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9 Worst Beauty Trends Over Time: What would YOU add that isn't on this list?

the_old_coach 2012/02/26 03:32:48
For all of the plucking and primping ladies (and plenty of men) indulge in,
there is definitely a science to looking good. Want to score a mate? All you
need to project are "full lips, clear skin, smooth skin, clear eyes, lustrous hair, good muscle tone and
body fat distribution," says one distinguished evolutionary psychologist.


Want to kick butt at work? A recent study shows a little makeup goes a long way in terms of
conveying competency on the job. Still, evidence alone doesn't seem to prevent
us from testing the parameters of gorgeousity via wacky new ways to style our
hair and paint our faces, which seem to deliberately contradict the rules of
natural selection. Behold, the worst beauty trends to have emerged over the last
half century.
The Beehive, as seen the 60s girl band, The
Ronettes.
The Beehive AKA "B-52"-1960


Talk about a bomber. After an Illinois hairstylist created this style for
"Modern Beauty Salon," the hives seriously started buzzing and the style came to
epitomize the early '60s for style icons and housewives alike. While the fun
(and the hair) finally died down as the Flower Children emerged, the kitschy 'do
has been spotted more recently on Jean Paul Gaultier's couture runway
collection, which paid homage to the late bee(hive) keeper, Amy Winehouse. But
if "lustrous hair" is a symbol of attraction, what does ultra lacquered hair say
besides "stiff"?


The one and only Elizabeth Taylor.Blue
Eye Shadow-circa 1972


This look is so reviled, beauty expert Paula Begoun even wrote a book about
it ("Blue Eyeshadow Should Be Illegal," for the uninitiated). While
shades of blue worn on the eyes can be traced back to the ancient Egyptians who
used minerals to make pigment, the craze for blue shadow seems to have peaked in
the 70s, as ascertained by the eventual rise of disco, multiple cosmetic ads at
the time and one Farrah Fawcett. We know the look of large eyes may imply youth
and fertility, but an eye shadow O.D. looks more little old lady.


Joyce DeWitt, as mullet-loving
Janet.
The Mullet-1974


"Business in the front, party in the back" helps to describe this infamous
haircut that somehow managed to look sort of cool on early adopters like David
Bowie and Paul McCartney and then went horribly, horribly wrong. While imitation
may be the sincerest form of flattery, as we now know, sometimes mimicry can totally backfire, seen here in the case of Joyce
DeWitt, who played Janet on "Three's Company." Other noted 70s mullets include
Florence Henderson (Carol Brady, on "The Brady Bunch") and David Cassidy. Taylor Dayne rocked two 80s hair don'ts—big hair
and crimping.
Big Hair-circa 1983


You can thank big stars like Dolly
Parton, a little known TV show that went by the name of "Dallas," and later,
various hair metal band members, for a trend that seems to have as many
different iterations as it did cans of hairspray. We're not really sure how
mankind evolved away from this look, though we suspect it could have had
something to do with all that backcombing, which is sure to thin hair, an
undesirable trait in a potential mate.



Joanna Kerns and Tracey Gold had some growing
pains, called, permed hair.
The Perm-circa
1983

Perms can be traced as far back as 1872, and they were commonly used to
beautify women's hair from the 1920s on. But anyone who lived through the 80s
can attest to the all-out craze the home perm became, and just how wrong they
tended to turn out, frying both our tresses and pride in the process. The crazy
curly look certainly came and went, which is a good thing, considering all you
have to do is close your eyes and think back to that accompanying extremely
unpleasant aroma. Who could smell pheromones over that mess?




No lie, Tia Carrere had some serious crimping going
on.
Crimped Hair-circa 1985


Close, kinky cousin of the perm, those who lived to tell the tale couldn't
forget the ubiquitous 80s styling tool that was the crimping iron. Many a cheek,
neck and ear were maimed in the name of achieving MTV rock star-esque
hairstyles, until eventually Barbie herself emerged with a crimped, crackly head
of hair. Barbie, like the rest of us, was smart enough to walk away (eventually)
from this unfortunate craze that seriously damaged and dried out hair, which also happens to be an indicator of age.



Madonna started the over-plucked brow trend in
1992.
Over-Plucked Brows-1992


Speaking of major cultural references, we're going to have to call Madonna
out on this unfortunate trend. Sure, the Queen of Pop was born with a healthy
set of full eye frames, but even if you're royalty, brows thin as we
age. That still doesn't explain why she made them look so thin for her notorious
Girlie Show tour. We love Madge, but we not only prefer her all-out bushy-browed
and proud, now that they're restored, we suspect the feature could help explain
the fact that she seems to be aging backwards.
Kim Mathers, Eminem's klassy sweetheart, sporting
dark lip liner with pale lipstick.
Dark Lip
liner/Light Lipstick combo-circa 1999


Was it Kim Mathers, Eminem's klassy sweetheart? Or perhaps, more likely, the
media's sudden fascination with "chola" subculture? At any rate, this distinct
look is wrong on so many levels-namely the two that don't match, the outline of
your lip and your lips themselves. Men are extremely attracted to women's lips, but red seems
to steal the male gaze, not flesh tones surrounded by coffee brown.



Paris Hilton, basking in the glory of her
too-bronze skin.
Spray Tans-2009


We simply have no choice but to connect the apex of the glossy, glistening
Oompa Loompa-skinned trend to the one and only Lindsay Lohan. This was the year
her $35 spray tan launched, and though its success was not to be-the subsequent
lawsuits were messier than a leaked bottle of bronzer-countless stars and
pedestrians have gone a la orange in the name of glamour. Sadly, the
chemical component that darkens skin, DHA, has been shown to cause contact
dermatitis in sensitive folks. Glamorous, indeed!

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