Are You Cool With Your Significant Other Contacting Their Ex?

by Kirk Posted September 09, 2010 14:50:23

Related Topics: Depend, Significant Other

143 votes
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	Hell no! It's not cool at all.	60 votes	42%
	Yes. It's all about trust.	32 votes	22%
	It depends how long the ex has been an ex.	14 votes	10%
	None of the above	37 votes	26%

+11

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Vic~*PHAET*~ September 09, 2010 20:31:11 (edited)

Yes. It's all about trust.

+5
Of course.
It'd be quite hypocritical of me to not allow him to when I speak to my one of my exes regularly and am friends with him. My ex knows there's going to be nothing between us and I told my boyfriend up front when my ex first contacted me again, checking to make sure it was okay with him that I forged a friendship with the latter.

I may not like certain exes that my boyfriend has had, but I trust him enough to know that he's loyal to me. He's told me whenever someone has tried something with him, so I have no reason to doubt him. I trust his behaviour with the ones that he speaks to and know all of his thoughts on them and why they're exes. We've discussed that and let it be.

There are some I'd prefer he not associate with, but I'm not going to demand he stop friendships for me, that's unfair. I can deal, I'm secure in our relationship. We trust one another enough, but are willing to ask permission to communicate with an ex if the other wants it as well or if we're going to be hanging out with one.
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Roxxi September 15, 2010 11:34:52

It depends how long the ex has been an ex.

I wouldn't be too comfy if we had just started dating, but if we'd been in an exclusive relationship, I don't see why not. I trust my partner, I don't see why they can't talk to their ex once in a while.

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Lisa September 15, 2010 06:22:18

Hell no! It's not cool at all.

It is not right .. Should I send the texts and subsequent emails to my ex boyfriends new wife and let her know that just 6 months prior to marrying her, he was professing his love to me? Texting leads to other things and texting exes is just a way to find out what the other person is up to and a narcissistic way of getting gratification if they find out something they wanted to hear.

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Kirk to Lisa September 16, 2010 17:52:49

Well, six months is a little too recent. What about someone from 5 or 10 years ago?

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Baggins ~IMBIT~ September 14, 2010 16:18:26

None of the above

Completely depends on why they are contacting and what their current relationship is like.

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CHICKSRULE September 13, 2010 20:51:40

None of the above

It's only OK if it involves your kids, alimony and such. If they are texting to chat, flirt or ask how was your first day on the job etc.? Then it would be a NO for me... Your ex should be your ex, afterall you aren't with them, and you have a new Love, you shouldn't care what your ex is up to, or how they are doing.......

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MBTOMP September 13, 2010 18:42:55

It depends how long the ex has been an ex.

Probably not.

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Kalamazoo September 13, 2010 14:06:09

None of the above

Depends on why they were texting them...kids, alimony, etc. I wouldn't be cool, with a text that said..."hi, how are doing?"

Simply put, they are an ex for reason.

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PDenoli September 13, 2010 14:02:50

Yes. It's all about trust.

If I wasn't sure that their relationship was over, shame on me for thinking I could start one. And if I *was* sure it was over, why would I start doubting it now? If I have a reason - that's the issue and not 'texting' or calling or talking.

As with everything "it depends" on the circumstances. But in general, who cares? Let your SO have a little breathing room. Sheesh.

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☠ Cheryl ☮ September 13, 2010 04:49:25

Hell no! It's not cool at all.

I don't think that would a cool thing to do. Would cause more harm than good. Even if they are just friends.

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LeAnn September 13, 2010 01:05:33

None of the above

+1
For me, it depends on the ex. Most of my boyfriends EXes are ok...some are really nice, and I don't care if he talks to them. But one of these girls was pure evil! lol. She threatened us and said terrible things about me after me and my boyfriend got together. She even threatened to have her friends kick his butt. She has done even worse things but I'm not going to get into everything here....but because of that, I don't want to say I "forbid" him from texting/talking to her, but I must admit, it would make me pretty mad, because I really don't see why he would want to communicate with her anyways.

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picture... to LeAnn September 13, 2010 09:01:05

+1
My whole life was successfully sabotaged by my boyfriends ex girlfriend, who was in love with him & married, with the help of her friends. Not the worst part. My boyfriend was still so attached to all of them, that he helped them get away with it & consoled me with kisses at home. Lost everything I worked hard to build. Online destruction, home destruction, me destruction. Swearing love for me yet protects them. This is what I know of communication between exes. I'm a bit biased.

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Pandemonium September 13, 2010 00:40:20 (edited)

None of the above

True, I wouldn't be pleased about it but I couldn't forbid him to do that either. And there's also a reason why exes ARE exes so I guess I would be ok with it.

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FlipFlopALolliPop September 12, 2010 23:37:18

None of the above

I wouldn't have a problem with it. If you can't trust your partner, you do not need to be with them.

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Kirk to FlipFlo... September 13, 2010 06:29:11

+1
Wow, that is a mature philosophy. I agree whole-heartedly. That's how it is with me an my wife.

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picturevirginia September 12, 2010 23:00:21 (edited)

None of the above

+1
It depends upon the trustworthiness of the one who wants to connect with the ex & the trustworthiness of the ex combined. Understanding ones own weaknesses enough to do the right thing in a situation like that, is apparent in other behaviors. Plus, is it private? That's something else entirely. The closest relationship, one without hiding, should be your primary partner.

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Kirk to picture... September 13, 2010 07:02:29

+2
Very interesting point about being "private" or not. For example, if the communication with an ex is not private, then it's probably harmless. Keeping secrets is bound to mean trouble.

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Ericka September 12, 2010 10:04:28 (edited)

None of the above

Hell no, but it's not about him...his ex is crazy and incessantly bothers us every few months or so - he's told her they can't be friends, but she totally ignores anything he has to say and keeps calling or texting (Yeah, sure we'd Love to meet her for drinks...right after hell freezes over). He's nice and Wants to help her fix her train-wreck life, but he doesn't want to deal with her, he feels bad for her kids yet is starting to realize it is Not His Job to "fix" her dysfunctions. She has no respect for anyone's boundaries whatsoever. He's voluntarily told me every time she does it, what she says, what he says, and what he dislikes about it all, and we don't lie to each other or keep secrets. And for those ladies out there who think "all men lie" - ha...mine doesn't, that's for sure. In fact, if I weren't so understanding and didn't prefer honesty, he could get himself in some real trouble for half the stuff he doesn't keep behind his teeth.

*My* crazy ex was calling for almost two years after we broke up, and I kept telling him very unprintable things and hanging up - he finally seemed to have gotten it and left me alone, but I understand he is still bitter (Tough).

Okay, sure there are some people who text or call exes with no regard for their significant other, then ...

Hell no, but it's not about him...his ex is crazy and incessantly bothers us every few months or so - he's told her they can't be friends, but she totally ignores anything he has to say and keeps calling or texting (Yeah, sure we'd Love to meet her for drinks...right after hell freezes over). He's nice and Wants to help her fix her train-wreck life, but he doesn't want to deal with her, he feels bad for her kids yet is starting to realize it is Not His Job to "fix" her dysfunctions. She has no respect for anyone's boundaries whatsoever. He's voluntarily told me every time she does it, what she says, what he says, and what he dislikes about it all, and we don't lie to each other or keep secrets. And for those ladies out there who think "all men lie" - ha...mine doesn't, that's for sure. In fact, if I weren't so understanding and didn't prefer honesty, he could get himself in some real trouble for half the stuff he doesn't keep behind his teeth.

*My* crazy ex was calling for almost two years after we broke up, and I kept telling him very unprintable things and hanging up - he finally seemed to have gotten it and left me alone, but I understand he is still bitter (Tough).

Okay, sure there are some people who text or call exes with no regard for their significant other, then there are those who are doing something heinously Wrong in taking it even further, but any contact your partner doesn't know about is suspect and sharing of things you wouldn't want your partner to know is definitely emotional cheating, which can be just as damaging to a relationship as physical "real" cheating. I'd think long and hard before you go down that road, and you should probably think how you'd feel if your partner did the same thing to you.

I know for a fact neither of us would do that to each other or like having it done to us. In fact, when the crazy ex was pulling her nonsense, I asked him how he would like it or feel if I talked to my ex, and he was Quite Displeased with the idea...lol.
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Ericka to Ericka September 12, 2010 10:10:17

And I clicked the wrong vote button :D

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Jai Allen September 11, 2010 22:06:39

It depends how long the ex has been an ex.

If they have children together or legal issues , then fine , if not , then there's a problem.

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Kirk to Jai Allen September 13, 2010 06:31:36

Can't someone just want to have a connection to what was an important chapter of their life without making it into a problem. For example, people go to their high school reunions to see exes, but they don't expect to go home with them.

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ladypuppylove September 11, 2010 19:14:15

Hell no! It's not cool at all.

No that is why they are ex's noway

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Mellow September 11, 2010 05:37:54

None of the above

+1
I don't know how I'd feel about that. A long time ago, my boyfriend had been talking to his ex, who had a boyfriend. He would talk to her about the problems we were having. That made me feel very uncomfortable. Plus... I think that when people know what you look like naked, and you're not together anymore, there's no reason to become friends afterward... unless of course, there are children involved.

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666 n my heart® September 11, 2010 02:43:00

Hell no! It's not cool at all.

It's disrespectful as hell man.

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Peon of the Masses September 11, 2010 00:12:19

None of the above

If the person has requested to see them from their deathbed at the hour of their impending demise, then I think it's acceptable given the circumstances to allow her to text a polite, "No thank you."
Just kidding, I'd be OK to have them go see them and even be OK with them giving them a tender farewell kiss on the cheek or forehead as their former beloved's spirit carries off into the great beyond. Because honestly, I'd feel sorry for the guy, and it's the least I can do for someone in their position.

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Marionette September 10, 2010 23:52:55

Hell no! It's not cool at all.

+1
Not at all.
I would NOT feel comfortable with that....

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La September 10, 2010 22:12:02

It depends how long the ex has been an ex.

He's allowed. If I'm feeling insecure, I might be a bit reactive about it though. I trust that he's not gonna cheat, but that's not really the point. Can't help being jealous sometimes, but that doesn't mean you have to go all Crazy Bitch mode.

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The Sparkling Velociraptor September 10, 2010 22:06:13 (edited)

Yes. It's all about trust.

Sure.

I'm not the jealous type, as long as I didn't have reason to doubt my (non-existant) girlfriend, why would I? Exes can be friends.

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La to The Spa... September 10, 2010 22:13:37

Hmm.

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The Spa... to La September 10, 2010 22:49:04 (edited)

+1
I miss-worded that <_<

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La to The Spa... September 10, 2010 22:51:18

S'all good :)

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~Pro-Fetus Anti-Liberal Ant... September 10, 2010 21:59:10

Hell no! It's not cool at all.

+1
Unless he has kids with her, why in the world would he need to have any communication with an ex? Oh wait... he wouldn't.

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La to ~Pro-Fe... September 10, 2010 22:14:17

You can be friends with an ex....

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~Pro-Fe... to La September 19, 2010 16:10:12

I can't be friends with my exes and there is no reason for him to be friends with his either.

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La to ~Pro-Fe... September 27, 2010 07:04:51

What if the reason you broke up is because you'd pretty much gone back to being friends, not really a couple. What is the problem with continuing the friendship. If you have lots of mutual friends, it might be necessary to "stay friends" out of politeness, because you're bound to see each other around...

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Kirk to ~Pro-Fe... September 13, 2010 06:32:43

+1
What about just sending a christmas card "Hi. Hope you and your family are well and happy." Would that be okay?

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~Pro-Fe... to Kirk September 19, 2010 16:13:29

If he doesn't have anything to do with them, then chances are he wouldn't have their addresses either and there is no reason to seek them out just to get them. They are an ex to begin with, so what would be the purpose in icluding them in your life on any level? It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. I just assume leave the past in the past and luckily my husband is the same way.

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La to ~Pro-Fe... September 27, 2010 07:05:35

Oh I get it. You're crazzzzy jealous/paranoid :D

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~Pro-Fe... to La October 11, 2010 03:01:23

Oh I get it... you just have no life, so you have to go around and try and rip apart how other people LIVE theirs. Get a life dude. My man is happy with just me. I'm enough for him. He doesn't need to live in the past. I guess that you're just BITTER because your guy cheats on you (because you're NOT enough) and you can't stand that other people get to have their guy's all to themselves. Well that just sucks for you, lol. Get a life and go get your own relationship... although, if you're this much of a bitch all of the time, it's no wonder you get cheated on.

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La to ~Pro-Fe... October 14, 2010 14:25:55

Uh...I don't know where you're getting your facts about me, but you're not a very good stalker. I've never been cheated on tbh.

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~Pro-Fe... to La October 21, 2010 19:01:35

I'm not really about to take the time to research a know-it-all @sshole like yourself (thinks they know it all, but clearly doesn't), but if you haven't been cheated on, I'll guess it's because you're too fugly (inside and out) to get anyone to notice you to begin with.

Now stop talking to me. I can't stand people who don't know me and decide to start judging me (because they have some of their own self-hatred issues to deal with), when I could've gone the rest of my life, without having an @sshole like yourself WASTE any of my time.

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