Is your job dangerous?

It's not by choice, I can assure you.
I do know one thing. I'm wiped out and tired of beating myself up about it. About having not left for good, that is. I'm also sick of the judgments of others. Until someone has walked in my shoes, they can keep their opinions and judgments to themselves. I WAS ready to leave him when this happened to me. (the 3 lung collapses and the lung surgery which I'm still recovering from.) No matter how I try to keep things to myself and tell him what he wants to hear, he senses that I'm about to leave. At least it seems that way. I think he sees my strength coming back and in true form he thrives on beating me down. I've left before, for a year...but felt I had to go back for financial reasons. I wish I would've been stronger than I was and stayed away from him. I wouldn't be in the shape I'm in now if I had stayed away and just struggle through whatever I needed to struggle through. NOTHING in this world could've been harder than what he's done to me now. I've been through sheer Hell !!! ......I'm having a hard time forgiving myself , and a hard time forgiving him. I'll never understand it. I'll never understand why bad things happen to good people and why bad people get away with the things they do.
Even when good people do all the right things and take all the right steps. It all seems like it's in vain sometimes. I just keep, keeping the faith. I pray God's Will is for me to get out of this marriage safely and my body keeps healing and I stay healthy. My health and safety are my number one prayers. I pray for my sons well being as much if not more than my own. I hope this makes sense. I don't have time to proof read and have o go for now. Later gf.