Are you able to apologize when you are wrong? What does your culture or religion say about the subject of apologizing?
ANGEL
2012/04/15 17:45:53
I have great respect for people who can step up to the plate and apologize when they are wrong.
I find that it takes strength and shows that someone is secure and has a back-bone. Discussions on SH can easily escalate, and people can lash out and say things that they might not otherwise say, and they might not even mean. Either way, it can be hurtful. Sometimes we push someone's buttons
unintentionally. I have done this and will never hesitate to apologize if I see that I stepped out of bounds. 99% of the time, the apology is accepted and we move on.
Recently, I had a discussion with someone on-line which turned heated and ugly. We both said things that were unfair. My religion, Scientology, teaches me, not only to take responsibility for
my actions, but to take responsibility for the effects I create. Therefore, I try to choose my words carefully, and try not to offend. But in this case - offend I did - and I apologized for my part. However, when it came for her to do so, (and she had been very offensive and unjustly so) she just left the conversation and didn't return. I have no doubt that she knew she was wrong, as well.
Regardless of her unwillingness to step up to the plate, if I had it to do over again
knowing that she would bale - I still would have apologized. But I was left wondering why she did not. While she and I are of different religious faiths, I know that her religion also encourages that they acknowledge their wrongs and encourages reconciliation. However, she is also Asian and lives in a different country than I do, and I wondered if she was too embarrassed to apologize - and thought that it might be a matter of "saving face". I researched this on line and found the following with regards to Chinese culture: "In situations where someone of reputation has made a mistake or done
wrong, and the error is made attributable to that person in public, then
that one person has "lost face" - their reputation in the eyes of their
peers has been reduced. Losing face is an experience no-one wishes to
have befall them. So, even if the one losing face is clearly "wrong",
some folks will go to great lengths to avoid the appearance of losing
face." http://voices.yahoo.com/the-concept-face-chinese-culture-5667... (I
saw something similar as it relates to Japanese and Thai culture). So
at this point, I'm going to chalk it up to cultural concerns, and allow
her to walk away with grace.
This, however, led me to wonder about other cultures and religions and their viewpoints on apologizing, saving face, etc.
Are you able to apologize when you are wrong? What does your culture or religion say about the subject of apologizing?
I find that it takes strength and shows that someone is secure and has a back-bone. Discussions on SH can easily escalate, and people can lash out and say things that they might not otherwise say, and they might not even mean. Either way, it can be hurtful. Sometimes we push someone's buttons
unintentionally. I have done this and will never hesitate to apologize if I see that I stepped out of bounds. 99% of the time, the apology is accepted and we move on.
Recently, I had a discussion with someone on-line which turned heated and ugly. We both said things that were unfair. My religion, Scientology, teaches me, not only to take responsibility for
my actions, but to take responsibility for the effects I create. Therefore, I try to choose my words carefully, and try not to offend. But in this case - offend I did - and I apologized for my part. However, when it came for her to do so, (and she had been very offensive and unjustly so) she just left the conversation and didn't return. I have no doubt that she knew she was wrong, as well.
Regardless of her unwillingness to step up to the plate, if I had it to do over again
knowing that she would bale - I still would have apologized. But I was left wondering why she did not. While she and I are of different religious faiths, I know that her religion also encourages that they acknowledge their wrongs and encourages reconciliation. However, she is also Asian and lives in a different country than I do, and I wondered if she was too embarrassed to apologize - and thought that it might be a matter of "saving face". I researched this on line and found the following with regards to Chinese culture: "In situations where someone of reputation has made a mistake or done
wrong, and the error is made attributable to that person in public, then
that one person has "lost face" - their reputation in the eyes of their
peers has been reduced. Losing face is an experience no-one wishes to
have befall them. So, even if the one losing face is clearly "wrong",
some folks will go to great lengths to avoid the appearance of losing
face." http://voices.yahoo.com/the-concept-face-chinese-culture-5667... (I
saw something similar as it relates to Japanese and Thai culture). So
at this point, I'm going to chalk it up to cultural concerns, and allow
her to walk away with grace.
This, however, led me to wonder about other cultures and religions and their viewpoints on apologizing, saving face, etc.
Are you able to apologize when you are wrong? What does your culture or religion say about the subject of apologizing?
I have a lot of respect for one that can say I was wrong, I am sorry. Angel I have known several. Asian folks that for whatever reason I wondered if any form of apologies We're even in their vocabulary, I am not passing judgement on any group of people, just mentioned due to your incedent.
In my religion as I mentioned above -- we not only are taught to take responsibility for our actions - but also to take responsibility for the effects we create on others. I try to phrase things in ways that won't push someone's buttons. And I much prefer to create good effects on others. But here on soda head, especially during my first 3 years, I do admit that I lashed out.
I don't hold grudges. I do forget and move on. If it happens too often, I do have my limits. WHen I was little, my mother held a grudge FOREVER and it was unbearable. When I had children of my own, I vowed that I would be forgiving.
Here is an example of a situation that I think would be deserving of an apology: Lets say some guy on Soda Head accuses me of lying. He then goes to other polls, calling me out as a liar. I then showed him irrefutable evidence that what I was saying was true. He couldn't argue because this was not a matter of opinion - it was a fact. In this case, he jumped the gun by calling me a liar and took it further to other polls, before he had all of the data. In this case, I think an apology would be in order - and that he should also go to the other polls where he called me out, to correct his statements.
Do you see the difference? I hope I'm being clear.
An unforgiving heart usually, not always is because one has not forgiven themselves.
I have been on the end of not being forgiven. It is often hurtful. I don't feel the need to be right.
This was taught to me by my parents. My Mom said you do what is right. Forgiving is
right.
And actually, your response above is very insightful.