A few years ago, I lost my job, then my bestfriend to arguments and I looked at my life and decided to end it, so I went down to the River Thames and hung myself over the railing. While I was kicking, around 5-7 Police Officers who had been watching me on CCTV dragged me back over and took me to the nearest Hospital. I still have neck pains, but am so glad it happened, because I learned a valuable lesson from it.
I didn't really want to die. I just wanted my life as it was, to end.
I came up with the idea of a symbolic suicide. Where you kill the life you had, by removing everything from it, that made you so unhappy or reminded you of something that also made you feel bad. Out with the old. In with the new. That way, it's just like ending your life, but not in a way where you can't start again.
A few years later, I was diagnosed with Schizo-Affective Disorder, OCD, Agoraphobia and anxiety, with Panic Attacks. My friends are non-existent, because I've systematically pushed them away, one by one to protect myself. My family don't think that there is actually anything wrong with me, because I can maintain eye contact and string a sentence together with no problems in articulation. I had the same trouble trying to get help from my Doctor, but eventually I got the help I needed and...
I didn't really want to die. I just wanted my life as it was, to end.
I came up with the idea of a symbolic suicide. Where you kill the life you had, by removing everything from it, that made you so unhappy or reminded you of something that also made you feel bad. Out with the old. In with the new. That way, it's just like ending your life, but not in a way where you can't start again.
A few years later, I was diagnosed with Schizo-Affective Disorder, OCD, Agoraphobia and anxiety, with Panic Attacks. My friends are non-existent, because I've systematically pushed them away, one by one to protect myself. My family don't think that there is actually anything wrong with me, because I can maintain eye contact and string a sentence together with no problems in articulation. I had the same trouble trying to get help from my Doctor, but eventually I got the help I needed and...
A few years ago, I lost my job, then my bestfriend to arguments and I looked at my life and decided to end it, so I went down to the River Thames and hung myself over the railing. While I was kicking, around 5-7 Police Officers who had been watching me on CCTV dragged me back over and took me to the nearest Hospital. I still have neck pains, but am so glad it happened, because I learned a valuable lesson from it.
I didn't really want to die. I just wanted my life as it was, to end.
I came up with the idea of a symbolic suicide. Where you kill the life you had, by removing everything from it, that made you so unhappy or reminded you of something that also made you feel bad. Out with the old. In with the new. That way, it's just like ending your life, but not in a way where you can't start again.
A few years later, I was diagnosed with Schizo-Affective Disorder, OCD, Agoraphobia and anxiety, with Panic Attacks. My friends are non-existent, because I've systematically pushed them away, one by one to protect myself. My family don't think that there is actually anything wrong with me, because I can maintain eye contact and string a sentence together with no problems in articulation. I had the same trouble trying to get help from my Doctor, but eventually I got the help I needed and am now getting better, day by day.
Suicide isn't one of those things that you have to do right now, because you might miss your chance. You can always put it off until tomorrow and sleep on it. Things always seem better, after a night of rest. :o)
I hope this helps, in some way, anybody who reads it.
(more)I didn't really want to die. I just wanted my life as it was, to end.
I came up with the idea of a symbolic suicide. Where you kill the life you had, by removing everything from it, that made you so unhappy or reminded you of something that also made you feel bad. Out with the old. In with the new. That way, it's just like ending your life, but not in a way where you can't start again.
A few years later, I was diagnosed with Schizo-Affective Disorder, OCD, Agoraphobia and anxiety, with Panic Attacks. My friends are non-existent, because I've systematically pushed them away, one by one to protect myself. My family don't think that there is actually anything wrong with me, because I can maintain eye contact and string a sentence together with no problems in articulation. I had the same trouble trying to get help from my Doctor, but eventually I got the help I needed and am now getting better, day by day.
Suicide isn't one of those things that you have to do right now, because you might miss your chance. You can always put it off until tomorrow and sleep on it. Things always seem better, after a night of rest. :o)
I hope this helps, in some way, anybody who reads it.
I share nothing about myself with my family of origin because they're too judgmental. Twenty-four years ago, a high school acquaintance committed suicide. Everyone in my family pardoned her because "she couldn't sleep." I felt like yelling, "That's because she was depressed!" If that had been me, I would have been forever condemned in their eyes.
My main strategy is to call my therapist or my best friend. My faith in Christ also helps when I can manage to use it. I have several different coping skills which sometimes work: drawing, writing, coloring, listening to Christian music, Bible reading, praying, talking to others by phone or email, using online support groups, etc. Knowing that I don't want to leave my son without a mother can sometimes be the main thing that keeps me going. I just keep trying whatever works until I'm safe again. :)
To those of you who have been affect...
I share nothing about myself with my family of origin because they're too judgmental. Twenty-four years ago, a high school acquaintance committed suicide. Everyone in my family pardoned her because "she couldn't sleep." I felt like yelling, "That's because she was depressed!" If that had been me, I would have been forever condemned in their eyes.
My main strategy is to call my therapist or my best friend. My faith in Christ also helps when I can manage to use it. I have several different coping skills which sometimes work: drawing, writing, coloring, listening to Christian music, Bible reading, praying, talking to others by phone or email, using online support groups, etc. Knowing that I don't want to leave my son without a mother can sometimes be the main thing that keeps me going. I just keep trying whatever works until I'm safe again. :)
To those of you who have been affected by the suicide of someone else, I am sorry. A lot of people just want the pain to end as opposed to dying, as Dark Demonic stated. Sometimes, the problems and depressive feelings are so overwhelming that people can't think straight or sleep or eat. This is no excuse, but an attempt to create understanding.
I currently have 3 friends [that I know of] attempting suicide, more that have contemplated it, and a few who just do things such as mess around with a blade and their skin not thinking of the consequences, it's difficult.
I have also lost a very dear friend to suicide. It is difficult to cope and the best way is just to deal with one hour/day at a time and try to accept that the person who died was meant to die then.
My sister-in-law at the time was dying of cancer and would have given anything to stay alive, so there were very mixed reactions in the family. I just had to keep reminding people that mental pain is every bit as real as physical pain, but its so hard to get help and treatment.
I was quite shocked at how judgmental people were...I have dark days when I really believe that there is no place for me and that the light will never come back into my life....my mantra has always been....wait and see...a black day may just turn a little more grey, and so on, until there is some light again. It may not be blue skies and sunshine...but just fewer clouds maybe.
But I guess that's life...people die...but it shouldn't matter how they die, it is always a tragedy.
ive been through a lot off problems during this past 15 years that i guess i could go through with things anymore
I still am suicidal sometimes, but I'm slowly getting over it.
I still have scars that remind me.
There is someone in particular -- he was so kind, caring -- a truly nice person and I did go out of my way to try to say something nice each time I went to his office.
I didn't notice anything wrong the last time I saw him -- just exchanged pleasantries -- he didn't seem any different ..
Unfortunately -- he was just served with a Truly Nasty Divorce (and his spouse LEFT, emptied out his accounts, moved in with another) .. and he didn't share that with anyone at all. It was so .. bad .. he felt so .. alone -- he just opened the Elevator Door and walked in (falling all the way down).
When I came in Monday Morning -- early -- that was when people discovered his body. Believe me .. many of us wish he had JUST Given us a hint - said someTHING .. but he was NOT The type of person to want to burden ANYONE.
(It has affected me for many years .. and he is the reason why I was able to find the strength to deal with all the nastiness that MY Ex did during my divorce Proceedings (and my short disaster of a marriage was just that -- short)). I just knew that I couldn't let any JERK Get me down.
Thank you for your kind words!
Miss you Daddy
hang in there ma.... we'll get thru it together. luv ya bunches!
in september this year, it will be 2 years since my friend committed suicide. it's still hard to cope with and i miss her everyday. i think about her all the time butknow that she must be happier now otherwise she wouldnt have done it.
she was missing for almost a month before she was found :( and it truly was the worst experience of my life. thats her in the picture. it was the one circulated by the media etc.
http://rosemaryedwards-edward...
ive read your other posts on this thread and my thoughts are also with you. suicide is a terrible thing that tears families apart as im sure you well know. best of luck for the future forevergrateful. it's not easy. im not even 20 yet so i haven't even known anyone for as long as you were married to your husband. i can't imagine the pain you are feeling, even a year on. it takes a long time to recover from something like this, and as the months turn into years it gets easier to go on with day to day life, but it's just as ha...'
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ive read your other posts on this thread and my thoughts are also with you. suicide is a terrible thing that tears families apart as im sure you well know. best of luck for the future forevergrateful. it's not easy. im not even 20 yet so i haven't even known anyone for as long as you were married to your husband. i can't imagine the pain you are feeling, even a year on. it takes a long time to recover from something like this, and as the months turn into years it gets easier to go on with day to day life, but it's just as hard to wake up every day and remember they're not there anymore.
i'm not religious, but this picture says what i want to say:
Thank you for your thoughtfulness and you'll be in my prayers.
Suicide is one of the herdest things, you love that person so much yet a part of you is so angry at them for doing that. I don't think death is something you can ever get over but learning to live with the facts is something we have to do.
It's not easy. It's been over 2 years but still any mention of a rope or a noose makes my heart pound. It's unbelievable how long it took me to even write those words haha.
I've felt sucidal myself so I can understand the feelings but a lot of guilt comes after someone you love takes those actions and there is a lot of crying yourself to sleep and reminiscing and regret.
I found that when I thought about my friend, I wouldn't keep it al inside, I'd write it down, whether it was what I wanted to say to him or just how I felt that day and I'd write and cry and listen to music and it's better than keeping it all in and having those thoughts go around your head all day.