Punned
Dub
2011/10/01 22:40:44
1. Two
antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much,
but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper
cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start
anything."
3. Two peanuts walked into a bar, and one was a
salted.
4. A dyslexic man
walked into a bra.
5. A man walked into a
bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and said, "A beer please, and one for
the road."
6. Two cannibals were eating a clown. One asked the other,
"Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green,
Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it
common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows were standing next
to each other in a field. Daisy said to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated
this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true; no
bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
9. An invisible man married an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that
you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers
the other day, but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital
after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my
legs!" The doctor replied, "I
know. I amputated your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood
disco last week, and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no
eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swam into a concrete wall. One turned to the
other and said, "Dam!"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that
you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess
enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing
their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour,
the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But
why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said. "I can't stand
chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman had identical twins,
but gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a family in Egypt , and was
named 'Ahmal.' The other went to a family in Spain , and was named 'Juan.'
antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much,
but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper
cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start
anything."
3. Two peanuts walked into a bar, and one was a
salted.
4. A dyslexic man
walked into a bra.
5. A man walked into a
bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and said, "A beer please, and one for
the road."
6. Two cannibals were eating a clown. One asked the other,
"Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green,
Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it
common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows were standing next
to each other in a field. Daisy said to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated
this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true; no
bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
9. An invisible man married an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that
you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers
the other day, but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital
after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my
legs!" The doctor replied, "I
know. I amputated your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood
disco last week, and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no
eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swam into a concrete wall. One turned to the
other and said, "Dam!"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that
you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess
enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing
their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour,
the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But
why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said. "I can't stand
chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman had identical twins,
but gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a family in Egypt , and was
named 'Ahmal.' The other went to a family in Spain , and was named 'Juan.'
Years later, Juan sent a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband
that she wished she also had a picture of Ahmal.
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband
that she wished she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responded, "They're
identical twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!"
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as
you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of
calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and,
with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super-calloused
fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped
from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.
21.
And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends,
with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten
did.
identical twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!"
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as
you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of
calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and,
with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super-calloused
fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped
from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.
21.
And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends,
with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten
did.
someone's been into the Spider Robinson again.