More evidence Lawyers are scum! (Isn't Obama a lawyer?)
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed,
b-lines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter.
The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks,
"if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I
have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"
"Absolutely," the lawyer responded.
The butcher immediately shot back, "Good! You
owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a
check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher, browsing through his mail,
finds an envelope from the lawyer.
The contents read "Consultation: $25.00."
A young lawyer was defending a wealthy
businessman in a complicated lawsuit.
Unfortunately, the evidence was against his
client, and he feared the worst.
So the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law
firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Havana cigars.
The partner was horrified. "The judge is an
honorable man," the partner exclaimed.
"If you do that, I can guarantee you will
lose the case!"
Weeks later the judge ruled in favor of the
The partner took him to lunch to congratulate him.
"Aren't you glad you didn't send those cigars to the judge?".
The partner asked. " But I did send
Replied the lawyer. "I just enclosed the
complainant's lawyer's business card!"
In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney
called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.
He approached her and asked; "Mrs.. Jones, do
you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr.
Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big
disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk
about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the
brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to
do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know the
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've
known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a
drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his
wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench
and in a quiet voice said:
"If either of you sons of bitches asks her if
she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair!!"
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