MERRY CHRISTMAS,courtesy of 'ELF n SAFETY and the PC BRIGADE
All employees planning to dash through the snow in a one horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are advised that a Risk Assessment will be required addressing the safety of an open sleigh for members of the public.
This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers.
Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.
Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night. While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all users of this facility are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks.
The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that, prior to shining his/her glory all around, s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.
Following last year’s well-publicised case, everyone is advised that Equal Opportunities legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr R Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.
While it is acknowledged that gift bearing is a common practice in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct
gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded, while caution is advised regarding other common gifts such as aromatic resins that may evoke allergic reactions.
Finally, in the recent instance of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO POST UN-PC COMMENTS!!!!
http://tulolb-744392546.us-ea...
I hope that you will like them:
1)
Christopher was sprawled across three entire seats in a theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, 'Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat.'
Christopher groaned but didn't budge one inch. The usher became impatient. 'Sir,' the usher announced, 'If you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager.'
Again, Christopher just groaned which, in turn, infuriated the usher who spun on his heel and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly.
All right, mate. What's your name?'
'Chris,' the man moaned, in considerable agony.
'And where you from, Chris?' the cop barked.
'The balcony.'
2)
By the way, it is funny to note that the raindeer in your caricature have lost their antlers (which is correct for males). In most stories, they have male raindeer and forget about one detail, as shown by
Reindeer's Story at Christmas, Santa Reindeer Lawyers
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while in the summer both male and female reindeer grow antlers each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.
Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
Quite amusing ...
Re female reindeer,under the PC equalities act this is due possibly to them being post op transsexuals,3 legged aboriginal lesbian/homo victims of the media, in other words it's all Bushes fault!!
They got it!
Bah Humbug!
No really, Merry Christmas!
For you, Dear Sir~
Don't tll Doofie... she'll kick my butt!