The "American Idol" whistle stop tour continues through Chicago and Orlando this week (who's doing their routing, by the way?) with the Barbie doll guest judge portion of the program. 

Newly single Shania Twain will presumably give beauty tips in the Windy City, while Tony/Emmy winner Kristin Chenoweth will hopefully let someone — anyone — else do the speaking.
 
Her voice grates when she's not singing. 

Meanwhile, Simon will tear through the hearts of a dozen more fresh-faced kids who are either too dumb or too lacking in self-respect to stay away.
These are the most painful "Idol" hours. What is it about people who subjugate themselves to verbal and emotional abuse on national TV in the name of 15 minutes of fame perpetually out of their reach? Do these people not have loved ones who care for them? Is every parent now just a shameless stage mom-in-waiting, willing to throw their kid to the lions for a chance at a green room pass? Is there no one to lock them in their rooms to prevent them from becoming the butt of a reality show joke? 

We love a train wreck, it's true. It's just hard to see a line of masochistic "Idol" chasers willingly place themselves in front of the Simon steam engine.
 
Three more weeks until L.A. Until then, I'll watch the show out of the corner of my eye, cringing at every open audition turn. And laughing. Let's face it, some of these losers are pretty funny. That La Toya Jackson doppelgänger last week was a trip. It's a thin line between tragedy and comedy.