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My 15yr old son just got arrested for shoplifting this is his1st offence. Do I let him go to juvie or pick him up?

sp007 2008/11/27 03:09:38
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I have always told my boys if they ever got into this kind of trouble they would have to sit it out in "Juvie". Never did I think it was going to be this difficult to sit and do nothing especially over the holiday weekend. I hope that he is scared straight. However, my son is a follower and not a leader. I am afraid this may backfire. I want to teach him a lesson. Is this the way to do it? Thus far he is on his way to Juvie. I told the police I refused to pick him up in hopes that it would teach him lesson. Do I stand by my word and give him tough love or pick his ass up and deal with him at home?
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  • Aephi 2008/11/27 23:59:11
    Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
    Aephi
    +7
    A kid will never learn of his/her mistakes if you bail them out of every little problem they are facing...it will teach him responsibility for his mistakes. You got to be tough right now for your son :)

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  • EF EMEFER 2008/11/28 01:27:10
    EF
    +4
    Dads are not friends they are Dads and have the responsibility to teach their children.
  • trainfan EMEFER 2008/11/28 01:48:11
    trainfan
    +2
    That is where parents go wrong, being a freind instead of parents
  • Pissed ... EMEFER 2008/11/28 02:47:49
    Pissed off contractor
    +2
    It is a time like this that he needs a dad, not a friend. His friends are probably how he got in this mess. Let him see how the law handles criminals, and then let him suffer the consequences when he comes home. Hopefully after all of this there will not be a second time.
  • kydso EMEFER 2008/11/29 02:50:25
    kydso
    That is what is wrong now days. You are a parent first then a friend.
  • BOOGIE-WOOGIE-MUSIC-MAN-ROC... 2008/11/28 01:17:03
    Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
    BOOGIE-WOOGIE-MUSIC-MAN-ROCK-N-R
    +3
    I wouldn't ask someone else to do what I wouldn't do. my kids know exactly what I will do cause my yes is yes and my no is no.

    I know how You are hurting because its the time of year to be happy. Try not to let this factor disturb Your decision. for you have already told him what will happen.

    If he gets blue and depressed, order him some help so he will be a peaceful adult one day.

    Not being bossy, But I know you love that Kid and want what is best for a good strong character.
  • EF BOOGIE-... 2008/11/28 01:29:45
    EF
    +1
    The kid didn't think of the time of year so that shouldn't be a factor.
  • BOOGIE-... EF 2008/11/28 02:01:49
    BOOGIE-WOOGIE-MUSIC-MAN-ROCK-N-R
    +1
    Thank You for bringing that to my attention
  • EF BOOGIE-... 2008/11/28 07:32:06
    EF
    +1
    Yes, I believe the Holidays have to be important to him and for him to make it good for his family. That shows his responsibility. Once I was out of town for a few days and when I got home my 15 year old son had cut his hair in a mohawk. It was 3 days before school pictures. Needless to say he didn't get to have a school picture that year. Bummed me out to not get a picture that year but those were the consequences. Tough love.
  • Pissed ... BOOGIE-... 2008/11/28 02:52:07
    Pissed off contractor
    +2
    I'm shure that the rest of the family is also suffering without him home. He didn't care about that when he did what he did. Let him think about all of this while he sits in juvie.
  • BOOGIE-... Pissed ... 2008/11/28 02:59:24
    BOOGIE-WOOGIE-MUSIC-MAN-ROCK-N-R
    +3
    You are right. I raised 3 of my own and a bunch of somebody elses. and it didn't hurt them to spend some time with the city government.

    'Right on."
  • Pissed ... BOOGIE-... 2008/11/28 03:13:59
    Pissed off contractor
    +2
    Years back I ended up with my ex girlfriends 16 yr old son for this very reason, she could not control him because she could not be a parent. He later ended up in the military and thanks me for being there for him. Even today, 14 years later he respects me more than his mom. You need to be fair but tough and teach them that there are boundries and consequences in life.
  • BOOGIE-... Pissed ... 2008/11/28 03:36:58
    BOOGIE-WOOGIE-MUSIC-MAN-ROCK-N-R
    +3
    you did real good, i was tough on mine and now, I can relax and enjoy my life. lOL
    They know that You care because you were strong enough.

    .
  • Pissed ... BOOGIE-... 2008/11/28 04:02:53
    Pissed off contractor
    +3
    Good for you, it is nice when you can look back and see that you did the right thing. When they are grown, thats the time to be a friend, to many parents try to be a friend when they are impressionable. They need consistency and boundries while growing up.
  • ~@z3!~ 2008/11/28 01:10:38
    Undecided
    ~@z3!~
    +1
    because if you leave him he will hate you and if you pick him up he will probably not listen to you.
  • EF ~@z3!~ 2008/11/28 01:31:11
    EF
    +3
    I don't think he will hate, I think he will respect and think twice before he does it again because there will be no to bail him out.
  • Pissed ... ~@z3!~ 2008/11/28 03:04:40
    Pissed off contractor
    +2
    I don't think he will hate his dad, but hopefully he will hate the situation enough not to put himself in it again. It sounds like his dad was very clear about what the consequences would be if he messed up. I think that the man loves his son very much or he would not have posted this question and be struggling with the choice he needs to make. When the anger dies down I think that the boy will have respect for his dad.
  • kydso 2008/11/28 01:03:54
    Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
    kydso
    +4
    A parent that has been there. Let them be treated like an adult...never happened again! Scared the crap out of him!
  • hunter 44 2008/11/28 00:55:43
    Pick him up because he needs a Dad right now.
    hunter 44
    +2
    At his age the only thing he will learn at juvie is how to dodge the law next time. Tough love needs to be applied by dad at this point not the goverment.
  • EF hunter 44 2008/11/28 01:33:00
    EF
    +4
    I don't think so. You break the law you are in the laws hands and he needs to learn that. Dad can still tighten the rules at home when he does get out.
  • hunter 44 EF 2008/11/28 16:45:09
    hunter 44
    Tightneing the rules at home won't matter much if he decides not to be at home.One of the first things he will learn at juvie.
  • EF hunter 44 2008/11/28 16:53:29
    EF
    I didn't say his Dad doesn't have his work cut out for him.
  • *punk bitch*~ in sex I trust~ 2008/11/28 00:48:31
    Pick him up because he needs a Dad right now.
    *punk bitch*~ in sex I trust~
    +1
    everyone makes mistakes but he needs to be punished for his rong doings. right now he needs a dad.
  • Armygeek 2008/11/28 00:42:48
    Pick him up because he needs a Dad right now.
    Armygeek
    +3
    I think because it's a first time offense you should pick him up. Let the courts slap him with a very hefty fine of community service and he will see what crime gets him. He sounds lost and if you leave him their he may feel you don't love him. Go get him and show him you love him and care for him, but that you don't approve what he has done. Love first, punishment later. Good luck.
  • EF Armygeek 2008/11/28 01:38:18
    EF
    +3
    Tough love is just that, Love. Who said the kid thinks his Dad doesn't love him. He screwed up and needs to learn that taking what does not belong to you, has consequences. His Dad is doing the right thing by leaving him there to fact the music he created.
  • Armygeek EF 2008/11/28 04:47:42
    Armygeek
    +1
    Everyone is entitled to a mistake. It even says in the bible those without sin may cast the first stone. Just by him going to jail is enough of a lesson for shoplifting. If it was stealing a car or something else I would say something different. I only say this because in the past I was in his shoes and I know if my parents left me in jail, I would have felt differently about them. I turned out just fine and I learned a valuable lessen that day.
  • EF Armygeek 2008/11/28 07:41:16
    EF
    +2
    Shoplifting is not a mistake, it is breaking the law. A mistake is forgetting to tell the waitress you want wheat bread and you get served white bread.
    Shoplifting is a crime that he consciously did, it's an action and shows little respect for other peoples property. It is important a lesson gets taught here for his future.
  • Armygeek EF 2008/11/28 15:10:09
    Armygeek
    If your logic was true then why do most criminals who get out of prison end up doing the same crime again and end up returning to prison? I would be more inclined to say give the kids stuff away to homeless people or do hours of community service to teach him a lesson vs letting him sit in jail. It's not like the guards are going to talk some sense into him while he is their. I am ex military I know the value of punishment, but what good comes out of sitting in jail? I use to have my soldiers clean the barracks during their off time for punishment (45/45 for those who are military you will know what that means), not let them sit in a cell.
  • trainfan Armygeek 2008/11/28 01:42:38
    trainfan
    +3
    Why not leave him there and make it the last time?
  • Armygeek trainfan 2008/11/28 04:47:59
    Armygeek
    +1
    Read my comment above
  • trainfan Armygeek 2008/11/28 01:50:12
    trainfan
    +3
    Why let there be a second time?
  • Armygeek trainfan 2008/11/28 04:48:23
    Armygeek
    Read my comment above to EF.
  • SPAZ is Back 2008/11/28 00:40:01
    Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
    SPAZ is Back
    +3
    OH Honey, I was where you are right now about a month ago. Our daughter ran away, again but was missing for 3 days. I know this may not be the same but the first time she did anything like your son, she stole my car and my husbands truck so she was arrested for theft by taking. She spent her 17th birthday @ YDC youth detention center that was not long enough, then she did the 3 day thing and stayed there for a week. She was on house arrest for a month she couldn't go anywhere but 150 feet away from the house, if she went further than that the monitor would go off, she was on probation, well come to think of it she still is and will be till she is told other wise. You did the right thing I know exactly how you feel, oh hang in there I know your crying, wondering, well what do you think he's doing. He's wanting to go home, well home wasn't good for him then why would it be now. Just do the tough love, really. Let me know how things turn out.
  • patblue1947 2008/11/28 00:39:09
    None of the above
    patblue1947
    +1
    This is his first time so I say pick him up and have a serious father son talk. Tell him the next time he stays incarcerated so think hard before doing anything stupid.
  • trainfan patblue... 2008/11/28 01:44:47
    trainfan
    +2
    Why not leave him there make it the last time? No next time
  • Pissed ... patblue... 2008/11/28 03:21:55
    Pissed off contractor
    +1
    You can still have the father son talk after he gets out of juvie.
  • liveitothefullest_2013 2008/11/28 00:28:04
    Undecided
    liveitothefullest_2013
    +1
    Well since its his 1st offense pick him up. My sister who is 15 also got arrest for shoplifting and she has shop lifed before but she just didnt get caught but this time she did and my dad went and picked her up but she go things taken away from her when she got home. So, if i were in your shoes id go pick him up because in Juvie he could get hurt because kids there probably have done way worse than he has.
  • ♫Dustin♫ 2008/11/28 00:26:06
    Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
    ♫Dustin♫
    +4
    i would say he should stay, picking him up would definately be the wrong choice. My mom never does what she says she will when it comes to consequences and my 16 yr brother is soooooo disrespectful to her
  • Hula girl - Friends not Fol... 2008/11/28 00:09:46 (edited)
    Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
    Hula girl - Friends not Followers
    +4
    Tough love has proven to work...letting off the hook shows there are no stiff penalties. Better to spend a night or two in jail now than spend years in jail later for a larger offense. The holiday will be hard for you either way as if he's there the dinner table will be quiet and if he's gone the dinner table will be quiet but at least with him there he will be reflecting and wishing he was with you and what he might be missing out on.

    My sister had to do the same thing to my nephew on some unpaid parking tickets and what turned into a $115.00 ticket has now cost him thousands in lost work and other expenses. He's learning!
    Good luck
  • Steve 2008/11/28 00:05:19
    Pick him up because he needs a Dad right now.
    Steve
    +3
    Tough call but really, if it was my kid I know I would go get her...of course I would not simply bring her home and let her go about her business. Bring him home and tell him how tough this is on you, ask him what happened and why he did it and don't take any excuses. Tell him that ultimately what he does with his life is his business and his problem but there aren't any "do overs" in real life. And then I would end with "don't ever do it again".

    If he is a good kid and you raised him well he is already scared shitless and really needs to see you step up to help him right now.
  • Aephi 2008/11/27 23:59:11
    Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
    Aephi
    +7
    A kid will never learn of his/her mistakes if you bail them out of every little problem they are facing...it will teach him responsibility for his mistakes. You got to be tough right now for your son :)

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2014/10/20 18:09:23