I'm retired......just go around me.

As I
was lying in bed last night pondering the problems of the world, I
rapidly realized that I don't really give a rat's ass .... It's the tortoise
life for me!

1..
If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

2..
A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.

3..
A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.

4..
A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years. And you
tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.

I'm
retired. Go around me.

God
grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to
run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now
that I'm older here's what I've discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still
have most of it.

2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and
all-bran.

3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling
apart.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

5. Funny, I
don't remember being absent-minded.

6. If all is not lost, where is
it?

7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8. Some
days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

9. I wish the buck
stopped here; I sure could use a few.

10. Kids in the back seat cause
accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It's
hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

13. The only time
the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

14.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

15.
When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play
chess?

16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they're
everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the
depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter
. . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm
hereafter

19.
Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

20. DID I SEND THESE TO YOU
BEFORE..........??????