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I feel horrible :O What should I do?

Micha Vengeance Way 2012/06/12 16:34:08
Related Topics: Home, Talk, Mood, Group, Call, Live
Okay so I live with this girl... Lets call her Alice...

Alice is a bitch. There's no nicer way to say it. She's stuck up and rude and just a bitch. I've tried being nice to her, I've tried telling/asking her nicely to not have an attitude or be so rude to everyone, and she never freakin' stops.

So I talked to one of the staff about it (I live in a group home if you didn't know already.) and they told me she has Asperger's.


Now I feel horrible because lately I've been treating her like crap, because nothing else I've done has seemed to make her any less bitchy but this does. But now that I know that, I feel like I'm doing something horrible :o

Should I talk to her about it? Or should I just like, ignore her completely because honestly even though I know she cant help it it's SO FRUSTRATING being around her when she's in one of her moods.

I'm trying so hard to be nice but I honestly cant sometimes.
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  • Twitch 2012/06/12 16:45:08
    Twitch
    +3
    I believe I have the condition. I can be very mean at times, and it's not like me at all. I guess just try to avoid her when you don't feel like dealing with her. Odds are, she probably likes being alone anyway; I do. She probably feels bad about how she acts too, she's just too prideful to admit it. But don't give yourself a hard time. No sense in it.

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  • marty 2012/07/10 04:54:01
    marty
    +1
    I'd avoid her when she's a bitch, but try to make nice when she's not. Maybe you can take her to Vegas one day and have her count cards :) She could be Rain Woman :D
  • Abbie707 2012/06/19 16:30:07
    Abbie707
    teel her to either shutup and be nice or leave
  • Steve 2012/06/17 11:54:56
    Steve
    +1
    Asperger's folks can be frustrating to live with, but like most kinds of ways that people are difficult, there are reasons for it. Most are trying to do their best.

    Social cues and norms come about as naturally to them as trigonometry does to you. (But they're often great at trigonometry!!).

    The key is figuring out how to get yourself in an accepting, patient, compassionate mindset. A big part of that may be to minimize your contact with her. But however you can get there, the more you can let yourself feel compassion, the happier you'll be with her, and with yourself.

    Apologize when you do something thoughtless, but don't expect her to apologize, she probably doesn't grasp what an apology is all about. Remember that she probably gets negative reactions from folks constantly, but doesn't really grasp why or how to get that to stop. She's probably in pain a lot of the time, and much of the "rude" behavior is an almost inevitable defense against seemingly groundless rudeness from others.

    Trying to treat all others with respect, even when you're pissed off, pays huge dividends over time.

    Asperger's itself doesn't respond to medication, but sleep problems or mood problems might. You can possibly help her therapist by reporting problematic behaviors, not to discipline her, but to help guide therapy.
  • Micha V... Steve 2012/06/18 14:21:27
    Micha Vengeance Way
    Thanks (:
  • andrew lyagunga 2012/06/15 07:11:44
    andrew lyagunga
    +1
    ignore her
  • justnotsaying (: 2012/06/13 05:44:04
    justnotsaying (:
    +1
    You're 18 now, and able to leave. You can look for employment, and move on your own, which you'll like a lot better than being there. Since you're in a place where you are in contact with social workers, they may be able to offer you help and advice with living on your own.
  • RobHom 2012/06/13 02:15:05
    RobHom
    +1
    I would suggest that you back off and avoid this person.

    You might want to actually study up on Asperger's. Sounds a bit like someone is selling you a bill of goods:

    Asperger's Syndrome - Symptoms

    Although there are many possible symptoms of Asperger’s syndrome, the main symptom is significant trouble with social situations. Your child may have mild to severe symptoms or have a few or many of these symptoms. Because of the wide variety of symptoms, no two children with Asperger's are alike.

    Symptoms during childhood
    Recommended Related to Autism

    Understanding Autism -- Symptoms

    Each child with an autism spectrum disorder will have his or her own individual pattern of behavior: Sometimes, a child's development is delayed from birth; other children develop normally before suddenly losing social or language skills. In some children, a loss of language is the impairment; in others, unusual behaviors (like spending hours lining up toys) predominate. Parents are usually the first to notice something is wrong. Symptoms of autism include: Extreme difficulty in learning...

    Read the Understanding Autism -- Symptoms article > >

    Parents often first notice the symptoms of Asperger's syndrome when their child starts preschool and begins to interact with other children. Children wit...





















    >

    I would suggest that you back off and avoid this person.

    You might want to actually study up on Asperger's. Sounds a bit like someone is selling you a bill of goods:

    Asperger's Syndrome - Symptoms

    Although there are many possible symptoms of Asperger’s syndrome, the main symptom is significant trouble with social situations. Your child may have mild to severe symptoms or have a few or many of these symptoms. Because of the wide variety of symptoms, no two children with Asperger's are alike.

    Symptoms during childhood
    Recommended Related to Autism

    Understanding Autism -- Symptoms

    Each child with an autism spectrum disorder will have his or her own individual pattern of behavior: Sometimes, a child's development is delayed from birth; other children develop normally before suddenly losing social or language skills. In some children, a loss of language is the impairment; in others, unusual behaviors (like spending hours lining up toys) predominate. Parents are usually the first to notice something is wrong. Symptoms of autism include: Extreme difficulty in learning...

    Read the Understanding Autism -- Symptoms article > >

    Parents often first notice the symptoms of Asperger's syndrome when their child starts preschool and begins to interact with other children. Children with Asperger's syndrome may:

    Not pick up on social cues and may lack inborn social skills, such as being able to read others' body language, start or maintain a conversation, and take turns talking.
    Dislike any changes in routines.
    Appear to lack empathy.
    Be unable to recognize subtle differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of others’ speech. So your child may not understand a joke or may take a sarcastic comment literally. And his or her speech may be flat and hard to understand because it lacks tone, pitch, and accent.
    Have a formal style of speaking that is advanced for his or her age. For example, the child may use the word "beckon" instead of "call" or the word "return" instead of "come back."
    Avoid eye contact or stare at others.
    Have unusual facial expressions or postures.
    Be preoccupied with only one or few interests, which he or she may be very knowledgeable about. Many children with Asperger's syndrome are overly interested in parts of a whole or in unusual activities, such as designing houses, drawing highly detailed scenes, or studying astronomy. They may show an unusual interest in certain topics such as snakes, names of stars, or dinosaurs.
    Talk a lot, usually about a favorite subject. One-sided conversations are common. Internal thoughts are often verbalized.
    Have delayed motor development. Your child may be late in learning to use a fork or spoon, ride a bike, or catch a ball. He or she may have an awkward walk. Handwriting is often poor.
    Have heightened sensitivity and become overstimulated by loud noises, lights, or strong tastes or textures. For more information about these symptoms, see sensory integration dysfunction.

    A child with one or two of these symptoms does not necessarily have Asperger’s syndrome. To be diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, a child must have a combination of these symptoms and significant trouble with social situations.

    Although the condition is in some ways similar to autism, a child with Asperger's syndrome typically has normal language and intellectual development. Also, those with Asperger's syndrome typically make more of an effort than those with autism to make friends and engage in activities with others.

    Symptoms during adolescent and teen years

    Most symptoms persist through the teen years. And although teens with Asperger's can begin to learn those social skills they lack, communication often remains difficult. They will probably continue to have difficulty "reading" others' behavior.
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    Seems to me the kid has found a scam to run with.......
    (more)
  • Relay 2012/06/13 00:03:14
    Relay
    +1
    eh, avoid, avoid, avoid...
    stick with small talk and then avoid.
  • pdarkow 2012/06/12 23:15:49
    pdarkow
    +1
    That is a tough situation to be in all the way around. My only advice is to try to avoid her at all times.
  • KarenInKenoshaWisconsin 2012/06/12 22:10:24
    KarenInKenoshaWisconsin
    +1
    I'm on the autism range and I'm not a bitch and I'm only rude with purpose, which isn't too often.

    But talk to her too.You can at least try. You can put it in terms of "when you .... I feel ..."
  • Vision of Verve 2012/06/12 20:54:51
  • SlaveWaterNymph 2012/06/12 20:11:51
    SlaveWaterNymph
    +1
    just avoid her. No matter if they have a condition or not, you can try your best to not be damn bitchy. Just go your way and leave that be. All i can give to that.
  • keeper 2012/06/12 18:06:49
    keeper
    +2
    I would suggest that you try your best to be nice...if that doesn't work, just avoid her...
  • JustMe 2012/06/12 17:55:30
    JustMe
    +1
    I wouldn't feel bad if I were you, I don't believe she is entirely helpless to hold back either. There are far to many that will use an illness as an excuse to not have to use restraint or common courtesy. Personally I would continue doing what you're doing
  • King Anti-Christ 666 2012/06/12 17:48:21
  • sky 2012/06/12 17:38:07
    sky
    +2
    Sorry to hear about your friend.
    sad_boy_by_Curunir1
  • brandi lynn 2012/06/12 17:38:03
    brandi lynn
    +1
    you should let some out, talk to someone, watch your fav funny movie. listen to your fav artist.
    or cry :D
  • alex 2012/06/12 17:34:13
    alex
    +1
    its not your fault, you didn't know there was something wrong with her. just maybe when shes off on one of her tirades, just take a second and calmly tell her 'im here for you if you need to talk to someone'. letting her know that there is actually someone out there who cares to listen to the root of her problems would certainly be better than ignoring it all together. its not just about being nice though, its about caring about what shes going through that counts.
  • JoshuaH... alex 2012/06/12 18:42:08
    JoshuaHarper
    +2
    I know you don't mean to offend anyone by say "something wrong", some people might take it to mean that Asperger's /Austism is a handicap. It sort of is in a way, but people with Austism/Asperger's are usually extremely brilliant people (I think Einstein had Asperger's). We're only a bit more sensitive to things because of heightened senses. Kids with severe Austism may act dumb, but that's because their senses are being overloaded. If you've read the Gone series, Little Pete is the perfect example.
  • KarenIn... JoshuaH... 2012/06/12 22:16:04
    KarenInKenoshaWisconsin
    +1
    "people with Austism/Asperger's are usually extremely brilliant people (I think Einstein had Asperger's"

    That's actually incorrect.
  • JoshuaH... KarenIn... 2012/06/12 22:50:30
    JoshuaHarper
    +1
    What's incorrect about it?
  • KarenIn... JoshuaH... 2012/06/12 23:03:15
  • JoshuaH... KarenIn... 2012/06/13 02:35:48
    JoshuaHarper
    +1
    I never said all of them are geniuses...
  • KarenIn... JoshuaH... 2012/06/13 02:56:14
    KarenInKenoshaWisconsin
    +1
    "people with Austism/Asperger's are usually extremely brilliant people"

    Sorry, but it kind of sounded that way.
  • JoshuaH... KarenIn... 2012/06/13 03:01:49
    JoshuaHarper
    +1
    It's ok. I think most people assume that "usually" means always which does get annoying sometimes.
  • KarenIn... JoshuaH... 2012/06/13 03:32:48
    KarenInKenoshaWisconsin
    +1
    Neither the words usually nor always would make that a true statement.
  • JoshuaH... KarenIn... 2012/06/13 03:37:22
  • ☂cinderella.dress.in.yellow☂ 2012/06/12 17:34:01
    ☂cinderella.dress.in.yellow☂
    +1
    dont feel bad you didnt know she had asperger's
    but yea try to aviod her
  • JMCC 2012/06/12 17:13:05
    JMCC
    +1
    The fact that you have recognised what the problem is puts you in a position of responsibility, wouldn't it?

    Why not teach her?
  • Depp30UK 2012/06/12 17:01:41
    Depp30UK
    +1
    Sometimes its best to just walk away. If she is in a mood, try to go for a walk or turn on some music. You don't have to shut her out completely but if you make yourself less available to her she may wonder why and then if you want to have a talk about the fact that her moods are making you uncomfortable.
  • Thomas Bryant 2012/06/12 16:57:38
    Thomas Bryant
    +1
    I don't think you should even bother with her if she's going to be an ass and be rude and stuff like that don't even bother.Ok so she has asperger's well I say still don't bother she still needs to learn who to be nice.It's not your fault you was trying the best you can to be nice shes the one with the problem not you.That's why I'm saying don't even bother with her I don't even bother with people like that even if it is Asperger's just move on and pretend that she dosen't even exsit.
  • Gloria 2012/06/12 16:57:27
    Gloria
    +1
    Try out of the face, avoidance things to keep you distance from her.
    I don't know what to say.
    I don't know what to tell you.
    Let's drop it before we get upset, OK?
    It's too great a day to let silly things get in the way.
    I have homework, seeya later.
  • Keith 2012/06/12 16:55:43
    Keith
    +1
    Try to ignore her and avoid her as much as possible.
  • Morgan 2012/06/12 16:47:53
    Morgan
    +1
    Do you watch House? He has asperger's. He's a douche but he can't help it that's just the way he is. If you can't get too much from that then try looking it up on the internet if you haven't already, How to deal with people who have asperger's
  • Micha V... Morgan 2012/06/12 18:10:03
    Micha Vengeance Way
    :O I never knew that!
  • Morgan Micha V... 2012/06/12 18:31:26
    Morgan
    +1
    Ya. And if you've seen or heard of Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. They make the kid in there a jerk but I remember that he was tested for asperger's (according to the movie). I read the book and he (the boy Oskar) narrated part of it. He said that inside he had nice things to say but he didn't know how to express them.
  • Micha V... Morgan 2012/06/12 18:52:58
    Micha Vengeance Way
    +1
    Yeah I've read the book.
    It's amazing (:
  • Morgan Micha V... 2012/06/12 19:30:05
    Morgan
    +1
    Ya it is :) I read it in school
  • ☯ ʂıoвнaп ☮ 2012/06/12 16:47:49
    ☯ ʂıoвнaп ☮
    +1
    Since she has Asperger's, it may be the kind of thing where she can't help her behavior. In this situation, the best thing to do will probably be to be a nice as possible, and if you're already in a bad mood and you don't feel like dealing with it, just ignore her.
  • Cuppajo 2012/06/12 16:47:34
    Cuppajo
    +2
    You're 18. Get a job and move to your own place.

Fun

2013/05/20 05:12:56

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