How stupid does this sound.? :\

Maybe she's going to hate me now. Maybe she won't talk to me now. And maybe she'll ingore me for the rest of my life. :\ I just wish she knew how much I care about her and I still want to be with her.. like so badly. But I doubt I'll ever get that chance again. I blew it. Something told me that breaking up with her would be the worse mistake of my life. Ii was right. I don't get why I was so stupid. I was such a fool. You don't break up with someone you can't live without. I had a dream about Jennifer the night, of the same day, i broke up with her. In my dream.. she was making me feel bad and I was taking it because I made the mistake of breaking up with her. My friend LOL and other friends kept pressuring me to get with LOL. After I said yes, we were together for ONE day. Then LOL broke up with me. I wasn't super hurt that she broke up with me, though now LOL won't even act the same around me. She broke my heart, Indirectly. But it was mostly my fault. Her fault was pressuring me into a relationship with her and breaking up after a day. I gave up one of the best relationships i'd ever had (The one with Jennifer ) ; for LOL; . I say the relationship with Jennifer was one of the best because I was with Jennifer and she meant so much to me. She still means so much to me. She's such an amazing person. She was my BEST friend. She was the closest friend i had. I loved her, and i still love her, more than anything in this world. v_v.. Kay so, Anyways; After LOL, broke up with me.. it seemed like something told me I wouldn't get another chance with Jennifer. I probably won't. That day I cried and cried for what could have been an hour or even hours. I'm not sure. I just know I felt basically as if I cried so much, I couldn't cry anymore. It's been three days and i've gotten basically no sleep at all. My parents have forced me to eat. I don't eat much.. just don't feel like it? :\ The day after I broke up with Jennifer.. and the day that i did; i COULD NOT stop thinking about her. I still think about her often. Night after night i had dreams about her. She has mattered so much to me and by breaking up with her; I hurt myself. I had so much anger and regret and other emotions shot toward myself.. because breaking up with her was one of the worst things I could have ever done. I just REALLY REALLY want her to forgive me. And I want to be friends with her again. Maybe one reason I even considered breaking up with her was because i get lonely when I don't get to talk to her and she hadn't talked to me in 10 or 11 days. But we'd go days without talking. I always just missed her a lot. Each and every day that goes by without her felt like so long. I feel so lost without her. My stomach hurts from loneliness or whatever. I start to get depressed. She was so perfect for me. There's supposed to be someone out there for everybody and i felt like she was that one person for me.. She was such an amazing person, and she still is. And maybe she'll never know about all of this written, but I will.. cuz i wrote it [ Typed it.] . :\ And maybe we were together just over a month.. but it was one of the best times of my life. No matter how I was, she could make me smile. She could make me feel better. She wasn't hard to get along with. She's so perfect. She's just so amazing and epic and everything else that she is. So very epic and everything that she is..; it's hard to describe her. It's so hard to describe someone who seems so perfect and amazing as she is. <3 I just really REALLY wish she would forgive me and not hate me. I want to be her friend again. I want my closest, best friend back. The one that.. just knowing i had.. put a smile on my face. After I broke up with her; I had trouble trying to smile and be happy. I felt so lost and so alone. I still sorta do feel lost. Pretty much any song I listen to; It makes me want to cry. :| Only one song.. one that she made.. called Highwires.. i can listen to without crying. It has no words, just musical sound. It makes me smile every time i listen to it? ..Yeah, basically. She made it months and months ago. I loved it. I still love it. And I loved her. I still love her. More then you would think someone should after you break up with them. If I meant to break up with her; then why would I be feeling these emotions.? I just wish she would forgive me and tbh..i want her to love me again. :\ This girl meant so much to me; it isn't funny. She was my world. My soul. My everything. Nobody could replace this girl. </3 I just really want her back. v_v.. Maybe i've been repeating a few things.. or saying them over and over. But i could make this go on basically forever and ever because i love her that much. Pretty much anyone could tell I still love her. I wish I was thinking when I broke up with her. I wish I would have had enough sense not to break up with her. I assume she hates me very much right now. I guess I wouldn't blame her ? Idk what she thinks of me. :| I-I have trouble letting out all the emotion inside of me when I describe her. There's so much love I have for her. I can feel it. I try telling myself that I should move on.. when she told me "Get lost" and "Yeah, you freak" because I don't think she wants to be friends or anything.. possibly ever I really feel like such an idiot. I feel so depressed and so hurt and so lost and so empty without her. But it's all my fault.. For being so stupid. She probably wouldn't care how I feel or anything about me now. I ruined not only a relationship but a friendship that cannot be replaced. My head is filled with stuff about her. My heart is full of love for her. I'd do ANYTHING.. and i mean ANYTHING to get her back in my life.. Except killing myself.. because that would do NO good. :l The point is she means so much to me and I was a fool who made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Any now I wish i can get her forgiveness. If I say I'm over her; it's not true. I just love her with all my heart. v_v.. 6/11/11 - 7/22/11 :( <//3 I love you Jennifer and that will NEVER change.<33