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Relationship problems, help??

Sashhha 2012/07/11 23:28:19
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Okay, so I have been dating this guy for over 3 months now, and I really really like him. I'm falling in love with him. He is the perfect boyfriend. He sends me cute little unexpected texts, cares about me so so so much, and is generally so amazing to me. But I just don't feel right with him. He gets extremely over protective about me, and always accuses me of still liking and flirting with one I my ex's. :/ he also always wants me to do 'stuff' with him, which I don't think I'm ready for. I have done things before, I just don't think I am ready to with him. can anyone give me some advice?
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  • Frank 2012/07/11 23:55:31
    WTF. Omg. Okay don't panick.. You should...
    Frank
    +3
    The possessiveness is a warning sign. And if he really cares for you at all- he wouldn't want you to do anything that you are not ready for.

    Tell him you need your space. If he is hostile to that idea- get out now. He needs to respect your needs and wishes.

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  • Sunshine 2012/07/24 14:26:31
    WTF. Omg. Okay don't panick.. You should...
    Sunshine
    The over-protectiveness is a big warning sign. He might be a great boyfriend, but the stuff you mentioned is NOT OK. You also shouldn't feel pressured into things you aren't ready for. I think you should talk to him about it, and if it still happens, that you should break up with him. I'm very sorry this is happening to you, and I hope it gets better.
  • ~*PoliceGirl*~ (>^-^)> 2012/07/13 08:01:10
    You should talk to him about it.
    ~*PoliceGirl*~ (>^-^)>
    ive been with mine since march 13th of last year and he was like that at first
  • dale.wheatley2 2012/07/13 02:32:53
    You should talk to him about it.
    dale.wheatley2
    +1
    i would definatley talk to him
  • Relay 2012/07/13 02:21:00
    WTF. Omg. Okay don't panick.. You should...
    Relay
    +1
    breathe...
    then talk to him... leave him a note or something
  • Philo® ~PWCM~JLA ✩ 2012/07/12 15:20:46
    You should talk to him about it.
    Philo® ~PWCM~JLA ✩
    +1
    First of all, you BOTH need to want to "do stuff" or it's just plain wrong. Second, you are WAY too young to be worrying so about what will assuredly be a short-term relationship. Have fun, but be careful, guard your heart & stick to your morals.
  • shadow76 2012/07/12 14:50:03
    You should talk to him about it.
    shadow76
    +2
    You might want to still take it slow, the jealousy thing is a bit worrisome. It could become a major problem.
  • Ani 2012/07/12 13:40:27
    You should talk to him about it.
    Ani
    hey.., you should spent time with him n talk about that you are not comfortable with him doing those stuff n If he still force you to do that stuff then u must think of your decision again to choose him as your boyfriend .., If I am at your place I will definately do same.., else all depends on you..., just take care of yourself.., n keep smiling .., life is long .., one day u will get the right one for you if he still force you to do...
  • PonToki 2012/07/12 12:26:55
    You should talk to him about it.
    PonToki
    Tell him that he should trust you more and that its wearing on your nerves that he's constantly suspicious. Also tell him that you appreciate him and want to continue to date (if you want to) but that there should be certain boundaries when it comes to doing "stuff."
  • Hukaatir 2012/07/12 12:21:16
    Awk, that is completely normal.. You should..
    Hukaatir
    He's not secure enough in what he has to offer so he's afraid you'll bail on him. He's also a guy and eager to get you into bed. I suggest a serious 1 on 1 with him where you discuss all your concerns. Never do something you feel you are not ready to do.
  • Rie~ 2012/07/12 11:25:35
    Oh gosh, this is complicated. If I were you I would..
    Rie~
    just tell him how i feel about every little thing he wants or does. tell him he needs to trust you more. and that you're not ready for the "stuff".. he'll understand if he trully loves you
  • RasHooD 2012/07/12 10:29:01
    You should talk to him about it.
    RasHooD
    you both like ech othr...so talk about it
  • onetirednurse 2012/07/12 06:18:28 (edited)
    WTF. Omg. Okay don't panick.. You should...
    onetirednurse
    +1
    Sending cute unexpected text doesn't prove he loves you, its something to hold over you.. He doesn't trust you talking to others, he doesn't respect you if he is pressuring you into something you're not ready for. You say something doesn't feel right, your intuition is probably correct. Tread lightly with this one, I see a future control freak. Talk to him, lay out your feelings, if he doesn't respect it then he doesn't deserve you..
  • kay 2012/07/12 06:08:14
    Oh gosh, this is complicated. If I were you I would..
    kay
    guys like that can become possesive which isnt good and can end up pressuring you into things. If I were you i would either tell him to slow down a little or get out.
  • John Duffee 2012/07/12 05:40:28
    You should talk to him about it.
    John Duffee
    That's not so much over-protective as jealous.

    You should go ahead and look up the warning signs of an abusive relationship as well as have a trusted friend who knows the score also check into such things.

    You need to get to the bottom of those accusations and lay down your comfort zone and boundaries
  • Carl 2012/07/12 04:07:41
    Oh gosh, this is complicated. If I were you I would..
    Carl
    Drop him quick!!! It will only get worse.
  • Anna 2012/07/12 04:00:42
    You should talk to him about it.
    Anna
    Explain to him that you're not interested in any other men, exs or otherwise, and that you'd like him to easy off on the protectiveness. And if you're not ready to be sexual with him yet then don't be, he'll just have to wait util you're ready. If he can't deal with any of this then he's a prick and not the perfect boyfriend you see him as. However don't freak out until you sit down and talk with him and give you both a chance to say your position and feelings on the matter.
  • Nam Era Vet #1 DNA TLC 2012/07/12 02:34:05
    Oh gosh, this is complicated. If I were you I would..
    Nam Era Vet #1 DNA TLC
    If you want a grandpas advice, he is getting very jealous. Might be better to take it very slow to give time to discover his real personality. Guys can fake being nice for a while. But the ones with the "beast" (JEALOUSY THAT LEADS TO ABUSE) will come out eventually.
    Grandpa says take your time.
  • La 2012/07/12 02:22:36
    You should talk to him about it.
    La
    +1
    Well, you're 15, so I imagine he's around your age, and guys mature slower than girls so the jealously and accusations are just a sign of his immaturity. If he keeps it up and won't trust you, and if he continues pressuring you to do things you don't want to do, you should leave him. Love can be an illusion. But really, talk to him about it. See if you can come to some sort of agreement.
  • cmdrbnd007 2012/07/12 02:19:21
    Oh gosh, this is complicated. If I were you I would..
    cmdrbnd007
    +1
    It worries me that he is so jealous and so controlling. Those two can be a very bad combination. Also, don't do anything until you are ready. If he is trying to pressure you into it then he isn't the right guy for you. Take your time, it's your life and your choice. Be careful with this one.
  • justagudguy~PWCM~JLA 2012/07/12 02:17:00
  • Linnster 2012/07/12 02:13:46
    WTF. Omg. Okay don't panick.. You should...
    Linnster
    None of these answers are what I would have chosen, but from what you've explained, this guy wants to control who you see, who you talk to and what you do. The more you give in to him, the more control he will exercise over you. That isn't love. If he can't respect that you aren't ready to "be" with him and pressures you about it, this is not the guy for you. I'd get out as quickly as I could.
  • Mrkando 2012/07/12 02:11:00
    Oh gosh, this is complicated. If I were you I would..
    Mrkando
    What you describe has all the symptoms of a very controlling person. If that is true you DO NOT want to continue this relationship. First he should never accuse you of anything let alone flirting with your ex. At this point he is just a boyfriend and has no claim to you other than like you. Second he should never ask you to go where you do not want to go. If you do not feel right about that then he should respect that and never bring it up again.
    If you say no then that should be it. If he continues it is a very good sign that he is after that alone and you come second. If he truly cares for you he will respect that.

    Most controlling people can seem like they are really great when you first get to know them but after while these signs begin to show up. But you have seen nothing yet should you go all the way to marriage. He could be a completely different person and I can tell you you will not like that other side. I have learned this from my wife. Her first marriage was exactly that. He was fantastic right up until they got married and he then took control of her life and it was never the same. You never ever want to go there.

    The most important thing to keep in mind is that when you feel something is not right with a relationship it is time to back off and really pay atten...
    What you describe has all the symptoms of a very controlling person. If that is true you DO NOT want to continue this relationship. First he should never accuse you of anything let alone flirting with your ex. At this point he is just a boyfriend and has no claim to you other than like you. Second he should never ask you to go where you do not want to go. If you do not feel right about that then he should respect that and never bring it up again.
    If you say no then that should be it. If he continues it is a very good sign that he is after that alone and you come second. If he truly cares for you he will respect that.

    Most controlling people can seem like they are really great when you first get to know them but after while these signs begin to show up. But you have seen nothing yet should you go all the way to marriage. He could be a completely different person and I can tell you you will not like that other side. I have learned this from my wife. Her first marriage was exactly that. He was fantastic right up until they got married and he then took control of her life and it was never the same. You never ever want to go there.

    The most important thing to keep in mind is that when you feel something is not right with a relationship it is time to back off and really pay attention to what is going on. Too many people do not and end up divorced not long after they are married. You have this feeling that something isn't right and you really need to pay attention to that. It will save you a lot of pain in the future if you do.
    (more)
  • Vision of Verve 2012/07/12 02:00:48
  • luna 2012/07/12 01:58:42
    You should talk to him about it.
    luna
    Jealousy... That's all over my guy... Lol and in not the jealous type at all... If you can see yourself being with this guy forever then work it out if not cut it off... But if it's worse than what u put up back out now... Message me about it and I can tell u some more if u like it all really depends on the guy mine is a sweetheart just really jealous but after a few talks he's gotten more understanding
  • LunarRain 2012/07/12 01:57:14
    You should talk to him about it.
    LunarRain
    Let him know these things if he wants to be with you he will understand and you guys can think of a solution together. Don't beat around the bush you got to be straight forward say exactly what you mean this will help by not making other problems by misunderstandings.
  • Dark Angel 2012/07/12 01:54:04 (edited)
    You're screwed aha
    Dark Angel
    +2
    I think he is a stalker in the making. My sis had a bf like that and it got to the point where she wasnt allowed to hang with her guy friends and had to spend ever momment with him or he freaked and after they broke up he started showing up at her work and drove by our house and he even followed her to pick me up from church. Pull back and be careful. dont trust that all the sweet things he said are sincere.
    And if he isnt a stalker in the making then hes a player and hes prob just gonna use you and then find someone else to use.
  • YourGurll<3 2012/07/12 01:48:52 (edited)
    You're screwed aha
    YourGurll<3
    +2
    He is a player, he knows the right things to say to you, that's why you're falling in love. Yes you should talk to him. But i don't think a "perfect boyfriend" shouldn't force you into things you don't want to do.
  • the Supreme 2012/07/12 01:27:01
    Awk, that is completely normal.. You should..
    the Supreme
    get out as fast as you can
  • Dagon 2012/07/12 00:47:45
  • SlaveWaterNymph 2012/07/12 00:32:38
    You're screwed aha
    SlaveWaterNymph
    +1
    welp this is not a healthy relationship. If you can not see he is abusive, then it is up to you to be with someone like that. I think you need to get out of the relationship as fast as you can.
  • Hula girl - Friends not Fol... 2012/07/12 00:31:44
    You should talk to him about it.
    Hula girl - Friends not Followers
    First of all in all your relationships listen to your gut. You can love someone and you can like someone a lot but make sure you are "In Love" with that person. Make sure you have chemistry with that person as that chemistry should pull you through the good and the bad times in a relationship. You are young yet so flattery also aids in helping you thing you might love someone but if you don't feel it then don't give it away.

    Also, if a guy is jealous you nip that in the bud right off the bat as that's an insecurity issue with themselves and not something to be burdened with. There are those that are jealous that also use it to control.

    I'll put up with it only one time and that's it if they don't change. If they don't trust me then it's not a relationship I want to be in.

    This is a good book for all relationships you go through in life.

    settle for more
  • Huki68 2012/07/12 00:23:26
    You're screwed aha
    Huki68
    +1
    Not the One...
  • ~Here Comes The Sun~ 2012/07/12 00:19:02
    You're screwed aha
    ~Here Comes The Sun~
    dump him, ur worth more thn that... TRUST is one of the best things in a relationship. i had that once n my ex was going around with women... i didnt bother, but when i was with guy friends, he would get jealous... i had to break up with him...
  • CwrazyLwina 2012/07/12 00:12:55
    WTF. Omg. Okay don't panick.. You should...
    CwrazyLwina
    Talk to him, first of all. If he doesn't stop, then you might not want to stay with him...
    Lot of possesive guys are the woman beaters..
    Unless he's right! Then...stay with him, he's lovely!
  • Mecynogea 2012/07/11 23:57:01
    Oh gosh, this is complicated. If I were you I would..
    Mecynogea
    +2
    First, talk to him. If he doesn't understand, stop dating him.
  • Scott (o)(o) 2012/07/11 23:55:43
    You're screwed aha
    Scott (o)(o)
    +2
    RUN FORREST RUN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Frank 2012/07/11 23:55:31
    WTF. Omg. Okay don't panick.. You should...
    Frank
    +3
    The possessiveness is a warning sign. And if he really cares for you at all- he wouldn't want you to do anything that you are not ready for.

    Tell him you need your space. If he is hostile to that idea- get out now. He needs to respect your needs and wishes.
  • jc 2012/07/11 23:50:36
    You should talk to him about it.
    jc
    +1
    But,also keep in mind that most people don't change.If you can't overlook the things that bother you about him,you may want to start detaching now.
  • Mike 2012/07/11 23:49:12
    You should talk to him about it.
    Mike
    +1
    You are “falling in love” but not quite there yet. As for your friend, he is in lust. If he loves you, he should wait for your lust to blossom for him. The problem with us guys, we have two heads and one does not think as clearly as the other.
  • Sinister Ken Doll™ 2012/07/11 23:47:04
    You should talk to him about it.
    Sinister Ken Doll™
    +1
    try to set him at ease about the jealousy by explaining how you are only gonna be with him for the duration of your guy's relationship

    also, it's really important that you guys talk about "stuff" and what your boundaries are, cuz this can get really blown out of proportion later, and if he's not happy with them, then i would consider leaving if he can't look past the boundaries or doesn't believe that you don't have feelings for your ex

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2014/10/20 09:45:52