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5 Subtle Signs That Someone Has Un-Christian Tendencies

Radical Ed 2012/08/18 16:38:22
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It can be hard to determine whether somebody is trustworthy upon
first meeting them. It can be especially hard if the person seems
decidedly un-Christian. I, for one, have been deceased many times by
heathens in disguise. But fortunately for us, there are five subtle
signs that somebody is not to be relied on and only wants to implement
sin in your life.

1. Voice


The other day, for research purposes, I decided to watch an episode
of the uber-liberal NOVA about the dangerous “string theory” phenomenon
that the evil mad scientists are trying to pass off as truth, despite
the fact that it clearly defies what the Bible teaches us about
everything. One peculiar thing I noticed about all of these scientists
they talked to was that they had fairly high voices. I then compared
that to the voices of the Men Of Fox News. It was like all of those
jewish atheist v*gan mathematician hippie professors had all been
sucking helium while they did their satanic math equations! Likewise,
for research purposes, I decided to watch MSNBC. This time, I listened
to the women. They all sounded like teenage boys, which was scary. It
reminded me of the time I was on a bus and I couldn’t tell whether two
people having a conversation were middle aged women or teenage boys.
These androgynous voices are to be feared, so be cautious upon
encountering people with such tonality!


2. The Presence of Black Turtlenecks Adorning Their Body


Ah, Steve Jobs, the turtleneck’s biggest dead fanatic. Steve Jobs was
a huge liberal hippie who believed in cults like buddhism and was also a
v*gan. Much like the NOVA men, it seems, some of whom were also wearing
black turtlenecks. The Matrix. Ninjas. Spies. Black turtlenecks
symbolize the coals of h*llfire and the influence it has over the
heathen in question’s mindset. It now makes sense that all of these
paynim wear black turtlenecks. It represents their connection to stan.
So if you see anyone wearing a black turtleneck, beware, because they’re
probably bad news!


3. Cleavage


If you’ve existed, you may have seen a woman or a homosexual man
showing off too much of their chest. Maybe this woman was wearing a
low-cut dress, maybe this man had unbuttoned the top few buttons of
their shirt. If you’ve ever watched Project Runway for research
purposes, this is especially abundant among the homosexual men they have
on there. During the Country Music Awards, you may have felt a burning
desire to place a blouse over the chests of exhibitionists such as
Taylor Swift and Reba Macintyre. Yes, showing cleavage means that you’ve
given into the temptations of satan and should not be trusted! Thus, be
careful among people like this, as they are fatally dangerous.


4. Computer Skills



Alledgedly, Jim Kong-Il, the evil anti-American, was good with
computers. This reflects a terrifying new trend among the atheist crowd.
Yes, most atheists are nerds, as they say. They speak “binary” instead
of English, reflecting on their bi-curious tendencies. They’d rather
romance a computer than enamor themselves with Jesus. Mark Zuckerman of
Facebook is an individual we can blame for this trend, along with Steve
Jobs, and Bill Gaytes. Perhaps these nerds were feeling socially
inadequate or their parents weren’t taking them to Church enough.
Whatever it is, computers, and the comrades of the computer such as
games like The Sims and Portal 2, have roped in these poor unfortunate
souls to their satanic virtual labyrinth. If you encounter somebody who
displays strong computer skills, beware, because their probably trying
to recruit you to satanism.


5. What Were They Doing In The 80s?


The 80s, or the most sinful time in recent history. But what somebody
was doing in the 80s can reveal great mysteries, as in the mysteries of
whether they should be trusted for anything. If they listened to
Madonna, Blondie and Wham! while wearing neon shorty shorts and getting
AIDS, they’re probably a homogay. If they were off at Harvard or
Princeton getting a PhD in something stupid and useless, they’re
probably an atheist hippie. If they were at Church, Praying for a better
time, or off at work for the Republican Government, they are decent
human beings. If they didn’t exist yet, they are automatically evil
because they don’t understand the inherent sin of that time period. Yes,
the 80s, the prolific satanfest that it was, will reveal everything
you’ve ever needed to know about a person.


These traits can be used to psychologically examine any person you
ever meet, and is very applicable to real life. I have found it to be
very accurate and it will potentially save you from sin if applied
correctly.

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Opinions

  • John Walker II 2012/08/20 11:12:57
    Undecided
    John Walker II
    Ehhhh.... it's satire but... remarkably poor taste in some regards too.
  • Todd The Libertarian 2012/08/20 01:30:04
    i'm offended for some reason
    Todd The Libertarian
    Nobody walking the earth can judge ones christian stripes.
  • TEPP 2012/08/18 21:25:37
    Lulz
    TEPP
    Am I the only person here who gets it?
  • Piper 2012/08/18 17:41:42 (edited)
    Lulz
    Piper
    +2
    Some very good 'points' here. I can't help being impressed, that you have have been deceased many times, and are still here to share them with us. : )
    *edit to add:
    gilda radner saturday night live gifs
  • L1 2012/08/18 17:38:56
    Lulz
    L1
    LOL! It's really anyone that is of Abrahamic faiths; the doctrines are not exactly woman friendly.
  • rawrimamoocow 2012/08/18 17:37:33
    Undecided
    rawrimamoocow
    +2
    Oops. You forgot number 6. They post dumb stuff like this on the internet.

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