Some poems I wrote yesterday.

A different voice than my own

Screams through my throat

That she will not be held down

She will not be ignored

She will not give up fighting

Because

I’m innocent

And ignorant

And she wants to be uncaged.

Another thought

Will they ever stop?

They’re falling on me like raindrops

They come so fast

And fall so slow

But I’m slower

I can’t catch them

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

Promises were meant to be kept

Not broken

But I’m broken

Or at least I was

Until you found me

But sometimes I find myself

Cracking a little

Under the pressure

I can’t lose you

But when I crack I start to break

And if I break, your gone

So how do I stay strong

When I don’t know

What’s going on?

Too much

This is all too much

For me to take

Standing up strait,

I can’t hold on

I can’t be strong

Because my past

Isn’t strong

And my past makes me

Who I am

But I am not my past

Not anymore

Now I’m yours

Just lead me in the right

Direction,

Point me towards your heart

I hate being lost

I hate being lost

I hate being lost

I hate being lost

But I’m lost

Because I lost myself

When I decided to lose

My head.

My head

Is it even on my body?
I can’t feel it

I just feel thoughts

Some of them hurt,

I hate when they hurt,

I hate the cold,

It feels like heartache;

I’m cold, so cold

I think I pushed you

Too far away,

Your too far away

To hold me.

I can’t stand

Being alone

Not when I’ve had

You next to me

Before.

Maybe you

Hate me,

Because I’m

Different. I wont

Lie to you,

I won’t hurt you,

I say that over and over

But I can’t convince myself

Anymore

Because I’m a hurtful person

I’m selfish, I’ve been told.

I love you

That’s the truth

But sometimes

The truth gets shoved

Away because it’s painful.

I won’t hurt you

I won’t try to

But some things

Can’t be helped

And I can’t be helped

And you haven’t figured that out yet

But when you do

When you figure out

That I can’t be helped

(I’m a lost cause

I’m destructive

And this monster

Lives inside me)

It will hurt you

And I can’t stand that

So what the fuck

Am I supposed to do?
I can’t show you this

Ever

You won’t understand

You HAVE to understand,

I love you

I just can’t seem

To love

Myself

And I’m so needy

I don’t want to scare you away

But I scare myself

I hate myself

I hate that I cant

Tell you that I love you

Without it sounding like a lie

It’s just

Sometimes
Honestly

I want it to be a lie

Because

Sometimes

Honestly

I think it’s a lie that you

Love me

Not because I think

You’re a liar,

But because

I don’t understand it

I’m not good enough for you,

I never was, I never

Will be

And everyone knows it

I think you know it

But you don’t want to admit it

I’m rambling

Stupid stupid words

You can never see this

Ever.

You won’t understand

I’m just afraid of getting hurt,

I don’t think you will hurt me

But I I I I

I’m numbing myself out again

Fuck I don’t want to

I want to feel

Everything

I want to love you

I do love you

But I want to feel it

All of it

Even the part that hurts

The part that hurts

When I’m not next to you

When I realize I’m not good enough for you

When I realize that one day you’ll realize

The same thing.

You can never see this

But I think

I’m about to send it to you

Because I can’t do this anymore,

I can’t think

Without knowing

That I’m thinking the wrong thing

Please tell me

I’m just thinking too much.