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Are Today’s Women Too Independent?

Living 2010/06/11 11:00:00
Both Kelly Clarkson and Beyonce have had hit songs in recent years about “independent” women. But have single women become so independent and set in their ways that they are destined to be alone?

CNN’s relationships columnist Audrey Irvine wonders if today’s women “make men feel like they're dating a man wearing a skirt.”

“Ladies, it is fine to have a successful career, own your home and make your own money. But you still need to create a way for a man to see where he can fit into your life and still feel important,” she writes.

We don’t know about you, but this seems like a throwback to the times when we were supposed to let guys beat us at games and sports just to fuel their egos, then go home and bake a tray of fudge.

Do you think today’s women are too independent?

Read More: http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/personal/06/03/rr.i...

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  • Ves~Sailor Soldier of PHAET 2010/06/11 15:26:21 (edited)
    Ves~Sailor Soldier of PHAET
    +19
    Stupid article. Many independent woman find men, it's stupid that people think woman can not be as independent as men. Why is there always a label on a woman but never a man, if we do not expect men to be a certain way then woman do not have to be a certain way. Sexist societies are just upset they can control people to live lives they way they want them too.

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  • GoDucks5 2015/02/04 22:32:19
    GoDucks5
    If you end up thinking you don't need anyone, then you've became independent. It is good to have a mate. As long as you have a mutual respect. Both partners can be independent though. The man doesn't have to be the sole provider either.
  • wtxwoman 2015/02/04 05:52:23
    wtxwoman
    Togetherness is overrated! Once again, I have achieved aloneness, for a whole month this time. I've got my fingers crossed that it will last this time.
  • ProVega 2015/02/04 04:04:34
    ProVega
    No.
  • Dee 2015/02/04 03:00:18
    Dee
    +1
    Independent women and independent men make great partners. It all boils down to mutual respect.
  • Max7 2015/02/04 01:40:12
    Max7
    +1
    There's nothing wrong with independent women, my grandmother told me when I got married at 18 years of age, that I needed a skill. She told me that all women need to know how to take care of themselves, and she felt that all women should have clerical skills. I got married in 1956, and I took courses in professional administration. At 28 years of age and the mother of three, I was divorced, but fully independent enough to provide and care for myself and my children. Many women have been placed in positions where they had to be independent. I have never been a female that didn't stand up for what I believed in, and if I was in a confrontation with a male, it wasn't about letting him win. The family that I came out of had some strong willed independent women, that seems to trickle down into every generation. My grandmother came from a generation where they didn't believe in letting the left hand know what the right hand was doing. My grandfather was an excellent provider, with a great work ethic, he was the man of the house and my grandmother respected that, but she always had her own!
  • wtxwoman Max7 2015/02/04 05:56:48
    wtxwoman
    +1
    Your grandmother sounds like my mother. She always told us to learn to support ourselves. She didn't want my sister and me to get married, but she didn't believe in sex outside of marriage, so that didn't work. I supported my four kids with the help of my parents and my ex's mother when they were very young. I took jobs that men normally held because they paid better. Both my grandmother's were strong women. My mother's mother raised five younger kids during and after the depression alone when her husband abandoned her. She walked five miles a day to work ten hours in a sewing factory. I have great respect for her.
  • Max7 wtxwoman 2015/02/04 18:11:00
    Max7
    Great family background, the females in your family do sound like my grandmother. Our family didn't believe in sex before marriage either, which is why my grandmother the matriarch of our family, told my mother, if you don't let her get married, she's going to partake in things that married folks do. So at 18 I was married, thanks to my grandmother I was always a very mature young person. My grandmother and grandfather had 13 kids, plus me, my sister and my brother, and he raised each and everyone of us. There was nothing that my grandmother couldn't do, and she wasn't no dummy, and she instructed us to be strong and independent women. My oldest daughter is experiencing a difficult time right now, and mainly because she has allowed her husband to just walk all over her for better than twenty-sum years. It is a sad situation because he would have been out of my life so many years ago, that by now, I would hardly be able to remember his name. We are hoping that she will stand her ground, this girl is a female that ran herself into college, she then pursued a career in the U.S. Air Force, receiving a honorable discharge, and then she worked closed to twenty sum years with the utility company, she has secured her pension from the utility company, and is a veteran of the military a...
    Great family background, the females in your family do sound like my grandmother. Our family didn't believe in sex before marriage either, which is why my grandmother the matriarch of our family, told my mother, if you don't let her get married, she's going to partake in things that married folks do. So at 18 I was married, thanks to my grandmother I was always a very mature young person. My grandmother and grandfather had 13 kids, plus me, my sister and my brother, and he raised each and everyone of us. There was nothing that my grandmother couldn't do, and she wasn't no dummy, and she instructed us to be strong and independent women. My oldest daughter is experiencing a difficult time right now, and mainly because she has allowed her husband to just walk all over her for better than twenty-sum years. It is a sad situation because he would have been out of my life so many years ago, that by now, I would hardly be able to remember his name. We are hoping that she will stand her ground, this girl is a female that ran herself into college, she then pursued a career in the U.S. Air Force, receiving a honorable discharge, and then she worked closed to twenty sum years with the utility company, she has secured her pension from the utility company, and is a veteran of the military and her dead beat husband in all of these years contributed nothing to their household, he has just been living off of the fat of the land, and doing unethical things that has eventually brought them shame and trouble. He's out of her life now, but she feels bad for him. Our family is praying that she'll let him ride off into the sunset, and declare her independence. I think that you and I are blessed to have had the kind of mother and grandmother that was in our lives.
    (more)
  • wtxwoman Max7 2015/02/04 21:47:30
    wtxwoman
    Yep, sounds like we have had similar backgrounds. My mother married at sixteen, my dad was twenty-three. Both their families were large farm families. My daddy didn't run over mother but he drank. I was twelve when she got her last job and told him she wouldn't be signing over her check to him. I thought he was going to pop a blood vessel. I have a granddaughter in the Air Force. She is planning on staying in, I think. She has a good husband, two girls and one on the way. All my granddaughters are doing well, waited until they were in their twenties to have kids. The grandsons, not so smart! All three got girls pregnant while still teens, a couple of the girls underage and one six years older. Crazy! I guess we put most of our efforts into the girls. I didn't want them to go through what I did. My ex was an abusive alcoholic. I spent 17 years with him because my mother didn't believe in divorce. My late husband was a wonderful man. We were married almost 21 years.
  • Max7 wtxwoman 2015/02/05 21:58:35
    Max7
    +1
    This is so ironic, my grandmother was 16 and my grandfather was 21, now days they would put a guy in jail. My mom was 18, and my dad was 20, my father loved us, but he was not a family man. He did better after he got older. My grandfather had a garden for as far as you could see, he had chickens and hogs, plus he was a coal miner, and he and his neighbor swopped vegetables, chickens and hogs for live stock. My grandmother pretty much took care of the home, but she did some light housekeeping, like your mother, what she earned was her's. My mother cleaned for a living, and my dad did very little, he was a slacker. However, I would order things, and we were always surprised, because he would get them, and I would go to where he worked to get money, he and my mother divorced when I was about 11 years old, but my fathers brother would take us skating, and help my mother provide for us. One year we got roller skates, we were so happy, we didn't find out until we were older that my dad had not purchased the skates, my uncle did. I think that was my uncle's way of keeping us in a situation where we had some kind of rapore with our father. My mother was a hard working woman, and she kept us spotless and groomed to the "T." We never wanted for anything, but we were always taught how to...
    This is so ironic, my grandmother was 16 and my grandfather was 21, now days they would put a guy in jail. My mom was 18, and my dad was 20, my father loved us, but he was not a family man. He did better after he got older. My grandfather had a garden for as far as you could see, he had chickens and hogs, plus he was a coal miner, and he and his neighbor swopped vegetables, chickens and hogs for live stock. My grandmother pretty much took care of the home, but she did some light housekeeping, like your mother, what she earned was her's. My mother cleaned for a living, and my dad did very little, he was a slacker. However, I would order things, and we were always surprised, because he would get them, and I would go to where he worked to get money, he and my mother divorced when I was about 11 years old, but my fathers brother would take us skating, and help my mother provide for us. One year we got roller skates, we were so happy, we didn't find out until we were older that my dad had not purchased the skates, my uncle did. I think that was my uncle's way of keeping us in a situation where we had some kind of rapore with our father. My mother was a hard working woman, and she kept us spotless and groomed to the "T." We never wanted for anything, but we were always taught how to appreciate what we had. We grew up always learning how to do things, we had great work ethic's, as young kids, we knew how to honestly earn money, and were proud to be able to save and help purchase our school clothes. The Air Force is a great branch of the service, and it'll probably help your daughter to decide what kind of work she wants to do in life. Even going to school while in the military is an option. The military provides a way for women to become quite independent, plus it's a boost for married couples to get a handle on their finances and family life. Unfortunately, the young women now days don't use as much discipline as we did when we were coming up, and they make it real hard for the young men to abstain from sexual activity. My younger grandson is nothing like his brother, his mom let him get away with too much stuff, now she's paying for it. My children's father was an alcoholic, however, all three of my children have my work ethic, my in-laws were always good to me and my children. My marriage only last 10 years. I tried marriage a 2nd time and barely stayed in it for 3 years. I had to be independent. I came out of a strict and religious family, where we were taught about sex before marriage was a no, no, and divorce was frowned upon, you suffer a lot of mental abuse when you stay in a marriage, and deep within you know that it's over. We grew up having that respect for those that reared us, until eventually you do what you know you need to do. You were blessed because you did at least have the opportunity to have 21 years of a happy marriage.
    (more)
  • wtxwoman Max7 2015/02/06 02:43:53
    wtxwoman
    I feel blessed for having known my late husband. He was ill from a stroke for 15 years of that time and I cared for him. I never regretted it at all because he was such a good man. I feel like I have earned my independence and plan to stay alone the rest of my life. I usually tell people I am alone but not lonely, which is true. With my ex husband putting us through what he did, I was happy that my children achieved adulthood without going to prison. They are all good people, but have their problems. I love them, but am closer to some of my grandchildren than to my children. I think that happens to a lot of people, from what I hear. You seem to have survived your situation well. You should be proud.
  • Max7 wtxwoman 2015/02/06 22:07:48
    Max7
    +1
    I am most sure that God has blessed you in so many ways for how you loved your husband unconditionally and cared for him. You are probably still relatively young, not only are you likeable, but you are loveable. So ou never know, God just might have another endearing relationship waiting in the wings for you. You're so right, many married people live in a home with a lot of people, including their husband and they are lonely and empty. I have been extremely blessed where my children are concerned, and my grands have made me proud by being responsible adults, and pursuing good lives for themselves. However in the department of love, I just don't know what happened, it didn't quite turn out like I would have liked it, but it could have been worse. I think men were never able to understand me. I had high standards set for me and my children, and a lot of what men wanted to put you through, I had no time for them. Plus like I said earlier, a lot of my decisions weren't the best. Nonetheless, when it came to working and raising my family, God has been very good to me. I am very proud of my family.
  • wtxwoman Max7 2015/02/07 05:10:58
    wtxwoman
    +1
    I haven't had an easy life, but I like myself the way I am and I can't imagine how I would have gotten here from there any other way. I think we are both blessed.
  • Max7 wtxwoman 2015/02/07 17:44:33
    Max7
    +1
    My sentiments exactly https://s-media-cache-ak0.pin...
  • wally.west.5220665 2014/10/14 21:49:25
  • SeriousNick 2013/02/13 18:19:44
  • Rob 2012/01/14 03:26:08
    Rob
    +4
    I have absolutely no problem with having a strong, independent woman in my life but as long as she is kind and gentle and loving and caring and funny as well. The most important thing to me in a life partner is that she be those things. I have had my share of bossy women who want to control me and everyone else in their lives ... who wants to be in a relationship with someone who is controlling? An independent woman doesn't want to be with a controlling, bossy man who wants to tell her what to do and belittles women. So by the same ticket I don't want to be with a woman who belittles men (there is some of that among these comments) and tries to control or 'train' me. I know women who describe themselves as 'strong and independent' who also talk about 'training' their men. To me, that's abusive and the kind of behaviour that, in men, led to the feminist movement. After a hard day's work I want to come home to someone who's not like my boss and with whom I can have fun and who cares about me. I also think that being 'strong and independent' for some women means sexual freedom. I don't think sexual freedom is a good thing for either men or women because it results in babies born into emotionally insecure situations, or alternatively, abortions, which despite common belief, is act...
    I have absolutely no problem with having a strong, independent woman in my life but as long as she is kind and gentle and loving and caring and funny as well. The most important thing to me in a life partner is that she be those things. I have had my share of bossy women who want to control me and everyone else in their lives ... who wants to be in a relationship with someone who is controlling? An independent woman doesn't want to be with a controlling, bossy man who wants to tell her what to do and belittles women. So by the same ticket I don't want to be with a woman who belittles men (there is some of that among these comments) and tries to control or 'train' me. I know women who describe themselves as 'strong and independent' who also talk about 'training' their men. To me, that's abusive and the kind of behaviour that, in men, led to the feminist movement. After a hard day's work I want to come home to someone who's not like my boss and with whom I can have fun and who cares about me. I also think that being 'strong and independent' for some women means sexual freedom. I don't think sexual freedom is a good thing for either men or women because it results in babies born into emotionally insecure situations, or alternatively, abortions, which despite common belief, is actually psychologically damaging for the women involved and karmically not great. When I look at old movies from before the feminist era, I don't see many downtrodden women: most female characters are strong women but exude a femininity that is out of fashion these days. Be strong and independent ... please! (Nobody wants a wet dishcloth as a partner!) But don't let that stop you being kind and loving with your loved-ones and PLEASE don't see it as an excuse to belittle men (as a group or individually) as 'useless' as so many people of the feminist generation seem to do.
    (more)
  • kfallslady Rob 2015/02/04 01:53:56
    kfallslady
    nice post
  • wtxwoman Rob 2015/02/04 05:59:57
    wtxwoman
    I agree with most of what you say. My late husband and I worked side by side, doing equal work. He wasn't too good to wash dishes and I know how to change a tire. No normal man should want a rug for a wife.
  • anonymous 2012/01/02 16:45:09
    anonymous
    +2
    absolutely, it seems once women's lib took over it really messed their brain up. they are very nasty, and very money hungry as well.
  • Max7 anonymous 2015/02/04 01:49:37
    Max7
    +1
    I don't believe that to be true of all women, women are being recognized more for their strength and ability to function just as men do. Women are no different than men, some men are perfect, and then there's those that seem they came from the pit of hell. A lot of men feel that women are too agressive, when all they are doing is exerting their independence. I could never appreciate a milly mouse man, and nor could I appreciate a man who lords over me, but one that accepts me as his equal and respects my independence could prove to be a great relationship. I haven't met a woman or a man that the end result of their hard work boiled down to money. Money is usually the name of the game, but not necessarily that you are money hungry.
  • wtxwoman anonymous 2015/02/04 21:50:34
    wtxwoman
    No, most of us just want to get equal pay for equal work, have the same rights and responsibilities as men have enjoyed for millennium. Smart men realize that strong women take some of the load off them.
  • so very much true 2011/12/06 00:59:40
    so very much true
    +3
    the trouble with women today, they have a very bad attitude since many of them are independent and think who the hell they are. they dress and act like filthy pigs, and most of them are. they are not worth meeting, and many of them are lesbians today.
  • Max7 so very... 2015/02/04 01:55:39
    Max7
    +1
    Many women have had bad experiences where "men" have given them cause to have attitudes and the drive to have the independence that you see. How they dress is a matter of choice, not necessarily tht they are filthy pigs, the life style that they have chosen to live doesn't reflect who they are, being a Lesbian is a personal choice. Your comment surely doesn't stand true for all women, there's always exceptions to the rule. You sound a little bitter. Independence usually exemplifies a good thing!
  • Anonymous 2011/03/29 18:41:33
    Anonymous
    +2
    Maybe the men just need to step up their game and act more like men then women in relationships.
  • Max7 Anonymous 2015/02/04 01:56:04
    Max7
    I agree!
  • slim 2010/08/27 15:29:33
    slim
    +5
    Yes. I think women are far too independent nowadays. Now, I am not a woman hater, I am a 28 year old man who started work right out of high school, no degree, and have worked my way up the ladder and now make a very good living. I own my own house, truck, have a dog and a beer fridge in my garage. I want a woman in my life, because all the money in the world doesn't take the place of love. I am not egotistical, I am patient, I do get angry at times, but hey, I'm a guy. I may be independent, but I want to be in a relationship where we are co-dependent.

    The last three relationships I have been in have been with women who don't want a man, they want an accessory. I'm an old fashioned country boy from small town Texas who was raised with a mom and dad who both worked full time jobs and were dependent on each other. My recent girlfreind has no regard for anyone but herself in the relationship, whereas I take into consideration her plans and try to squeeze time for us into her schedule. I'm trying hard to make it work, but if she doesn't want someone in her life, why should I want her? She is 27, well educated, has a job that she can't stand, and has 300 freinds that she constantly has to please. Its hard for me to fit in anywhere. She has vowed to never let anything come between ...

    Yes. I think women are far too independent nowadays. Now, I am not a woman hater, I am a 28 year old man who started work right out of high school, no degree, and have worked my way up the ladder and now make a very good living. I own my own house, truck, have a dog and a beer fridge in my garage. I want a woman in my life, because all the money in the world doesn't take the place of love. I am not egotistical, I am patient, I do get angry at times, but hey, I'm a guy. I may be independent, but I want to be in a relationship where we are co-dependent.

    The last three relationships I have been in have been with women who don't want a man, they want an accessory. I'm an old fashioned country boy from small town Texas who was raised with a mom and dad who both worked full time jobs and were dependent on each other. My recent girlfreind has no regard for anyone but herself in the relationship, whereas I take into consideration her plans and try to squeeze time for us into her schedule. I'm trying hard to make it work, but if she doesn't want someone in her life, why should I want her? She is 27, well educated, has a job that she can't stand, and has 300 freinds that she constantly has to please. Its hard for me to fit in anywhere. She has vowed to never let anything come between her and her freinds because she is "an independent woman and I've worked hard to become this way." I, on the other hand, have a handful of close freinds (5 to be exact) and we are all in the same boat. We have poker night once a month and try to take a fishing and hunting trip a year together. My freinds are manly men. We drink beer, we work on our own vehicles, we know how to fix things and we are true to our word. In my experiences, the independent woman doesn't want a manly man...

    Sorry for the rant, just my $.02
    (more)
  • wtxwoman slim 2015/02/04 21:54:44
  • ♥əmma~*In Padfoot I trust*~♥ 2010/06/20 03:20:25
    ♥əmma~*In Padfoot I trust*~♥
    +1
    A man should feel important because he makes his woman happy, not because he has the job and the wife is his cook. Why can't the woman be the provider? I thought we were getting past that. Women are definitely not too independent.
  • slave 2010/06/19 04:24:42
    slave
    It would be better to be alone and independent than be with a man that will make you suffer your whole life. Sometimes, men caused women to be tough.
  • Jenny 2010/06/15 01:39:42
    Jenny
    umm no that is soo dumb who ever thought of it is totaly sexist :( wtf
  • ME 2010/06/14 21:00:11
    ME
    Sounds like Audrey Irvine listens to Dr. Laura.

    Who says independence and a man don't mix?

    No, I don't think today's women are too independent; rather, I think today's women are smarter and have more opportunity to be independent, with or without a man.
  • Claire Taurus 2010/06/13 13:00:24
    Claire Taurus
    +2
    Get them back in the kitchen.
  • ♥əmma~*... Claire ... 2010/06/20 03:21:40
  • Megan ~ PHAET 2010/06/12 16:24:02
    Megan ~ PHAET
    +2
    Being too independent is bad for both men and women. You delude yourself into thinking you don't need anyone and you end up being a sour-ass. Life is better if you have a mate.
  • Doc Frank stein 2010/06/12 15:09:52
    Doc Frank stein
    +2
    Yep! Far too so...
    Yet there are still women around who are more 'old-fashioned' and like men to take charge.
    I'll 'drink' to them! ;)
  • EscapeVelocity 2010/06/12 13:57:02
    EscapeVelocity
    +1
    Independent isnt the word - we need to actually be more independent considering half the girls I pass in the hallway are gonna be depending on guy's money when they're hookers - but you're probably thinking about controlling. Honestly, I think we still need more girls doing stuff like being president and everything.
  • wolfsan11 2010/06/12 13:07:12
    wolfsan11
    +2
    What's wrong with a woman being independent? Dumb article.
  • i love ... wolfsan11 2010/06/13 08:31:58
    i love sushi
    +1
    I agree to me there's no such thing as being too independent for a woman. I'm pretty sure if I read that article it'd piss me off.
  • wolfsan11 i love ... 2010/06/13 13:49:01
    wolfsan11
    Very true :)
  • Mechild 2010/06/12 09:18:40
    Mechild
    I'm for the most part very independent though I do like to know people will be there for me when I need them and I would like prefer to be in a relationship with someone that is similar to that.
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