Do You Like Soda in a Bottle or in a Can?

I used to have fun teasing co-workers about being lazy - especially if I saw them working hard. Here are some of my favorite lines I used:

1. You're lucky they don't throw away everything that doesn't work around here.
2. With all the automation that's being brought in, they are going to replace you with a mannequin.
3. There's a nasty rumor flying around about you. That's right! Someone said they saw you doing some work.
4. I heard Joe here got in big trouble the other day. The boss told him to sweep and he thought he said "sleep" and took a 4-hour nap.
5. (When you come up to someone really busting their butts) Hey, since you ain't got nothing to do, how about getting us a couple coffees?
6. I heard you use spray dirt in a can and spray your hands at the end of the day and then show your wife how hard you worked when you get home.
7. The hardest party of your job is trying to find a pair of dirty work gloves.
8. Your body will last forever because there's no moving parts.
9. You're so lazy I heard you filed a grievance with the union because they added a cup of coffee to your job.
10. It's easy to pick out Joe's tools. They are the ones that look like they have never been used.

It was all delivered in good fun and if a new insult came around you can bet the farm I would be the first to get it. The guys knew if they needed anything I was the go-to guy. If you came into my office in the morning with a problem, you would be "required" to have a cup of coffee and a doughnut - it was all part of my campaign to be the meanest guy in the plant. The plant I worked at for more than 31 years closed and I took a buy-out. I really miss the people.