British Humour

Top Four 2010 Adult Jokes

Fourth Place:

A
man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
His elbow goes into her
breast.
They are both quite
startled.
The man turns to her and says,
'Ma'am, if your heart is as

Soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'

She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your
elbow, I'm in room 221.'

-------------------------------------------------------------...

Third Place:

One
night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's
arm.

The
wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey,
I've got a gynecologist appointment
tomorrow and I want to stay fresh..'

The
husband, rejected, turns over.
A few
minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife
again.

'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow
too?'

-------------------------------------------------------------...

Runner Up:

Bill
worked in a pickle factory.
He had been
employed there for a number of years when
He came home one day to confess to
his wife that

He had a terrible
compulsion...He had an urge to stick

His
penis into the pickle slicer.


His wife suggested that he should see a sex
therapist
To
talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.
He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his
wife
Could
see at once that something was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.

'Do
you remember that I told you how I had this
Tremendous urge to put my penis
into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, Bill, you
didn't' she exclaimed.
'Yes, I did.' he
replied...
'My God, Bill,
what happened?'
'I got
fired.'

'No,
Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh...she got fired too. '

-------------------------------------------------------------...

Winner:

A
couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when
the wife says,

'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this
breakfast table together.'

'I
know,' the old man said.
'We were
probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old
times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to
the buff and sat down at the table.
'You
know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied,
'My nipples are as hot for you
today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I
wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps.
'One's in your coffee and the other is in your
oatmeal.
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