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Is this a racist question?

Jennifer McDermott 2012/06/11 23:32:58
Related Topics: Baby, babies, Beautiful, Mexican
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I asked a girl if her baby was mixed because he has those beautiful eyes that mixed babies seem to always have. Was I being racist?
She jumped all down my back because I was being racist. Yet she was saying things like "I dont like it there because they have a lot of blacks and mexicans." and "People from West Virginia all look like inbreds."
I appreciate any feedback on this.
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Top Opinion

  • Melizmatic 2012/06/12 17:34:16
    other (comment)
    Melizmatic
    +8
    You weren't being racist IMO, because you weren't impeding her progress, exploiting her, nor oppressing her rights.

    But were you being nosy?

    Yeah, a bit.

    Frankly, someone else's heredity and/or ethnicity is really none of our business, just like many other personal questions I would never deign to ask a stranger.

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  • JoeSchmoe Haruko.... 2012/06/12 05:51:39
    JoeSchmoe
    He did not say black child's eyes are ugly, he said there is a correlation between mixed children's eye color so with an educated inquiry he wanted to know if the kid happened to fit the correlation.
  • Miss Bela Rae 2012/06/12 03:56:40
    other (comment)
    Miss Bela Rae
    +2
    She probably thought you were assuming she was some whore who hooked up with a Mexican guy. I know that's not what you were saying, but anyone gets insulted when they think of mixed races. Society is ridiculous.
  • Jennife... Miss Be... 2012/06/12 04:19:13
    Jennifer McDermott
    that could be a possibility.
  • beach bum 2012/06/12 03:39:01
  • Pops 2012/06/12 03:34:19
    No
    Pops
    +2
    No it wasn't, a racist is, A person with a prejudiced belief that one race is superior to others. Your question doesn't reflect that, in my opinion.
  • Jennife... Pops 2012/06/12 04:20:12
    Jennifer McDermott
    +1
    I am glad that not many people see that question as racist. Racist is a mean word anyway. I am not a mean person.
  • Boetica Pops 2012/06/12 05:42:02
    Boetica
    +1
    Like Louis FarraCon's rhetoric.
  • deepthinker 2012/06/12 03:25:12
    other (comment)
    deepthinker
    +2
    Having mixed race children in my family, I'd have to say you were rather indelicate. (And yes, they do all have absolutely stunning eyes and eyelashes, plus gorgeous complexions.) As for being 'racist' .... well that's a matter of interpretation. I personally feel the term is bandied about far too much, and usually by those who are indeed racists. (As this young woman apparently is, judging from her comments.) This mother is very self-conscious about something -- perhaps she is embarrassed about being found out by being presented with a mixed race child. Things like that happen. She may be having trouble accepting the child's paternity and is in denial.

    If you had to comment, perhaps a better and less offensive approach would have been to say enthusiastically : Would you just look at those beautiful eyes! You don't often see a child with eyes like that." THEN DROP IT! LET ANY FURTHER INFORMATION COME FROM HER SPONTANEOUSLY.

    Be perfectly honest. Did you REALLY need to know if the child was of mixed race? And was it any of your business one way or the other? If he is of mixed race, other characteristics may develop. In that case this little boy is going to grow up facing all kinds of speculations about his background. What he needs now is loving acceptance for who ...
    Having mixed race children in my family, I'd have to say you were rather indelicate. (And yes, they do all have absolutely stunning eyes and eyelashes, plus gorgeous complexions.) As for being 'racist' .... well that's a matter of interpretation. I personally feel the term is bandied about far too much, and usually by those who are indeed racists. (As this young woman apparently is, judging from her comments.) This mother is very self-conscious about something -- perhaps she is embarrassed about being found out by being presented with a mixed race child. Things like that happen. She may be having trouble accepting the child's paternity and is in denial.

    If you had to comment, perhaps a better and less offensive approach would have been to say enthusiastically : Would you just look at those beautiful eyes! You don't often see a child with eyes like that." THEN DROP IT! LET ANY FURTHER INFORMATION COME FROM HER SPONTANEOUSLY.

    Be perfectly honest. Did you REALLY need to know if the child was of mixed race? And was it any of your business one way or the other? If he is of mixed race, other characteristics may develop. In that case this little boy is going to grow up facing all kinds of speculations about his background. What he needs now is loving acceptance for who he is -- a beautiful, precious child with a bright future before him. Just like every other kid, his future self-esteem depends on total acceptance of himself as a person while he learns to be comfortable being who he is.
    (more)
  • Andy Fl... deepthi... 2012/06/12 03:38:37
    Andy Fletcher
    Very well said.
  • Jennife... deepthi... 2012/06/12 04:29:23
    Jennifer McDermott
    +1
    Well I can understand that it may not be any of my business if he is mixed and she could just say "Thats really none of your business" and that would be fine. Seeing as how this child will most likely be a part of our family I dont see why it shouldnt be a fact that would be worth sharing. If I were asking her the question judgementally as if I wouldnt accept him fully because of his race then I could understand the response. But that is exactly it. I just met the boy. I accept him fully and show him nothing but love. I see what he needs in his life is the love he is lacking. I am not going to push him aside because he is mixed. People shouldnt think that all people are going to treat their child or children like that just because some do. that is unfair. I simply asked if he was mixed because mixed children seem to have very bright and beautiful eyes. That should not be offensive and if people are offended by a compliment then they may want to look into why they feel that way.
  • Redneck 2012/06/12 03:20:59
    No
    Redneck
    +2
    She's just a bisnatch.
  • Jennife... Redneck 2012/06/12 04:30:12
    Jennifer McDermott
    +1
    She definitely had a problem but I cant see why I should be the cause of it. she just met me.
  • Redneck Jennife... 2012/06/12 05:26:10
    Redneck
    +2
    who knows. Some people just can't help but be jerks.
  • Jennifer Bourne 2012/06/12 03:17:12
    other (comment)
    Jennifer Bourne
    +2
    I think the question falls into the same category as "was he adopted?" or "what [ethnicity] ARE you?" The questioner isn't trying to be offensive at all. However, people may interpret the question as prying, pigeonholing or even "There's something different about your kid," especially if they've heard the question over and over.
  • Jennife... Jennife... 2012/06/12 04:32:23
    Jennifer McDermott
    +2
    I think that could be possible. But considering the fact that I was clearly asking with admiration I dont know why that would be offensive. He is a beautiful child. If I told her that her child was beautiful, it would be a compliment... same as the question.
  • Squish-Squish 2012/06/12 03:16:29 (edited)
    No
    Squish-Squish
    +3
    If you think mixed babies have pretty eyes and you asked if her baby was mixed then that's a complement. That's saying you think her baby has pretty eyes.
  • Jennife... Squish-... 2012/06/12 04:33:17
    Jennifer McDermott
    +1
    Exactly. and what is wrong with that? Most people would say nothing, but apparently, she is not most people.
  • Squish-... Jennife... 2012/06/12 05:07:03
    Squish-Squish
    +2
    If someone asked me that I would ask why but if they said because he has pretty then I would say thank you. She must be crazy because he just implied that she makes pretty babies. I would love that kind of attention
  • mark 2012/06/12 03:07:51
    other (comment)
    mark
    +2
    Considering her own comments , she sounds like the racist one to me. But your own comment sounds more , ahh.. , shall I say , umm..., smarta**. But after having to hear her racist comments , she may well have deserved a smarta** comment in return.
  • Jennife... mark 2012/06/12 04:35:48
    Jennifer McDermott
    The conversation was about how beautiful mixed children are and adults too as it got further into the conversation. We (my husband, me and my nephew) were talking about how mixed people are very attractive and I talked about when I was in high school i wanted to date my mixed friend. So I know she knew I was amazed at how pretty this little boy is. I dont know what her problem was.
  • mark Jennife... 2012/06/12 05:02:21
    mark
    Wow , I don't know why she would suddenly go off on you considering you had already been discussing this with her for a while without upsetting her. Maybe , you should ask her the next time you see her , although , she could go off again.
  • Jennife... mark 2012/06/12 05:18:30
    Jennifer McDermott
    apparently she was already offended but didnt want to say anything cause she needed a ride to her hometown. I think it was rude because she was telling my husband that he was disrespecting her son with his driving and we were disrespecting her son because of the smell along the way... We had to pass several fields that were freshly manuered... but that was us being disrespectful.
  • mark Jennife... 2012/06/12 05:27:05
    mark
    That's a double wow!. She sounds like the disrespectful one and rather nutty on top of that. Personally , I wouldn't want anything else to do with her. Sounds like more trouble just waiting to happen.
  • L1 2012/06/12 02:53:44
    other (comment)
    L1
    +1
    She sounds like she's overly sensitive. I don't believe you were by asking unless the tone?
  • Jennife... L1 2012/06/12 04:36:50
    Jennifer McDermott
    There was absolutely no negativity in my tone. I had been playing with him and telling him how cute he was and I just asked.
  • L1 Jennife... 2012/06/12 04:59:55
    L1
    Then that person is way too much overly sensitive, and needs to chill out....
  • Kat ♪.BTO-t-BCRA-F~PWCM~ 2012/06/12 02:44:05
    No
    Kat ♪.BTO-t-BCRA-F~PWCM~
    +1
    Sounds like she was being racist, in more ways than one.
  • Jennife... Kat ♪.B... 2012/06/12 04:38:00
    Jennifer McDermott
    +1
    yes she was. luckily she didnt hurt my feelings any even talking about hating white people and people from west virginia... I am not from wv, I am from maryland... lol. but i think that was her intention.
  • Kat ♪.B... Jennife... 2012/06/12 11:12:15
    Kat ♪.BTO-t-BCRA-F~PWCM~
    Probably, I hear a lot of anti-TN garbage, I'm not from here.
    Geographical racists are just as bad as skin color racists when they start their garbage.
    I don't even bother commenting about people unless I know them, just too many whackos that go off for no reason.
  • Stef and the City 2012/06/12 02:42:32
    No
    Stef and the City
    +3
    I don't think it was a racist question so much as I think it is a stupid one. What does it matter? Why is it any of your concern? I think, "Your son has beautiful eyes" would have probably been good enough.
  • Jennife... Stef an... 2012/06/12 04:39:10
    Jennifer McDermott
    +1
    Maybe I could have worded the question differently, but I was curious about it because his eyes and his complexion is so pretty.
  • MlssCue... Jennife... 2012/09/05 07:05:04
    MlssCue =Go Blue=
    Stating those two & leaving at that would of been best. But you live & learn.
  • kylie 2012/06/12 02:39:43
    No
    kylie
    +2
    i dont think you were being racist at all, but sometimes you have to be a lil careful of what you say to some people, they dont like someone even implying the thought that their child maybe mixed, especially if they themselves are racist, or just defensive
  • JOMO 2012/06/12 02:34:01
    No
    JOMO
    +3
    I do not think you were being racist by asking that question, I think the lady you posed the question to is / was super sensitive to her own situation. Kinda like if a black and white person was dating and they entered a room of all black or white people. They would probably feel like all eyes were on them.

    I have said it many times here on SH, America has evolved into such hyper sensitive individuals as a result of having to be so politically correct until it is pitiful. Haven said that, I feel this woman have her own demons to deal with, so don't sweat it...JOMO
  • You Know IT 2012/06/12 02:20:56
    No
    You Know IT
    +2
    i think she was high
  • Jennife... You Kno... 2012/06/12 04:41:55
    Jennifer McDermott
    very likely. on the way to take her home the radiator cap popped off the car and we had to pull over to fix it... a sheriff's dept vehicle pulled up and she was very antsy so it is possible. Or she doesnt like cops either.
  • Stan Kapusta 2012/06/12 02:20:36
    yes (please explain)
    Stan Kapusta
    +2
    The woman was sensitive about her childs heritage indirectly. She was the racist one who thought being of another race was beneath her. Next time just say nice kid and leave it.
  • Freedom 2012/06/12 02:15:53
    No
    Freedom
    +2
    No, at least not as much much as her questions/statements.
  • Brittany Foxx 2012/06/12 02:12:15
    No
    Brittany Foxx
    +1
    There's no such thing as being 'racist.'
  • MlssCue... Brittan... 2012/09/05 07:05:55
    MlssCue =Go Blue=
    Yeah go smoke another one.

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