Diet Rules!

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy
bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not
eat more than they do.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate,
brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are
part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, and
Tootsie Rolls.

7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes
calorie leakage.

8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in
the process of preparing something.

9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.
Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed
potatoes.

10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other
food color.

11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to
gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since
the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to
his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)

REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS