Ladies: Would you sign a Pre-Nup?

I've been divorced twice.Having been on the losing end monetarily through both.Against the advice of my attorney's I would not ask for one nor sign one.Although having faced the acute reality that it can end,I can't rightly marry someone with any thought of it ending.Silly ? Perhaps but I believe in love and commitment too much to think differently.

Losing in love is bad enough without the financial burdon. You have a wonderful nature, sadly it has been taken advantage of.

My 1st husband was an extremely wealthy man.I gave the ultimatum that I walk any with nothing if you concede to my custody terms-he did. My 2nd I chose a lump sum payoff...writing a check every month would cause unnecessary disdain.

I wasn't asking, but you cut a good deal with the first, a priceless asset worth more than riches, as for the second...it's that good nature again :)

At this point, if I become single for any reason, I would never get married again. Just live in sin. I have my own medical insurance and an emptynester.

Then again, I work with people who are constantly getting divorced and know how ugly it can get.

Prenuptials show lack of trust. You don't need to be getting married to anyone whom you don't trust, or doesn't trust you. It's just starting off on the wrong foot.

LOL

It's just too risky nowadays

Neither would I ask a man to. If you need a pre-nup then you aren't certain that it will work out between you so therefore shouldn't think of getting married.

Where Money is concerned you cant trust anyone, even your nearest + dearest.
If i was to consider marriage again [ highly unlikely ] i`d have a legal document drawn up, everything i`ve worked so hard for all my life will go to my sons, no one else.

Good answer Lizzy. We never had pre nups, we had nothing to pre nup for :)

Thanks for that. No such thing when we got married in our younger days but i think the way society has gone people do need to protect what they have worked for all their lives, especially where children are concerned.

I'll second that :)

No. My husband and I are both practicing Catholics -- and for practicing Catholics, we take "till death do us part" completely seriously.

(And no responses like "well, my cousin's friend's roommate is Catholic and she's divorced." The operative word is "practicing." There's a difference between that and a person whose Catholicism is only casual or cultural.)

Signing a pre-nup, or asking the other person to sign it, means that one is thinking of and preparing for the possibility of divorce. If that's a person's mindset, they shouldn't get married in the first place.

Being a practicing Catholic means Nothing, it does`nt make anyone a better person than anyone else. In my experience Too Many people Hide behind that Facade. I was a convert to Catholicism, Married to a Catholic. I divorced him as life for my 3 children + myself was a Nightmare. I had my marriage annulled in the church. I soon found myself ostracized + the hypocrisy within the church unbearable. The Catholic church leaves a lot to be desired in regard to being Christian.

Hi, Lizzy, I hope you are well. I agree about the Catholic Church and its hypocrisy. We married in a register office and had our marriage blessed by a C. of E. Vicar. According to Catholisism we are not married but living in sin (lol). Yet if we changed our religion to Catholic our marriage would be accepted because we'd be converts. How devious is that?

Hi Jan. Within the Catholic church if you`ve been previously married in any Christian church then you have a valid marriage in the eyes of God + can not be married again in church. As far as i know you can only get an annulment of a Christian marriage in the Catholic church. It is a very long + drawn out process, can take up to 3 years, you have to prove your spouse did not live up to his/her vows. You have to provide witness`s + lots of information. You are interviewed at length + every aspect of your marriage is questioned. It then goes before a tribunal of solicitors within the church. Gaining an annulment is not easy + not every applicant is successful.

Annulment after having 3 children is hypocracy.

It was all above board, in fact i had 2 annulments as my ex husband caused so much trouble when i was granted the first annulment. I was more than able to prove he never lived up to the commitment of marriage or his vows. As a Christian i persevered in that marriage for a very long time but common sense has to prevail in the end. It is a very long + drawn out process applying for an annulment, every aspect of your marriage is scrutinised. I am NO hypocrite either unlike so many practicing Catholics + so called Christians. I was married Legally in the eyes of the law + in the eyes of the church + divorced in both.

It is my understanding that the Catholic church is supposed to only allow annulments when the marriage is not "consumated." I had a friend who married a Catholic man. He paid the church to get an annulment so he could remarry. The marraige had been consumated and they had lived together for more than a year. She was livid about it.

Not true, that is only one reason an annulment may be given. If either of the people within the marriage has not lived up to the commitment + vows they took, then an annulment may be possible. Say for example either one of them decided after the marriage they did`nt want children then that is also a reason for annulment. If the marriage was violent + abusive from the start, if say the husband still lived the single life etc after the marriage, then maybe an annulment would be given. There are a lot reasons but it is Not easy to obtain an annulment. It is also costly, if you cant afford the fee then discretion is used to help the applicant. I did`nt have the money but they did help me + waived the fee. You can not buy an annulment.

Those are all reasons for divorce. The Catholic church historically has not condoned divorce, and does not recognize it as a legal option under church doctrine. That is why they do not recognize remarriages. Annulment is the only route through which Catholics may remarry in the eyes of the church.

"There are a lot reasons but it is Not easy to obtain an annulment. It is also costly." His family had plenty of money, so they "bought" the annulment. He denied consumation of the marriage, which was not true. If the Catholic church would just recognize divorces under civil law, they would lose a lot of money!

There are reasons for annulments. The main reason is one or the other DID NOT FULFILL THEIR VOWS FROM THE ONSET OF THE MARRIAGE, this has to be proved. Very difficult to prove none consummation, a man can say his wife was frigid, how does a woman prove she is`nt ?!!. They ask you everything about your marriage even the most intimate details of your relationship. which is quite embarrassing. Many men are very devious + will resort to any tactic to get what they want, even if it means ridiculing a woman + telling lies even within the church. My husband did + i had to go through the whole process again as he caused that much trouble even threatening to go to the European court of human rights because i was granted the annulment !!!, they did see through him Thank God + i was eventually granted the annulment. The man you speak about obviously told lies unless your friend did. The church does not make money through annulments, the fee is very reasonable, it just covers the cost of the work involved. It is certainly not as costly as a divorce through the legal system, it`s very small in comparison. Costly when you have very little money + children as i did, but as i said they waived the fee for me. The people who deal with these annulments are qualified solicitors within the church, they are experts within that field.
I am not defending the church out of any loyalty to it, i am stating what i know to be True.

You are rationalizing and making excuses for a very corrupt and controlling organization. There is no reason the Catholic Church should not recognize civil law and divorce, and accept annulment in this manner except to make money.

Marriage is considered one of the Holy Sacraments within the church, just as Baptism + confirmation is, you cant unbaptise a person or unconfirm a person. Anyone who marries in the church knows what the Sacraments are + mean, they make vows on their wedding day, they are committing themselves to one + other, they are fully aware of what they are doing. Most couples do take instruction + have guidance prior to marriage. I am certainly NOT making excuses for the church, i am very aware of the flaws within the church, i walked away from it years ago. The church does accept civil law, you can not get an annulment unless you are legally divorced, you have to provide evidence you are divorced in the eyes of the law, then they will look at your application for an annulment. Everything has to be done correctly. As i said it is not easy to get your marriage annulled, there has to be good reason from the onset of the marriage. I am speaking from experience, are you ?. Is the person you speak of " You + not a friend ", as you sound very bitter about this.

Marriage is a sacrament of all Christian churches; however, most Christian churches accept civil divorce, and DO NOT refuse to recognize divorce and remarriage under civil law. Further, they do not require payment to the church in order to recognize a subsequent marriage.

I am not speaking of myself. My friend was not Catholic, but they both underwent counseling in both their churches before the marriage. The annulment was a sham and an insult to her as a Christian. He has since had a second marriage annulled, and remarried for a 3rd time with the blessing of the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church has been corrupt since the dark ages, and we continue to see evidence of it's corruption today. When will people recognize that it is a false theology?

I live in the UK + i know the Church of England has the same stance on remarriage in the church as the Catholic church has.
Marriage is a Sacrament in all Christian church`s, unless annulled you are still married in the eyes of any Christian church. Maybe things are different in the US, i`d be very surprised if they were though.
Any fee charged for an annulment is not a fee for a subsequent marriage, the fee covers the work involved in the annulment process whether that be to grant or deny an annulment.

"Marriage is a Sacrament in all Christian church`s, unless annulled you are still married in the eyes of any Christian church." No longer true today. Only the fundamentalist sects still believe this today. The Catholic Church makes it "work" to get an annulment. It's hypocracy.

I suggest you read your Bible on what is said about Marriage.
You sound a very bitter woman.

I'm not bitter. I don't believe that crap, nor does my Christian church. I hate seeing people so misled by a corrupt organization that has done much harm to society. I have read my Bible, but I interpret it differently.

I agree with you but Corruption Dwells in every aspect of our lives, it`s there in the work place, there in our Governments, in our schools, in our Neighbourhoods, you name it + Corruption Dwells. Charity is Big Business + full of Corruption + Greed. Corruption is not just present within The Catholic church, it`s in every church. All church`s have a lot to answer for. They are all Experts at Procuring Money out of people, dominating peoples lives, they know how to manipulate + deceive people.
Our Christian Faith stemmed from Judaism, the coming of Jesus changed that, all Christians were one group at one time + that group did become the Catholic church. Whatever Christian denomination people are they have stemmed from the Catholic church, they are breakaway church`s.
All Church`s have harmed society throughout time.

So many people interpret The Bible Just to suit themselves, ease their own conscience in some way. Many church`s have done this to manipulate + deceive people.
The Gospel is The Truth, it`s message is a very simple one + very easy to live by, such a pity it`s been so distorted to suit those who are not willing to believe in The Truth.
I`m quite sure many Atheists live far more Honourable lives than many so called Christians.

Is that what the Catholic Church taught you? Christianity did not exist until Christ began his teachings. The protestant religions did not ALL spin off from the Catholic Church. Most of the disciples conceded to Constantine after he became a Christian, and it was then that the Roman Catholic Church came into being. The various denominations of Christianity grew out of varying interpretations of Christ's teachings; not out of the Roman Catholic Church! The interpretations of the Nostics and others were omitted by the Counsel at Nicaea from the Holy Bible. It is likely that since most of Christianity adopted the texts approved by the Counsel at Nicaea, that none of today's various Christian denominations have the whole story or got it exactly right. That is why people have to read, pray, and study on their own if they are to have any hope of understanding what Christianity truly means.

Think what you want.
I was`nt brought up in the Catholic Church, i was brought up in The Anglican church, so i was`nt brainwashed as most none Catholics state about Catholics.
You seen to think you`re an expert on all things !!!, you know very little in fact. When you realise that you will then be on the road to being wise. May i suggest you read the letter of James, James talks about asking God for the Gift of Wisdom, it`s very informative. For a practicing Christian you are a very angry woman !!.

I am not angry. That's your defensive perception. I have read James, and praying for the Gift of Wisdom is exactly what I was referring to in my previous post. Except for those who belong to churches that do not "tell them what they must believe" but instead encourage that type of self-searching, Christians are indeed brainwashed by most denominations. Many believe their narrow interpretations of passages out of context, of not only the scriptures, but also history, are the only right interpretation and all others are lost. I do not accept those religions as being true. That does not mean that I cannot honestly express that some practices are hypocritical, or that I do so out of anger. I merely expressed my belief about it.

I am a male and wish I had, my first wife took me for virtually every think I had. Fortunately I was able to recover quite well.

Shame on her for giving women a bad name!

Do you live in a "community property" state?

Not any more!

I have to say California is the worst of them with Hawaii a close 2nd or 3rd. Thank god their legislatures haven't signed any joint opportunity laws where I can assist clients in those states.