Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and
beat you with experience.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you.... but it's still on the list.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it
in a fruit salad.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then
proceed to tell you why it isn't.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes
a whole box to start a campfire?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said
"Implants?"
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president
and 50 for Miss America ?
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute
to skydive twice.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good...
beat you with experience.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you.... but it's still on the list.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it
in a fruit salad.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then
proceed to tell you why it isn't.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes
a whole box to start a campfire?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said
"Implants?"
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president
and 50 for Miss America ?
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute
to skydive twice.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good...
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and
beat you with experience.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you.... but it's still on the list.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it
in a fruit salad.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then
proceed to tell you why it isn't.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes
a whole box to start a campfire?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said
"Implants?"
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president
and 50 for Miss America ?
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute
to skydive twice.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
that you will look forward to the trip.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even
if you wish they were.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I always take life with a grain of salt.... a slice of lemon....
and a shot of tequila.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
Department usually uses water.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no
imagination whatsoever.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it
as when you are in it.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some
people have more than one child?
(more)beat you with experience.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you.... but it's still on the list.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it
in a fruit salad.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then
proceed to tell you why it isn't.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes
a whole box to start a campfire?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said
"Implants?"
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president
and 50 for Miss America ?
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute
to skydive twice.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
that you will look forward to the trip.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even
if you wish they were.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I always take life with a grain of salt.... a slice of lemon....
and a shot of tequila.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
Department usually uses water.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no
imagination whatsoever.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it
as when you are in it.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some
people have more than one child?
beat you with experience.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you.... but it's still on the list.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it
in a fruit salad.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then
proceed to tell you why it isn't.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes
a whole box to start a campfire?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said
"Implants?"
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president
and 50 for Miss America ?
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute
to skydive twice.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good...
beat you with experience.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you.... but it's still on the list.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it
in a fruit salad.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then
proceed to tell you why it isn't.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes
a whole box to start a campfire?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said
"Implants?"
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president
and 50 for Miss America ?
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute
to skydive twice.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
that you will look forward to the trip.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even
if you wish they were.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I always take life with a grain of salt.... a slice of lemon....
and a shot of tequila.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
Department usually uses water.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no
imagination whatsoever.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it
as when you are in it.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some
people have more than one child?
# Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
# Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
# When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
# Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
# The most important sex organ is the brain.
# false advertising sucks ;P
Frame every so-called disaster with these words. "In five years, will this matter."