go to the idea that they have been sleeping with a man... even tho she not a man-- anymore--, she is a woman... But The idea of him being betrayed into "being gay" or something to that effect, would be enough to send that kind of person running. Agreed... if you love someone it shouldnt matter at all. It doesnt change you they are, just who they were.. and we were all something at one time that wasnt right for us.... past is the past... but not everyone is as evolved to see things that way. Im sure that its devestating for both of them. BUT regardless of her dishonesty with him about her past, she was still his wife for 19 years and made a life with him... SO its unfortunate his reaction but doubtful it will actually win in a court of law. They still were husband and wife for 19 years... Very sad for everyone.

    Dishonesty can destroy good things... but still very sad.
  • Sarah A... Andi Cat 2013/02/27 03:42:43
    Sarah Alexander
    That's so frustrating - she isn't a man and, either way, he loves her so it shouldn't matter. I understand where the guy is coming from, but it's incredibly unfortunate that he feels that way.
  • kateisgod 2012/11/30 16:13:52
    But it's sad that that kind of news makes/breaks a relationship. I feel like most news after that wouldn't be so bad.
    Except for cheating. Cheating is bad.
  • Whodini 2012/11/30 15:43:48
  • MOMMA THOMAS 2012/11/30 10:44:20
  • joe.noonan2 2012/11/30 09:21:45
    Yeah. That is kind of important. He didn't notice for +19 years?
  • Hermes joe.noo... 2012/11/30 16:11:32
    Many post ops - particularly m2f post ops are absolutely invisible. No one can tell the difference unless they are told or do deep medical scans. It is no surprise and nothing wrong with the husband that he didn't notice. There was nothing to notice. There is a vagina, no penis -- breasts not pecs -- it is for all intents and purposes a woman. I would be as horrified as he was -- however, it is more difficult for transmen to truly hide, though some can. I am a gay male -- I am fairly certain that I would know if the guy had originally been a girl -- but who knows. If someone did hide for 19 years I would NEVER want to know.
  • Dounet Hermes 2012/11/30 16:46:32
    I think it depends on the transgendered woman's anatomy as well even before the surgery. If they naturally have very small and petite bodies, it really can't get told that well and surgeries really help them.

    Indonesian people are actually usually very petite. Both men and women.
  • Dounet Hermes 2012/11/30 16:47:34
    Because big hands and feet always stay the same....
  • Avi Rosen 2012/11/30 08:35:30
    Avi Rosen
    Sincerity is the key!
    No Secrets.
  • art1ej 2012/11/30 08:23:17
    I think i'd like to know....
  • selena costa 2012/11/30 06:03:39
    selena costa
    id like to know if my husband used to have a vagina, but im sure he doesnt :D
  • A Lionheart 2012/11/30 05:22:10 (edited)
    A Lionheart
    In the case of trans gender YES! Not that there is anything wrong with that, but they should still know.
  • Bulanova (Team Hargitay) 2012/11/30 05:18:33 (edited)
    Bulanova (Team Hargitay)
    I don't see how it's any different from lying about any other major facet of your life. It's BAD NEWS to start any relationship out on lies. Truth always comes out and what is the point in spending your entire life with someone for whom you have to always put on a facade? Being honest helps you weed out the people you aren't compatible with from the start rather than spending YEARS of your life on it. It just makes good sense.
  • Stan 2012/11/30 04:37:24
    Obviously an idiot who was clueless as to a woman's anatomy, or, if he ever did go down on her or have sex, was blind! NO surgery could ever remotely have a chance at hiding that fact, no matter how good it is! He would do better suing himself for ignorance, especially at his age! The story, as presented here, is nonsensical at best.
  • Hermes Stan 2012/11/30 16:14:05
    You are wrong. I have known post op m2f transsexuals. We aren't talking transvestites here - we are talking transsexuals. Good surgery leaves few if any signs. Excellent surgery leaves none. I understand that you want to believe you could never be fooled, and your reaction is actually probably based at least partially on the subconscious thought "holy sh*t - could that happen to me?" The reality is, its unlikely, but it is by no stretch impossible.

    Kind thoughts.
  • Stan Hermes 2012/12/11 20:29:43
    I disagree.But hey we all have our opinions and experiences. One can always tell up close legs apart, especially if one knows every minute detail of the female's genitalia...:) No contest!
    All the best!
  • Andi Cat Stan 2013/02/21 06:32:36
    Andi Cat
    There are many undetectable surgeries... these plastic surgeons specialize in this... and the tissue used from the inside of the penis is actually the same as the inside of the vagina and gspot.. a spongy tissue. It would feel the same, and with a good surgeon look great... maybe even better than some women. Every girl is different down there... no vajayjay looks the same, but a good surgery would be undetectable... unless you did surgery assist and knew exactly where the tells are. No disrespect, but I think with a tiny little asian gal, and a good surgery and long enough post ops as surgery scars will disappear within a year or two... its totally possible to never know.

    still crazy to think about tho. http://www.genitalsurgerybelg...
  • Dan 2012/11/30 04:14:26
    Where's the "hell yes" choice?
  • addie 2012/11/30 03:23:51
    I want to say, "no," but I have to say yes. B(
  • opheliacc 2012/11/30 03:23:05
    I think it's a pretty important part of someone's life...and marriage is a union and all that jazz...you need to be open,and tell people who you are. Leaving out something like that will only hurt your relationship if they find out on their own.
  • strawberry opheliacc 2012/11/30 03:55:53
    Also males who have sex changes to female cannot get pregnant. This would be very deceitful in not telling a serious partner.
  • Kidasha 2012/11/30 02:12:03
    It's the person's choice. I have secrets about myself that I will take to my grave, does that make me an untrustworthy person? no. It's not who you were that matters it's who you are now. People have the right to keep their pasts a secret.
  • Dounet Kidasha 2012/11/30 02:41:14
    When you enter a relationship, it isn't only about you and they also have a right to know such a big secret. People are thinking about this in their own terms and not taking the other person's feeling into consideration because guess what.....for them it does matter. If it does matter for them, they have a right to know.

    It is more about morals, if anything.
  • strawberry Kidasha 2012/11/30 03:57:26
    What if pregnancies are concerned.? A man marries a woman not knowing she was once a male with a sex change and cannot get pregnant. Or the other way around.
  • art1ej strawberry 2012/11/30 08:02:05
    so what about pregnancies??..adopt & say you can't have kids naturally...
  • strawberry art1ej 2012/11/30 21:37:55
    If a man marries or a woman, most want children of their own. Anyone with a sex change has an obligation to tell of their sex change if a relationship gets serious.
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