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Signs You Might Be A Terrible Restaurant Customer

Liza Jane 2011/10/04 19:43:12
Stolen from WaiterRant.net...

50 Signs You Might Be An Asshole Customer

1) You bring your own teabags.

2) You ask for separate checks after you’ve finished your meal. (Yes, you're supposed to inform your server of who's paying for what when you order.)

3) You’re a foreigner who knows the customary tip in the US is 20% but feign ignorance so you can save a few bucks.

4) You bring your own appetizers. (Swear that happened to me once.)

5) You ask “What are the specials?” before your ass hits the chair.

6) After you’ve eaten all of your food you decide you don’t like it and demand a full refund. (Any good manager would just tell you "no.")

7) You ask the waiter for ice, sugar, and lemon and make your own lemonade. (I’ve seen people make their own ice tea too!)

8) You request a list of the CD’s we’re playing on the house stereo.

9) You bring your dog or cat into the restaurant. (Obviously unless your dog is an actual assistance animal.)

10) You arrive on time but your friends are an hour late. You insist on being sat in the dining room but refuse to order anything more complicated than water with lemon and five baskets of bread.

11) You tell the waiter you’re allergic to something when you’re not. (Just because you don't LIKE something it doesn't mean you're allergic.)

12) You bring your cup of Starbucks coffee into the restaurant.

13) You have a $50 dollar gift certificate and a hundred dollar check. The waiter deducts the gift certificate from your total and you only tip the waiter on the remaining $50.

14) You tell the waiter you’re “in the business.” (No one cares.)

15) You demand the best table on Saturday night even though you don’t have a reservation.

16) The check’s $100.01 and you split the check between two credit cards. You get the credit card slip for $50.01 and your friend gets the one for $50. He leaves a $7.50 tip and you leave one for $7.49.

17) You’re late for your reservation and don’t bother to call.

18) You make five reservations at five restaurants, pick one, and don’t bother to tell the others you’re canceling.

19) You’ve paid the check, you have your coats on, but you still won’t leave.

20) You get sat five minutes before closing and say “We don’t want to be rushed.”

21) You have sex in the restroom and don’t clean up after yourselves.

22) You let your sweet little children run rampant throughout the restaurant and think it’s “cute.” (It's rude, control your kids.)

23) You just walk in and sit down, ignoring the hostess. (Don't be surprised when the servers ignore YOU.)

24) You don’t tip the coat check girl.

25) You claim you’re “a friend of the owner.” So what? 5000 people are operating under a similar delusion.

26) You ask if we’ll open on Christmas just for you.

27) You say “Do you know who I am?”

28) You say “Do you know who I work for?”

29) You drunkenly ask the waiter if the Bangladeshi busboy is a terrorist.

30) You praise the waiter to high heaven but leave him 7%. (The Dreaded Verbal Tip!)

31) Even worse, you leave religious tracts instead of a tip. (Tippers go to heaven!)

32) You ask the waiter to fetch you a prostitute.

33) You take twenty minutes to complete the wine tasting ritual.

34) You ask for the “big glasses” when drinking house wine by the glass.

35) You tell the waiter “you’ll take care of him” and then leave him less than 15%.

36) You ask the waiter his or her name only so you can shout it when your martini’s running low.

37) You ask your waitress if her breasts are real.

38) You grab the waiter by the elbow when he or she walks by to get their attention. (Never touch a server. Ever. For any reason.)

39) You make the waiter recite the specials five times.

40) You get so drunk you vomit all over the table.

41) You hand the waiter a dirty diaper.

42) You want to haggle over the prices. (This has really happened to me... he couldn't get the special for $5 less than the menu price and left. Good riddance. Eat at home.)

43) You ask the waiter “How old do I look?”

44) You get mad that there’s a split charge and refuse to pay it.

45) You leave a penny on the table. Go fuck yourself. It’s been done.

46) You ask for sushi at an Italian restaurant.

47) You ask for unreasonable substitutions. (Can I have au gratin potatoes instead of pasta?)

48) You’re so drunk you walk out with both credit card slips.

49) You lost your cell phone but insist the bus boys stole it.

50) You never say “please” or “thank you.”

There are more... many many more things that make patrons of restaurants total assholes. Allow me to add some of my own:

51) If you spill something, at least LOOK like you're going to attempt to take care of it yourself. Don't just stare at the closest restaurant employee and wait for them to do it.

52) You snap your fingers to get your servers attention.

53) You whistle to get your servers attention. (Servers are not dogs.)

54) You take over 20 minutes to read the menu. Get some fucking glasses or have your friend that has the reading comprehension of a 6th grader to read it to you.

55) You get really drunk and when you get the check you try to tell the server that you 'didn't have that many drinks!' (I was at a bar the other night and an actual police officer did this... what a dick.)

56) You respond to "Hello, how are you?" with "Diet coke."

57) You hold up fingers when asked how many are in your party, rather than just saying, "Two." The hostess will give you a horrible table and horrible server just for that, you've earned it. Use your words.

58) You COMPLAIN that your cocktail is too strong.

59) You do nothing to move your purses or drinks when the server is trying to put your plates on your table. (Those plates get HEAVY... if one gets dropped on your lazy lap, blame yourself)

60) You get angry at the server when your credit card is declined.

61) There's only 1 or 2 of you, and you demand a 4 person table in a busy restaurant.

62) Moving your dirty dishes to a clean table next to yours because you've been done eating for thirty seconds and don't want them in front of you anymore. Patience much?

63) You walk into the kitchen, EVER. Unless you're invited by the owner, don't ever, ever do that. It will guarantee that your food is messed with.

64) (This actually happened to me:) You're French and you demand French mustard, when your server asks if you want Dijon mustard you get angry and lecture your server on the difference between French mustard and Dijon mustard. (I found French mustard, it was made in fucking OHIO... asshole.)

65) You call your Hispanic server 'Juan' or 'Jose'... and you don't know if that's their name or not. (The Juan's and Jose's in the back will fuck with your food for doing that.)

66) You interrupt your sever while they're speaking to another table next to yours. Regardless of how you feel, you are NOT the most important person in the entire restaurant.

67) You need three things and you don't ask for them all at once, you ask for them one at a time after each one has been brought to you.

68) You are male and you hit on your female server. If she flirts back, it's just because she wants a good tip from your creepy ass. (Yes, this is a double-standard. Women can hit on male servers, they think it's flattering for the most part.)

69) You leave things in the walking area for servers and other staff to eventually trip over. (I've punted a $2,000 handbag across a restaurant for this. I don't care that your bag is Chanel, I just busted my knee. Fuck your purse.)

70) You complain about your significant other to your server while said significant other is in the bathroom.

71) You seat yourself; unless you're at Denny's or IHOP at 4 am, this is never acceptable. You will be ignored for a while.

72) Your children make a mess all over the table and you do nothing to clean it up before you leave. Unless you leave a FAT tip, you will be remembered as a total asshole.

73) You talk on your cell phone and act annoyed when the server asks your for your drink order, your food order, and if everything is alright.

74) You ask multiple servers for something that you have already asked your server for and is probably in the process of getting it for you. Do you really want 5 baskets of bread? Patience.

75) You ask for extra of anything and don't use it.

76) Your kid gets walked into and knocked over because they're running all over the place and you fuss at the server or staff member who knocked the little shit to the ground. Control your kids.

77) You show up anywhere other than somewhere with a drive-thru window and insist everyone in the restaurant hurries because you have a movie to catch. Go to Wendy's.

78) You get belligerently angry at your server when your food is cooked improperly in a way not visible until you begin eating. Servers don't cook your food, give them a break.
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Top Opinion

  • ken 2011/10/04 20:42:59 (edited)
    ken
    +7
    I'm an excellent tipper, but there are a few things waitstaff can do to cause me to withhold a tip. Being ignored by the waiter/waitress, not getting a refill for my coffee or tea, and not getting what I ordered. I'm not going to send my order back to the kitchen so the cook or the waitress can add a little surprise to my order and I'm not gonna beg for my refill.

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  • Jacqueline Thurbridge 2011/11/07 10:35:43 (edited)
  • Liza Jane Jacquel... 2011/11/07 20:16:17
    Liza Jane
    +1
    LOL yeah, or how about asking for a doggy bag LITERALLY for your dog? People do it all the time.

    I forgot about the bug/hair con artists. A lot of the restaurants I've worked at would just give them a free dessert rather than comping the meal, the mark-up is lower on a brownie lol.

    I hate verbal tips, most servers I've known hear them coming a mile away. "You were so great, what's your name? I'm going to request you when I come back in!" (They won't remember your name, aren't coming back in, and they're going to leave you 10%)
  • Jacquel... Liza Jane 2011/11/08 00:19:39
  • Epistemically Justified -- BN7 2011/10/07 05:41:28
    Epistemically Justified -- BN7
    +1
    I never waited tables, and can't truly sympathize with the things that you must deal with, but I do agree whole-heartedly with the need for parents to control their children.

    The other night I stopped in a neighborhood bar/grill restaurant with a friend briefly for appetizers and drinks. A child was on the floor (hands and knees) in the middle of the restaurant BARKING like a dog. When the staff approached the parents (they did so very politically, pointing out that the child was causing a scene and that other patrons were upset) the parent fussed that their darling little devil was a "free spirit" and the father made it clear that his family wasn't going to be pushed around by people earning less than minimum wage. I was shocked that he actually said that.
  • Liza Jane Epistem... 2011/10/07 06:17:11
    Liza Jane
    +1
    Some people can be dicks... that's for sure. What a jerk.
  • killernick~PWCM~JLA 2011/10/06 00:36:32 (edited)
    killernick~PWCM~JLA
    If you take care of me ... I promise ... I'll take care of you as the waiter / waitress in the end !!!



    1. At least welcome me. A smile goes a long way with me Don't be a dick or bitch

    2. Keep my beverage full

    3. Get my order right ( I know the kitchen fu*ks up .. not your fault)

    4. Make eye contact ever once in a while

    5. And check with me after the food is served and ask if it's alright !!

    6. Make sure my beverage is full ( I know you seen this once)

    7. Check back now and then

    8. If you have to leave and change waitstaff ... tell me !!

    9. Clear the table of clutter

    10. Most importantly ...... You're there to do a service ... Do it with a smile!!!! And Remember I

    will take care of you.... If you take care of me ... And If I do or say something you don't

    like Confront me !!!! So me and you have no ill feelings !! ever



    [Image Removed Due to Copyright Violations]
  • starguide 2011/10/05 16:43:30
  • LittleMistersMom 2011/10/05 15:47:40
  • Liza Jane LittleM... 2011/10/05 17:01:34
    Liza Jane
    +1
    Oh I'm a stickler for bad service too, this is just from the server's point of view. There are some terrible servers out there for sure! I've left terrible tips after receiving terrible service.

    I understand about the menu-reading one. Some people really can't see but it's more aimed at the people who just ignore the menu and take forever to figure out what they want. Cheers, have a nice day! :-)
  • LittleM... Liza Jane 2011/10/05 18:28:00
    LittleMistersMom
    Haha yep! You too. I was a waitress/bartender in college for a while, so I learned real quick how to give good service to get those tips!
  • Dave 2011/10/05 06:04:18
    Dave
    +1
    I am the perfect customer because all I care about is that the waitress/waiter is funny and friendly. I tip 25% most of the time if this happens.

    And the best part is when I return the staff remembers me and I feel like a celebrity or just plain loved by them. I know it's not real, but I like the feeling.

    Side note: I was once seeing this woman (the only woman I truly loved) and I ran into her at this bar. I asked the waitress to spit in the next drink that this woman ordered and she did!
  • Flamingo Flame Gem *AFCL* 2011/10/05 05:43:50
    Flamingo Flame Gem *AFCL*
    +2
    Hilarious , but true......I always try my best to be kind to food servers and resturants. I read the whole story and yes in one of them i actually had a friend who brought her own tea bags to the resturant when she asked for hot water and a cup. I didn't know it at the time and told her it was improper to do so...When we got the bill she beotch about having to pay for the hot water and cup to the food server. I told the food server to give me the food bill and i pulled out my money and paid for the whole order we had.... then i gave the food server a good tip.....Once in the car my friend continued with her beotching and blah, blah, blah, so finally i had enough of her beotching and set her straight. I told her you used a cup and hot water in the tea holder , then you used their sweetner, and asked for a 3 pieces of lemon ( food source ) that constitutes a beverage. Don't let that behavior happen again, and leave your tea bags at home.
  • Rave 2011/10/04 23:55:38
    Rave
    +4
    I hate the tipping culture in America, I actually never DO know how much to tip so I often over tip and end up with no money and I'm already a poor student. Here in Europe they mostly just include the tip on the price, don't set a price on a menu and then expect extra, it doesn't make sense.
  • Liza Jane Rave 2011/10/05 00:02:08
    Liza Jane
    +3
    Trust me, servers don't like it either. They'd rather get paid a flat, fair wage than depend on strangers to just give them money. Unfortunately that's not how things work in America.

    Most restaurants are owned by giant corporations who have bigger and better lobbyists than their employees making $2.32/hour. That keeps the laws in their favor. They don't want to pay their servers a real wage, that's less money they're making with their ridiculously marked-up food. It sucks for everyone but the CEO of Brinker and all the other restaurant conglomerate companies.
  • Rave Liza Jane 2011/10/05 04:51:25
    Rave
    +3
    It's a real shame, I think every work should offer a real set wage and not one where they need to relay pretty much on customers only for their income. But oh well.. I suppose it's pretty much part of the tradition by now.
  • Rogue_Loner 2011/10/04 23:39:28
  • Q 2011/10/04 23:36:41
    Q
    +3
    Wow that's some list ya got there Liza, back in the early eighties I was an asst. manager at a restaurant and shared a house with two waitresses and a bartender so I have seen and heard of more than a few on this list.

    The customer is always right my @ss! Sometimes I'd like to bitch-slap whoever came up with that expression, or at least the people who used to throw it in my face,
  • Flaming... Q 2011/10/05 05:51:59
    Flamingo Flame Gem *AFCL*
    Taco Bell was the one, and since then everyone thinks they are right regardless that they are wrong. Blame it on taco bell
  • RosaG 2011/10/04 23:36:08
    RosaG
    +2
    I think not all of them are THAT bad, like taking your time to read the menu. However, some, like making your own lemonade and all the rude stuff are HORRIBLE!
  • BoomLover 2011/10/04 22:42:40
    BoomLover
    +2
    It won't make up for all the A**holes, but we always leave a good tip...Waiters and waitresses earn every cent of it! I know a guy that is guilty of many of these offenses, went to breakfast with him one time, about 12 years ago...never again!
  • Piper 2011/10/04 21:37:22
    Piper
    +2
    Some of the list is different from when I "served time" as a wait person, but it is a good reminder to customers. The separate checks thing is extremely annoying, when you have a large group of people. How hard is it , really, to figure that out among yourselves? It is very difficult and time consuming for the server......Also, the tip thing is a major issue for some people; they don't seem to understand that most servers in restaurants get payed a pittance. They depend on tips from the people they are serving, to pay their bills. If they are at least are trying to provide good service, they should be tipped well. For me, that is usually at least 20 percent of the bill, but often more.
  • xcheshirecat 2011/10/04 21:31:54
    xcheshirecat
    +2
    I don't agree on this, if it is 2 people :
    2) You ask for separate checks after you’ve finished your meal. (Yes, you're supposed to inform your server of who's paying for what when you order.)


    Why assuming, particulary at lunch, that we are a couple ? And even if we are a couple, by default every one pay his/her own

    Servers don't bring 1 check when I'm dining with a girl friend, shouldn't be either when I'm with a man
  • Yuki ~ ♦Lion King of PHÆT♦ 2011/10/04 21:24:26 (edited)
    Yuki ~ ♦Lion King of PHÆT♦
    +1
    Huh...

    Well, some things I think are actual concerns, and some I don't think are

    All I know is I try to be polite to the waiters, enunciate my words clearly so that they can't possibly mistake my order (I like getting it right the first time), and tip well if nothing goes wrong.

    Maybe it's fortunate that I'm such a plain customer. It's hard to go wrong when someone clearly asks for nothing more complicated than plain spaghetti with melted butter on the side.
  • La 2011/10/04 21:03:46
  • BoomLover La 2011/10/04 22:46:33
    BoomLover
    +2
    That's why I'd rather deal with Australian Women anytime than the men from there....pretty rude dudes....but the women are real sweethearts...
  • La BoomLover 2011/10/07 03:23:16
    La
    :)
  • Jacquel... BoomLover 2011/11/07 11:54:14
    Jacqueline Thurbridge
    Aussie guys will drink you under the table..........screw your sister..........then punch you in the face.
  • Liza Jane La 2011/10/04 23:05:35
    Liza Jane
    +1
    I think the point of #10 is that if your friends are late you shouldn't take up a whole table. When you take up a whole table and nothing is being ordered for an hour that's money you're taking out of the server's pocket because someone who's actually eating and leaving in an hour could come and go by the time the late friends show up.

    LOL thanks, the ones I added are experiences that my fiance and I have lived through... interesting stuff.
  • Q La 2011/10/05 00:08:59 (edited)
    Q
    +3
    "Wanting tips is the equivalent of a homeless guy asking me for change. I've already paid you to do your job, so if you get anything extra, you're damn lucky. If you don't like your wage, work in an industry where they pay more than a pittance."

    WTF! To equate their honest work to that of a homeless person is despicable!

    Never f... with the people who cook and serve you your meals, trust me on this one.
  • La Q 2011/10/07 03:25:30
  • Q La 2011/10/07 03:41:15
    Q
    +1
    Just because you consider it "unthinkable" doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Honestly I haven't worked in a restaurant in over 25 plus years but I doubt that human nature has changed that much, not that I'm saying it's OK, just that it happens.
  • Liza Jane Q 2011/10/07 06:17:44
    Liza Jane
    +1
    People's food gets messed with all.the.time.
  • La Liza Jane 2011/10/07 16:08:30
    La
    That's disgusting.
  • Liza Jane La 2011/10/07 17:34:55
    Liza Jane
    Yes it is. I've seen it in fast food all the way to fine dining. If you piss off the wrong person in a restaurant your food could get dropped on the kitchen floor and put back on your plate... or worse.

    I once had a co-worker who accidentally threw away a bottle of wine after it was decantered for his snobby table at a fine dining restaurant. They treated him like he was stupid the entire meal and insulted the chef at one point. At the end of the meal, when they wanted to pour their wine back into the bottle my friend went right ahead and fished it out of the chef's rubbish in the back of the restaurant, poured the wine back into it, and placed it on their table.

    You really don't want to irritate the servers... lol. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying it happens.
  • La Liza Jane 2011/10/08 02:29:36
    La
    *shrug* I guess, but that's totally unprofessional. If you piss off a lifeguard, they don't let you half-drown. If you piss off a retail girl, she doesn't rip holes in your clothes.

    If you can't handle customers, get out of customer service.
  • snail 2011/10/04 21:00:59 (edited)
    snail
    +3
    Some of those (making lemonade, bringing tea bags) are just signs of being poor and adaptable, possibly because of a bad economy. People who do that are just trying to avoid being stuck at home for every meal, while simultaneously trying to avoid going broke for wanting something to mask the chemical flavor of the nasty city water.



    I sometimes order a single cup of tea in the morning, then sip it for the next ten hours while painting in the cozy chairs at the local coffee shop, getting refills on hot water periodically because it is free. I guarantee if I had another two dollars to spend on a teabag, I would just order a fresh cup every time I ran out. I can't even afford new art supplies right now, let alone more than one cup of two dollar tea per day. Does that mean I should be stuck doing my art while sitting on the sidewalk hoping not to get arrested for loitering, or that I should remain confined to my own room whenever the weather is too bad to do my painting at the park where the junkies hang out?



    No, I follow my inspiration, going where the good vibe is, and fortunately, everyone at the coffee shop knows me by now. Nobody has complained. In fact, it was one of the servers who suggested that I save my teabag to reuse it with free hot water. I've never had enough...











    Some of those (making lemonade, bringing tea bags) are just signs of being poor and adaptable, possibly because of a bad economy. People who do that are just trying to avoid being stuck at home for every meal, while simultaneously trying to avoid going broke for wanting something to mask the chemical flavor of the nasty city water.



    I sometimes order a single cup of tea in the morning, then sip it for the next ten hours while painting in the cozy chairs at the local coffee shop, getting refills on hot water periodically because it is free. I guarantee if I had another two dollars to spend on a teabag, I would just order a fresh cup every time I ran out. I can't even afford new art supplies right now, let alone more than one cup of two dollar tea per day. Does that mean I should be stuck doing my art while sitting on the sidewalk hoping not to get arrested for loitering, or that I should remain confined to my own room whenever the weather is too bad to do my painting at the park where the junkies hang out?



    No, I follow my inspiration, going where the good vibe is, and fortunately, everyone at the coffee shop knows me by now. Nobody has complained. In fact, it was one of the servers who suggested that I save my teabag to reuse it with free hot water. I've never had enough money to tip any of them. There have been times when I had to find lost change on the ground just to afford my one cup a day, but sometimes I draw things for the servers who are especially friendly. The owners have one of my paintings hanging up in the shop, and they even supplied the canvas for me to paint it on.



    When I am done having a social life, I go home and eat my ramen alone in my room, or maybe a potato with some pepper, unless I am fortunate enough for someone else to have bought me something better. I post my art online using someone else's internet connection and a borrowed scanner, with a computer so old that the letters are all worn off of the keyboard and have fingernail grooves in them.



    So, yeah, that is why some of us improvise instead of buying drinks. We're poor. Aside from the classist complaints, some of those made me laugh.



    Who hands the waiter a soiled diaper, anyhow?
    (more)
  • La snail 2011/10/04 21:09:31
    La
    +1
    That's sweet. I'm glad they're nice to you at the shop.
  • BoomLover snail 2011/10/04 22:54:13
    BoomLover
    +1
    Glad they all know you and tolerate you at this favorite hangout you have graced with your presence. Here is a switch, next time, order a pine float, it's even cheaper then having to spend for one tea bag to last the whole day...so you sit there and paint all day, waiters and the rest of the staff cater to you by bringing you fresh hot water all day, you must be one hell of an artist! Here is a concept...how about get a job for at least half the day, to pay for your extravagant life style, instead of looking for spare change on the sidewalk? But then again, you are here in Oregon, and that is tolerated here....Just some gentle ribbing, hope you become famous and sell your art for millions!
  • Liza Jane snail 2011/10/04 23:07:18
    Liza Jane
    +1
    LOL my first job was at a Chili's and women would change their baby's diapers ON THE TABLE AND LEAVE THEM THERE.

    Sorry for the caps... *ahem* (I'm calm now)... yes, people do that. It's insane.
  • snail Liza Jane 2011/10/17 08:24:48
    snail
    That's creepy.

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