Even MORE Lil' Johnny jokes! (Some bad words, beware!)
Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the
fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely
asked, "What are you up to there, Little Johnny?"
"My goldfish died," replied Little
Johnny tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an
awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
As Little Johnny patted down the last heap of
earth he then replied, "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
A sixth grade class is doing some
spelling drills. Can anyone spell the word 'before'?"
Tommy stands up and says, "Before,
The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can
anyone else spell the word 'before'?"
Bobby stands up and says, "Before,
Again the teacher says, "No, that's
wrong." Can anyone else spell the word 'before'?"
Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before,
"Excellent Johnny! Now, can you use it in a
Little Johnny says, "That's easy -- two plus
two be fore."
At school Little Johnny was told by a
classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this
makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole
Little Johnny decided to go home and try it out.
He went home, and as he was greeted by his mother he said, "I know the
whole truth." His mother quickly handed him $20 and said, "Just don't
tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waited for his father to
get home from work, and greeted him with, "I know the whole truth."
Johnny's father promptly handed him $40 and said, "Please don't say a word
to your mother!"
Very pleased, the boy was on his way to school the
next day when he saw the mailman at his front door. Little Johnny greeted him
by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman immediately dropped the mail, opened
his arms and said, "Then, come give your real father a big hug."
Little Johnny had never had sex in his life, so his buddy Billy
told him that he'd take him to a girl that would teach him a few things. He
Later, Little Johnny's in a room with the girl.
She takes off her clothes, and asks him, "Do you know what I want?"
Little Johnny says, quite honestly,
She lies down on the bed, and asks him the same
question again, "Now do you know what I want?"
Again he answers, "No."
She spreads her legs spread-eagled across the bed
and asks him the same question again, "Now do you know what I want?"
Little Johnny answers, "Yeah. You want the
whole fuckin' bed to yourself."
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