Honesty is the best policy!!

The Birdman ~ PWCM~JLA 2012/07/11 12:16:22
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A man doing market research knocked on a door. He was greeted by a
young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

He says, "I'm doing some research for
Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all
the time."

"And if you don't mind me asking, what do you
use it for?"

"We use it for sex."

The researcher was a little taken back. He replied
with candor, "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a
child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that
most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been
frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"

The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at
all. My husband and I put it on the door knob to keep the kids out."

Have you ever told a white
lie? You are going to love this--especially all of the ladies who bake for
church events.

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist
Church ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the
last minute.

She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and
after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly
made it while drying her hair and dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up
for Scout camp.

But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the
center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She said,
"Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake."

This cake was so important to Alice because she
did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of new
friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to
build up the center of the cake.

Alice found it in the bathroom -- a roll of toilet
paper & newspaper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not
only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect!

Before she left the house to drop the cake by the
church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some
money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at
9:30, and to buy that cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found
that the attractive perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell
phone and called her Mom. Alice was horrified. She couldn't imagine what had
gone wrong. Alice was beside herself. Everyone would know, what would they
think? "Oh, my," she wailed! She would be ostracized, talked about,
ridiculed. All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing
their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself that she
would try not to think about the cake and she would attended the fancy
luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend and try to have a
good time. Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob
who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single
parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already
RSVP 'd she could not think of a believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely
upper crust old South. Then, to Alice's horror, the CAKE in question was
presented for dessert.

Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she
saw the cake. She started out of her chair to rush to tell her hostess all
about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said,
"What a beautiful cake!"

Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her
chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say,
"Thank you, I baked it myself."

Alice smiled and thought to herself, "GOD is
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2016/02/12 03:42:19

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