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Pirate Jokes (no... this isn't a slam against the pirate groups)

Melicious Kiss of PHAET 2011/10/11 20:41:24
Please share your kid friendly pirate jokes here. My son's school is having a literacy night and it is Pirate themed.

Thanks.

Mel


How much did the pirate pay for his piercings? A Buck an ear.

What is a pirate's favorite sock? Arrrgyle.



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  • Razzy Ratchets 2011/10/11 20:56:35
    Razzy Ratchets
    +10
    What is a pirate's favorite section of the newspaper?
    The CARRRrrtoons!


    What do Jewish Pirates say?
    Ahoy vey!

    Awful! I love it!

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  • The Potato Princess 2011/10/12 18:59:35
    The Potato Princess
    +1
    Why don't most pirates know the alphabet?
    Because they could spend years at sea(C)!
  • Lynn 2011/10/12 18:41:49
  • Ruby Dear - The Fangirl of ... 2011/10/12 16:55:44
    Ruby Dear - The Fangirl of PHAET
    +2
    What did the pirate name his daughter?
    Peggy.

    Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
    Because they can spend years at C!

    And a couple for the adults:

    What's a pirate's worst nightmare?
    A sunken chest and no booty!

    How did Captain Hook die?
    Jock Itch.
  • Ramon 2011/10/12 04:47:58
    Ramon
    +3
    Have you heard about the new pirate movie?.......... It’s rated AARRRRGGH!
  • Ves~Sailor Soldier of PHAET 2011/10/12 03:44:23
    Ves~Sailor Soldier of PHAET
    +3
    How long is a pirate's plank?
    A YARRRd!!!


    A pirate was standing on the crow's nest and then he slipped and fell. He fell through the first floor, then he fell through the second floor, then he fell through the third floor and hit the bottom floor of the ship!

    The first mate comes up to him and asks "Are ye all right matey?"

    The pirate replies, "Arrr, yes... I've been through hardship before!"


    A pirate with an eye patch seemed down at a bar. The bartender asked, "What's wrong?" The pirate replied, "Arrrgh, they wanted me to be a teacher... but I only had one pupil!"

    What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer?
    Shiver me timbers!

    What did the pirate say to man who insulted him?
    I know you ARR, but what am AYE?!!!!
  • Melicio... Ves~Sai... 2011/10/12 15:14:55
    Melicious Kiss of PHAET
    +3
    *giggles* They boys just asked me why was I laughing. I read them the teacher joke and they both looked at me blankly. Then I explained it, and Braden says.. "oh I thought you meant a pupil" and pointed to his nipple.

    I am crying.
  • Ves~Sai... Melicio... 2011/10/12 15:47:56
    Ves~Sailor Soldier of PHAET
    +2
    LMAO!!! Ahhhh omg that is too funny!!
  • Melicio... Ves~Sai... 2011/10/12 15:50:50
    Melicious Kiss of PHAET
    +2
    It made me giggle all over again. That silly boy.
  • Ves~Sai... Melicio... 2011/10/12 16:07:16
    Ves~Sailor Soldier of PHAET
    +2
    Hahaha yes I giggled again myself :P
  • Fillmore 2011/10/12 03:34:33
    Fillmore
    +4
    Why don't pirates ever buy houses?
    Because they hate YARRRRRRRdwork!

    What be having 8 eyes and 8 legs?
    I say nay, it not be a spider... but it be four pirates! Aarrr!!!!
  • Xerxes 2011/10/12 01:06:36
    Xerxes
    +1
    **(goan)**
  • The Winter Sodahead 2011/10/11 22:17:05
    The Winter Sodahead
    +4
    What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?
    RRRRR
    What's a pirate's favorite restaurent?
    Arrrrby's
    What's a pirate's favorite element on the Periodic Table?
    Gold
  • Melicio... The Win... 2011/10/11 22:18:21
    Melicious Kiss of PHAET
    +2
    Squeee!! Love it!
  • Pixie·Ÿ... The Win... 2011/10/12 00:36:17
  • BLT ^MOTOOP^ 2011/10/11 21:19:43
    BLT ^MOTOOP^
    +4
    What do you call a happy flag?
    A Jolly Roger

    What dit the pirate cowboy wear on his head?
    A ten Galleon Hat.
  • Melicio... BLT ^MO... 2011/10/11 22:18:34
    Melicious Kiss of PHAET
    +2
    Yay!!! These made me laugh.
  • F'ing!A!Proud!2beAnAmerican... 2011/10/11 21:15:50
    F'ing!A!Proud!2beAnAmerican!Vet!
    +5
    The first mate came to the captain,"Cap'n, we've got a Royal Navy ship, approaching fast, what shall we do?" He replied " have the cabin boy fetch my red shirt." "Aye, Cap'n" and the red shirt was given to the captain. The battle went well, and after it was over, the first mate asked "Cap'n, why did you ask for your red shirt?" He replied "If I was wounded, the men would not see, and be brave and keep fighting!" The next morning, there were 30 Royal Navy ships bearing down upon them! The captain shouted to his first mate when he saw what they were up against" Bring me my Brown trousers!!!" My son loved it!
  • Melicio... F'ing!A... 2011/10/11 21:16:30
    Melicious Kiss of PHAET
    +3
    *giggles*
  • Yuki ~ ♦Lion King of PHÆT♦ 2011/10/11 21:00:35
    Yuki ~ ♦Lion King of PHÆT♦
    +5
    The way I heard it, the price on a pirate's head is a buck-an-ear. (Buccaneer)
  • Razzy Ratchets 2011/10/11 20:56:35
    Razzy Ratchets
    +10
    What is a pirate's favorite section of the newspaper?
    The CARRRrrtoons!


    What do Jewish Pirates say?
    Ahoy vey!

    Awful! I love it!
  • Melicio... Razzy R... 2011/10/11 20:57:22
    Melicious Kiss of PHAET
    +4
    LoL I love really bad jokes.
  • mariner Razzy R... 2011/10/12 01:49:29
    mariner
    +2
    I find this very unfunny and totaly pirateist - am generally outraged!!! he he he
  • Razzy R... mariner 2011/10/12 11:53:57
    Razzy Ratchets
    +2
    Sorry, my love. I will desist immediately!
  • Astro-Boy PHAET 2011/10/11 20:56:17
    Astro-Boy PHAET
    +7
    I don't know any. Not too good at telling jokes..
  • Melicio... Astro-B... 2011/10/11 20:56:50
    Melicious Kiss of PHAET
    +7
    Awww... that's okay. :) I still love ya!
  • Astro-B... Melicio... 2011/10/11 21:02:16
  • Michael... Astro-B... 2011/10/11 21:00:16
    Michael McFascist
    +7
    oh my god me neither...I can tell mildly amusing anecdotes...but I screw jokes up for some reason.
  • Astro-B... Michael... 2011/10/11 21:02:12
    Astro-Boy PHAET
    +3
    Yeah...same here.
  • DavidAdams Astro-B... 2011/10/12 01:11:16
    DavidAdams
    +2
    I never get the delivery down and can hear a pin drop after telling a joke.
  • ☆SPIDERPIECES☆: HERO of PHAET 2011/10/11 20:53:41
    ☆SPIDERPIECES☆: HERO of PHAET
    +4
    What do you call a person who robs and commits illegal violence at sea or on the shores of the sea and has 20 eyes?

    a piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirate!

    I tried.
  • Melicio... ☆SPIDER... 2011/10/11 20:55:31
    Melicious Kiss of PHAET
    +3
    baby face palm

    teeehee
  • The Potato Princess 2011/10/11 20:45:03
    The Potato Princess
    +7
    Why couldn't the pirate go to the movie?
    It had a lot of booty in it and was rated ARRRG!
  • Melicio... The Pot... 2011/10/11 20:46:04
    Melicious Kiss of PHAET
    +4
    yay!!! I love it!! :)
  • The Pot... Melicio... 2011/10/11 20:46:28
    The Potato Princess
    +4
    Yay! :D

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2014/11/27 09:40:12

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