I need twenty thousand raves to make your life better.

All of these are true:
It will make your penis bigger.
If you don't have a penis, it will grow one for you.
If you don't want a penis, it will make you.

If you want bigger boobs, you're in luck.
If you want smaller boobs, you're in luck.

If you want bigger font, it will be bigger.
If you want smaller font, it will be smaller.

Life will never be the same again.

You will be faster.
You will be stronger.
You will be smarter.

God will love you more. So rave this.
If you have a different God he will punish you if you do not rave this.
If you don't believe in God you should rave this.

This will make you more American.
If you're not American it will make you one.
If you don't want to be American it will make you.

You will grow hair.
Even if you don't want hair.

A slight batch of diarrhea could hit, but that won't compare to shape of your testicles.
You might think, hey I don't have testicles.
Well, guess what?
You do now.

If you grow hair from your nipples you should go see a doctor because that is gross.

Anal bleeding may occur.