I'm a screw up.

No, no, no, little girl, you gotta get in line for the screw-up title and, believe me, there's a whole lot of us folks way, way ahead of you, so bring lots of books and camping gear.

That having been said, little lady, you won't really have much trouble with other people hating you or whatnot since you evidently hate yourself so much there isn't any room for anybody else. That's got to stop. You're 18 years old now. You are supposedly an adult. (This is why I still think 21 is the better age for "adulthood.") You are responsible for your own actions. Can't blame Mom and Dad or siblings or friends anymore. And, yes, you are messing up BIG TIME when you mess with any illegal substances, period.

First and foremost, next time you get it in your little bee-bee brain to mess with mind-altering drugs, you stop and think: Is it worth it? Look at how you feel about yourself. Is it worth it? Really?

Secondly, you do realize that you are playing with fire when you mess with these drugs. You are only 18. I am 65. You have a very slim chance of making it to my age if you keep down this road. That make you happy?

Thirdly, you do realize that I have two police officers in my family whom are my life and every time you go out and buy that goddamn stuff you are putting those men's lives at risk. You do know that, do you not? Not to mention how you are filling the pockets of some of the biggest scum of the earth, murderers, low-life types. You sit in misery, hating yourself, going nowhere fast, and those bastards are laughing all the way to the bank at your expense. Is it worth it?

Little lady, your picture, if that is you, shows me a young lady who is not unpleasant to the eyes, innocent looking indeed, what we used to call wide-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to meet and greet life. Honey, do one of a number of things -- or all, if you wish -- and that is join a church, join a community center, get counseling, get involved in a worthwhile venture such as volunteer work in whatever area you are happy (animal shelter would be a good example). Or get back to school and work toward a degree in a real, honest profession that you can excel at.

You continue to look in your mirror every day and thank God for all of the good things He has given to you to carry through life. And then think about how you are wasting any of the talents He has seen fit to bless you with. Step outside and look -- I mean actually, physically LOOK -- at the colors in the fields, the blueness of the skies, the beauty of the stars at night. Breathe in the clean, fresh air and prepare yourself for adventures in this world in whatever your chosen field.

Lastly, my dear, stop the self-pity . It is serving no one, least of all you, and it only continues to fling you into depression, which is a potentially deadly condition. You are wasting precious time, honey. Get on with L-I-F-E. Big time. Use your God-given talents and achieve. Surround yourself with friends and relatives whom you love and who love you. And never, ever again touch another illegal substance. And keep us all apprised of your progress. We care. I know I surely do. And you're in Austin, that was my home for many years. I assure you if I were there today I'd have you in a bear hug and we'd work all this out together. But I'm not there, so you do your best to speed things along with whatever assets you have right now. And know you are in my prayers. God go with you and I hope your life gets better.