Men FAQ

Why are men such jerks?

It's a testosterone thing. Much similar
to your PMS thing, we men suffer from testosterone
poisoning. Why do you think the average lifespan of a
male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just
from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure)?
Hormone modifies behavior. We're just misunderstood.

Again, it's a
testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the
testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we
met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just
much better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain
it's some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take
one quick look and memorize it for later reference. Since
men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory
by staring as much as we can.

We occasionally need to adjust out little
friend and make him happy. It's much like adjusting your
bra. Being in public is just an added bonus.

We like to. It's
actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner frustrated
by a few simple (and well chosen) words.

You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut
too if every time you open it you get into trouble with
your partner.

Well, we don't
actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's the
old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing in
so much of the world nowadays.

Do we look like women to you? Why is it
so hard to understand that men and women are different?
How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no
idea how we feel? Unless you're experiencing some
extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on
our foot. We have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get
a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel.

Please... How many
hours do you think there is in a day? We oblige you as
much as we can, but who the heck (besides women) can
stand lying around for hours on end? We men... Men
hunters... Need go roam...Starve in cave... Must go find
wildebeest... Now sitting on our asses for hours on end
on the other hand is a whole other story.

Men have very powerful sets of sitting
muscles developed by evolution that enable us to sit for
extended periods of time without getting tired. In
prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one
spot for extended periods of time while hunting for prey.
The more successful hunters were able to sit very still
for very extended periods of time thereby passing on this
ability to their progeny. The figgidy types were all
gobbled up by saber toothed tigers etcetera. The end
result is that almost all modern men are born with this
innate ability.

Men are taught from
a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say that we
love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most
men consider that a character fault. It's not easy to
admit to one's own character faults.

Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you special? Well,
some men think it's a sure fire way to get into your
pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.

1. Please sleep with me.
2. I'm sorry for whatever it
   is that I did.
3. I forgot to get you a gift;
   this will have to do.
4. Huh? I'm sorry; I wasn't
   listening.
5. What did I forget? This
   should buy me a little time.
6. Stop nagging me.
7. What do I have to do to get
   a beer around here?

We just simply don't have the energy to
answer every single one of your questions. If we think we
do not have the answer, or that you will not like the
answer, we simply remain quiet and save the energy for
other things.

Why should we? It
doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn
well you'll pick it up.

This usually only occurs after months of
courting. It's our way to let you know that we're
comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a
sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended
periods of time gives us stomach cramps.

It's an
evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want
to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend
hours and hours to look at things we have no intention of
killing? err... Buying?

Have you ever seen one of us pee? The
proper position of the toilet seat is up. Mathematically
speaking, the proper position of the toilet seat is a
function of the time spent peeing over the time spent
sitting. The closer that ratio approaches one, the truer
the proposition. Besides, it's actually a courtesy that
we lift the seat. Why would we care if we pee all over
the seat. You're the ones that have to sit on it. You
should appreciate the fact that we actually lift the darn
thing. We aim to please.

Are you kidding?
Even leaving the physical aside, blonde bimbos are
generally much easier to get along (alone) with. They
like having fun and doing exciting things. They don't
walk around with the weight of the world on their
shoulders. They don't ever give us a hard time for being
a dumb male; and plus they laugh at most of our jokes
(even the ones they don't get). What more could any of us
males ask for?

What do you mean act? We do; possession
is nine tenthsof the law. Besides, it is an awesome
responsibility not to be entrusted to just anyone. I
believe the only fair way to decide who gets the remote
control is to arm wrestle for it.

Are you kidding?
What if there is something good on the next channel? We
could miss it if we stay on one channel for too long.
(See also: Why do men fear commitment?)

Don't be so surprised. Yes; most of us do
know what 'commitment' means and can spell it correctly.
It's like an automobile. No matter how good you think
this year's model is, they're always coming out with
newer, faster, better, sleeker, and sexier models. We
simply cannot be expected to purchase the first one we
see. We must browse around a bit and test drive a few.
Who wants to end up with a lemon? At least with a car,
there's a slight chance of it eventually becoming a
classic. It simply makes much more sense to lease and
upgrade to the younger... err... I mean newer models
every couple of years. Some of them come with fun extras
like dual air bags.

It means that we
like you enough to sleep with you, but not enough so that
we want to see you repeatedly.

Generally, it means that the recipient of
said comment is physically repulsive enough that no beer
goggles may be thick enough to provide adequate
protection.

Yes. It is
genetically inherited behavior. It's been passed on from
our most primal forefathers, and it'll be passed on to
our sons.

Several factors are at work, namely
evolution, heredity, nutrition, and

environment. (See also: Do all men really masturbate?)

It is like with all
things. Practice... Practice...Practice... (See also: Do
all men really masturbate?)

As opposed to what? Really ugly women?
Face it, if men were obsessed with ugly women, there
would be just as much bitching about why men are so
obsessed with ugly women. No matter how you set this up,
some people are always going to be left out. I don't see
anyone screaming about equal treatment for the stupid
people either.