My Last Trip to Costco

Yesterday I was at COSTCO buying a LARGE bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in the ICU with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her it was essentially a Perfect Diet, and the way it works is you put Purina Nuggets in your pockets and just eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I was going to try it again (I should mention that by now practically everyone in line was enthralled with my story).

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.