WHY MEN ARE HAPPIER PEOPLE.

> WHY MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER
PEOPLE:
>
> Men Are Just Happier People --
> What do you
expect from such simple creatures?
> Your last name stays put.
> The
garage is all yours.
> Wedding plans take care of themselves.
>
Chocolate is just another snack...
> You can be President.
> You
can never be pregnant.
> You can wear a white T-shirt to a water
park.
> You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
> Car mechanics tell
you the truth.
> The world is your urinal.
> You never have to drive
to another gas station restroom because this
> one is just too
icky.
> You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a
bolt.
> Same work, more pay.
> Wrinkles add character.
>
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
> People never stare at your chest
when you're talking to them.
> New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle
your feet.
> One mood all the time.
> Phone conversations are over
in 30 seconds flat.
> You know stuff about tanks.
> A five-day
vacation requires only one suitcase.
> You can open all your own
jars.
> You get extra credit for the
> slightest act of
thoughtfulness.
> If someone forgets to invite you,
> He or she
can still be your friend.
> Your underwear is $8.95 for a
three-pack.
> Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
> You
almost never have strap problems in public.
> You are unable to see
wrinkles in your clothes..
> Everything on your face stays its original
color.
> The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
> You
only have to shave your face and neck.
> You can play with toys all your
life.
> One wallet and one pair of shoes --
> one color for all
seasons.
> You can wear shorts
> no matter how your legs
look.
> You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
> You have
freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
> You can do Christmas
shopping for 25 relatives
> On December 24 in 25 minutes.
> Men Are
Just Happier People
> NICKNAMES
> If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out
for lunch, they will call each other
> Laura, Kate and Sarah.
> If
Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each
>
other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
>
> EATING OUT
> When
the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20,
> even
though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
> smaller
and none will actually admit they want change back.
> When the girls get
their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
>
> MONEY
> A
man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
> A woman will pay $1 for a $2
item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
> BATHROOMS
> A man
has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste,
> shaving
cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
> The average number of items
in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
> A man would not be able to
identify more than 20 of these items.
>
> ARGUMENTS
> A woman
has the last word in any argument.
> Anything a man says after that is
the beginning of a new argument.
>
> FUTURE
> A woman
worries about the future until she gets a husband.
> A man never worries
about the future until he gets a wife.
>
> MARRIAGE
> A woman
marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
> A man marries
a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
>
> DRESSING
UP
> A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty
the
> trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
> A
man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
>
> NATURAL
>
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
> Women somehow
deteriorate during the night.
>
> OFFSPRING
> Ah, children. A
woman knows all about her children.
> She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends,
> favorite foods, secret fears
and hopes and dreams.
> A man is vaguely aware of some short people
living in the house.
>
> THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
> A married man
should forget his mistakes.
> There's no use in two people remembering the
same thing!
> SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and
who can
> handle it ...... and to the men who will enjoy reading
it.